Thursday, July 21, 2005
there.
=)
Friday, June 17, 2005
Mom was talking about marriages and miscommunications the whole of last night. Hmmm.
Argh. Tired of people reading my blog without indicating it. I've moved. I'm not avoiding anybody, I just want to know who reads my blog. Ask me for my new site if you want.
Li Yan is a happy girl.
Spent most of last night talking to Mel and Yawen on the phone. =)
Went out shopping with mom for Nicky's clothing. After all, he has to stock up on clothing if he's gonna be in Batam for 2 months!
Picked up Gege from SAFTI. He showed me all his funky arm-breaking moves. Pretty cool stuff.
PRADEEP IS A FUNNY BOY. Sorry I just had to put that up somewhere. =D *snort*
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Hmff, anyway, training today was GREAT. Did tonnes of batting, got blisters but it's aight'. Went to CurryWok with Wendy Joyce Reggie James Pok Weiliang.
Hmm, I don't have anything to say for once. Haha. Except for:
Ok I'm done. =) Too much RATM for me. =)
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
WHAT A MISERAAAABLE DAY!!!
Today: Team meeting. Training. Exco meeting. Lunch. IMM excursion. Mom.
Woke up with really puffy eyes. Was feeling really pathetic. Team meeting got a lot of things done and settled. Training was good. Improved my batting tons. Exco meeting was.
Lunch with Mel Wendy and Joyce. Met Grace and Weiling outside Venezia to go to IMM. Met SX MM there. Walked all the way to #$&#*&;$(* Creative to try to get my MP3 player fixed. Without a warranty card. Or money.
Scraped enough money to cab back to Clementi. Sat in Macs for a while. Walked back with Weiling and SX. Crossed the overhead bridge with SX, with me ranting all the way. Stupid MP3. Stupid warranty. Stupid stamps.
Got home and had to wait for the stupid lift to come down aaaaall the way from the 16th floor. Went through a lot of #*$&(*#$(*#&$ at home. Stupid IP. And stupid Photobucket is down!! MY PICTURES ARE MISSING. #*$*#&$#(*(*#
Stupid SX. Stupid SMSes. Hoho.
Ok this probably doesn't really sound like a really bad day, but you have to remember that this all originated from the fact that my MP3 player is spoilt and I hate spoilt things. Spoilt MP3 player is the MOTHER OF ALL EVIL.
Honestly. I'm going crazy. This is such a miserable day. I'm going crazy. But at least I've stopped screaming.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
One of those days involving a lot of self-pity
Today was. GraceShenxiangMe. Shoppingshoppingshopping. =) Took neos. Bought lotsa stuff. Sunglasses! Grace and I are SX's Mammary Man's bodyguards. Hoho. Went with SX to buy some plug thing with him, who in turn walked me back.
Got home and decided to check Classified Ads again. Called up some "Performing group" ad, and was greeted by "What's your forte?" And there I was dumbfounded, and I croaked a "Huh?". Didn't take long 'til I hung up.
Then I realized: I don't have a forte. Not a single one. I've learnt just about every aspect there is to possibly learn: Piano, Taekwondo, Gymnastics, Swimming, Softball and Jogging. I'm technically supposed to be, well, perfect.
I'm a Grade 7 pianist, but I can't play a single song because I haven't touched the keys for about 2 years 'cos I had to sell my grand piano because it wouldn't fit into my new house. And I sold all the piano books for money. Money is such a horrible thing
I'm a black-tip, but I quit before taking my Black Belt grading 'cos I moved house and my training center was at my house.
I won a gold on beam, and we won C Div 2nd, and I've stopped training so not only can I not even do a hou-shou, or even do a normal split, I've gotten weak and I couldn't get back into training even if I tried.
I used to be a school team swimmer, and a frequent one too. Now I barely go down to the pool, and can hardly swim anymore. So much for Guo Jiaolian's ambitions of making me a triathlete.
I used to be a fucking good runner. Honestly, I really used to be. I used to run just about everyday. I used to be so proud of it. I was good at it. You made sure I was. If you didn't leave, thing's would've turned out a lot better.
And now softball. I can't sprint, nor bat nor pitch nor field.
My point is: I've wasted everything I've learnt. People say being an all-rounder is good, I think being one sucks. I have no direction. I have nothing that I'm good at! And don't even start on my academics. My only "forte" (aka my only 'A') is fucking Chinese! And I can't even speak it properly. So much for "keeping my options open".
I guess you could say I'm pretty jealous of people who are good at something specific. I mean, everybody I know has something they're actually good at. And I, I'm just trying to keep my life stable. I'm trying to re-learn everything I've lost. It isn't working too well, 'cos I've been taught so much. What a waste.
I have a whole argument on why I should even bother, but I'll save that for a another day.
Monday, June 13, 2005
Oh btw, leave a comment. You'll have an absolut-ly great shock. =D
that's all i needed to know
i dreamt of you last night. it was so beautiful; you were so beautiful. you have no idea how happy seeing you made me. bubblegumcrazedidealisticecstaticairheaded happiness. i miss you.
i think my entire day's mood is affected by my dreams and breakfast. my dreams are always good but breakfast is the same bland monotonous shit i eat everyday. i'm starving myself by being picky.
i need good blogs to read. i've only got one which i read religiously because it's just so good. i can narrate to you, i really can. i wish you'd blog more frequently so my brain wouldn't rot.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
New template.
I'm quite sure I did something quite eventful yesterday and the day before but I can't remember what. Went out with my family (not the absolut one). I didn't talk much. At all, actually. I think I ended up scaring some of 'em. =/
why are you so cold now? do you expect me to just fade out of your life just like that? Well i'm done thinking the better of you.
you acted like we were perfect for each other
i'm so tired of being honest with you. i thought we had that unspoken agreement. i thought we were getting somewhere with our lives. i used to wish that you'd talk to me every now and then, or at least not avoid me like you're doing now, but i realize that i wouldn't be able to stand the awkwardness.
i think i should try to be less mean. and by that i mean to be less truthful. the truth hurts and i guess you wouldn't want to hear it so blatantly put, especially not from me. i'll be that quiet submissive girl you pictured of me. wouldn't that just be lovely.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Mr and Mrs Smith is a really good show. It reminded me of Bonnie and Clyde, that sort of love-hate-good-bad relationship between lovers. Beautiful.
Yesterday was busybusybusy. Math in the morning, then training, then a semi-Exco meeting with Coach. Then movie with gymmers. =)
I hate being cramped with people. It's a nauseating feeling, to be so close to people you barely know.
Max has influenced me too much; I love The Juliana Theory so much more now.
Gonna be quite an awkward afternoon, today.
Btw, May the Farm be with you!
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Here's a thought, if you're willing to listen
I only tell the truth of the feelings I'm given
Can you hear me now?
Listen
Whispers in the rain
Listen
Don't push love away, you know you do
It's all we have
It's a chore holding onto a vision
Don't leave her high and dry
She's the one you'll be missing
Can you hear me now?
Listen
Whispers in the rain, while you're awake
Don't push love away, you know you do
It's all we have
I hate to think hesitation is a burden
A bittersweet design for a lesson you're learning
She's crying
Can you feel me now this time?
Whispers in the rain, lying awake
Don't push love away, you know you do
It's all we have
Here's a thought, if you're willing to listen.
- Juliana Theory "Don't push love away"
Monday, June 06, 2005
I didn't mean for all that to appear here. Some things are better off kept inside.
NAG outing with Xiehuan Christl Xinyi Ella Wen Jaja. I missed them so much. Doing absolutely nothing, (other than laughing 'cos these kids wanted us to buy some candle for charity and we were so apprehensive, followed by some modelling ageny scouter asked for my contacts. Hmm), felt so idiotic yet it was such a comfortable thing to do; to sit in food courts and talk about nothing in particular. Felt, good. Xiehuan took loads of pictures with my cam.
And hello you, suddenly decided to check in on me, huh. You couldn't be any more dense than you already are. Trying to sound like you care, when you're only in this to talk/boast/whine about yourself. If you asked for my opinion, you damned well better listen to it. Don't ask me questions like that just to strike a conversation. I don't know if you've been intentionally playing with my mind, but I've moved on and I've learnt from my experience. I'm just not that into you, and I couldn't care for you anymore. You've been caring for yourself a heck lot more than anybody else, so you don't deserve my concern. I've walked out of your life, and you have out of mine. I'd like for it to remain that way.
Don't give me more things to think about. I just don't have the time for this.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
I've tried to stop yabbering. They say a good friend is a listener, and I don't think I'm a good friend to anybody. I don't like sharing, but when I stop talking it's such a pain to be caught in an awkward silence. So I end up squeezing conversations out of myself, for your listening pleasure.
I like being alone now, I like being silent. I like listening to white noise, I like not caring, I like being detached from everything. I know I'm going to regret this, because I'm being completely irrational, but I don't care right now. I do too many things on impulse, and not caring about it is one. I don't know what caused this change, but I guess I always had it in me. Mom thinks I think on behalf of people, that's why I try to be so accommodative.
I don't like sharing because I don't want people to think I'm weird or crazy, because white lies always work best when it comes to my situation. Because if anything negative comes out of me it's always so unexpected, and I guess people aren't used to it. I appear to be many things I'm not. I'm trying to keep my profile low again so that people won't have a stero-type of me, so they wouldn't try to predict or analyze my behaviors. Mom sees it as me protecting the public.
Is it wrong for me to not confide in people? I think I'm a really bad friend.
(Sorry for being so.. anal. I usually get quite pissed off when I feel nauseous.)
Sometimes I'm so mean to people that I feel like locking myself up. I don't want people to get hurt everytime I flare up. And I don't want to appear fake to keep people from thinking that I'm pissed.
I don't think I'm too good a people-person anymore.
Got back from Marriott with Mom last night. Found it initially embarrassing, then I realized that not many mothers would want to go out shopping with their daughters, and not many mothers like splurging on their daughters, especially if she has no money to begin with. That scared me, like most things do. She kept reassuring me Sometimes we just have to spend a bit and that frightened me even more. At least the hotel stay was pleasurable. We woke up the next morning and watched half of the Yankees-Twins game. Yankees were still in the lead when we last left it.
We spent almost $200 on clothing, and $57 on this really beautiful pot. I love mom. I love her for being herself. She always wants me to look beautiful. I love her anyway.
I haven't seen Gege in the longest time. I miss him.
Most of the day was spent occupied sieving and pouring sand into a vase and decorating. I love making things like that. Simple. Beautiful. =)
(:
Friday, June 03, 2005
I like my new Beatles-inspired template. =) Anyway yes I'm blogging here again, but it just won't be half as often as I used to.
Softball camp exposed us all to a whole gamut of feelings, and that's all I'll delve into. Although no matter what, sitting on the track, star-gazing at 1am with a bunch of my closest softball friends was the best feeling in the world. =) (Not including the repercussions.) I'm secretary of the team
now, and I've been very active with my assigned role, though I'm afraid that being in the Exco will compromise relationships.
Going to Mariott with my mom today. Won't be back 'til tomorrow.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Softball camp's tomorrow; something I've been dying to go for, somehow. It's just something that's going to help me escape reality for a while. Hopefully I'll disengage myself with all the politics, because I'd hate for the team to get caught up with it all. It's quite mindless, if you think about it. Funny, how it can all be so easily resolved.
I feel like I'm watching the silhouettes of all of you behind a screen. I don't want to engage in all of this. I don't know if that would affect it in any way. Looks like we'll just have to watch for the outcome of this all.Do I even know any of you anymore?
Oh and by the way, I'm not closing this down, merely leaving it to grow stagnant. Unless something extremely superficial pops up. I'm moving to a place more private.
Good bye.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Yesterday started off horribly, considering it was the last day of school. Thankfully everything got better as the day/night progressed.
Dramafest was good! The last play was completely deserving of a gold in SYF. =) Jumping on the highjump mat with Grace Weiling and Wanda, and eventually only Grace and Scott was so mindless but fun. Who would've guessed that Grace can do back somersaults. =D
Thursday, May 26, 2005
I feel wasted. Academically, I mean, (Yes I'm being rather superficial again) because I've gotten most of my grades back (except Trigo but I don't need to see the paper to already know I've failed. Miserably.) and I'm feeling miserable again. The only thing I'm actually proud of is Chinese (hoho) which is the only A out of the other borderline-passes or downright-fails.
Why am I even whining, it's my fault that I went for the tests sick and drugged and nauseous.
Argh, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Everything in my life is just a blur, and I don't think cos of drugs anymore. My stomach keeps churning and beckoning to me hurl again, but I've done it so many times that I'm so afraid. I've had vivid dreams of my body rotting from the inside out and it scares me so much. Mom's been talking about me that way too. I'm scared.
Everything in my life seems so obscure. I don't know what I've been doing. At all. Don't leave me while I'm still like this.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Post note:
Thinking of shutting down my tagboard. Too much impersonating going on. Getting quite annoying. Shows how many more people there are out there who have problems with their identities.
Oh, I'm such a bitch and I'm selfish and I'm stupid, but at least I'm not in denial.
I haven't felt this lost in a long time.
I have no direction in life. My academic standings put a limit to wherever I intend on going, and I have nothing to offer to get me into a good university and anywhere else after that. I used to have dreams and goals, which I would have fought for. Now reality's the only thing I'm facing now, and it's put my two feet very squarely back on the ground. It's a scary feeling. I have to do some serious soul-searching to find out exactly what I want in my life.
I was also wondering during today's talk about my mom. What will she do when all three of her darling babies are flown off to USA? I'm afraid that when that time comes, I'll be too caught up with the superficial to keep in touch. 'Til then, I'll be kissing and hugging her every night. =)
I'm both sorry and not sorry. Sometimes I just can't stand putting up facades to strike up conversations with you. I won't apologize anymore, because it isn't my fault. I'm not the type who would apologize just to patch things back together. I am above this cold war, and I am above all the things you do to me, and I've had just about enough. I know you don't mean it that way, and I didn't mean it that way, but life's full of misunderstandings. I'm sorry because you had to be there when I felt that I could not control this anymore. You are human and so am I, but I'm having difficulties facing up to that. I'm ready to walk out on this because I know I'm not what you're looking for in a girl. I swear I'm not. I think I'd be too much for you to handle. And I don't want you to get hurt when you realize that.
I liked it so much better when what we had was pure. Everything seems so fake and perfunctory now that I'm starting to wonder why we even bother. It hurts to clamp up inside and put a filter on everything I say, so I only spew boring superficial conversations and compliments, because I hate lying and I hate being fake more than anything else in this world.
Please stop trying to impress me. It makes it look like you're uncomfortable in your own skin, so much so that when I talk about my achievements, I'm afraid that you'd feel awkward. You're making this vicious cycle even more vicious, my dear. I don't want to look like a violent girl, and I know it's in me but I don't want it to show. So please, let's have a bit more honesty in all our lives. I know it's very naive of me to say this but why can't things be simple and innocent and pure again? It's been a long time since I've met anybody like that.
Why can't things be the way they were?
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Things I've learnt:
- Consuming overpriced medicine on an empty stomach is not smart.
- Taking tests after popping pills is not good.
Went out to Jurong Point with Shenxiang after my Bio-org test. Bought.. stuff. Heehee.
SHENXIANG SUCKS. Hoho.
Stomach hurts. Stupid pills.
How did it all end up like this?
Monday, May 23, 2005
Sigh, I slept through most of the afternoon, and I'm very pleased about that. (Though that means that I haven't studied for my Bio-org!) Whatever it is, I'm still sick but feeling tons better. Maybe overpriced medicines has a placebo effect on me. Hoho.
Mom doesn't want me to go to school. Well neither do I, but somehow I feel really obligated to attend. For all I know, maybe I sleep better in school! Haha.
My entries have gotten so dry. Like my throat. Hoho. But feeling nauceous and dizzy is not fun. Ah well, the important thing is I'm recovering. Yay. =)
There is peace in the world again. Hoho.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Guess what I did this afternoon? I slept! Omg, I've never felt so relieved in my life. I slept for about 2 hours, and I woke up so incredibly happy. =)
Medication makes me drowsy. Good, keeps me away from sleeping pills. Yay. =) I SHALL LIVE!
I was such a wreck last night. And now I'm a pissed off wreck. Fuck man.
I couldn't sleep last night, though I put my head down to rest at about 10. But I just couldn't sleep. I almost went crazy, I swear. I'd rush to the kitchen ever half hour to get a drink of water, then to the toilet. My headache was driving me insane and coughing nonstop didn't help either.
Finally realizing that I couldn't sleep, (much like the past few days) I called a variety of people to see who'd be awake at such unearthly hours. Ended up calling Grace and Pok (twice) and my brother who was out clubbing. I was such a wreck, I kept tearing and sneezing and throwing up. Finally called Pok at about 4am (sorry Pok) and talked and started crying and crying. Poor him, to get such a phonecall while he was sleeping. Cried for about half an hour and when I put down, I fell asleep within minutes, to wake up 2 hours later.
My eyes are bloodshot and I look a wreck. Half the time I'm afraid I'd die of insomnia and/or solitary confinement. Too bad I can't really die from either.
Woke up to attempt to go to a doctor. Waited for about an hour, the fucking clerk made me fill in my particulars twice because she lost mine the first time round, got my queue cut by this 5-year old. (the fucking clerk didn't even check with me if it was ok.. bitch)
Finally got to see the doctor, who made me wait 10 minutes more in his room because he was out somewhere, who then finally spent a whopping 5 minutes on me, to tell me what I already knew. I swear, I was so absolutely pissed off. Waited another 10 minutes (mind you, at this time, there were only about 5 fucking people in the bloody clinic) for my medicine, and the fucking clerk told me to pay $61. I swear, I almost hit her botox-ed face. I was so pissed off, and so was my mom, who screamed at her (I love my mom so much sometimes) and demanded that I only pay $50 first to get the medicine. That bitch. I swear I'm never going back there.
And now I'm home, feeling a wreck again. Last night was a complete blur and now I'm just really pissed off and grumpy. Sorry for making this post so annoying. That's what being sick does to you. =(
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Been sleeping most of the day because my eyes hurt from sneezing so much. But while I was conscious, spent most of the time watching videos like this (courtesy Dev) and Weebl and Bob.
Eyes hurt. Tired of sneezing. Edited my shared playlist and got rid of all my punk-rock bands (temporarily) like Rage Against the Machine, Metallica, The Hives etc. so I could sleep better. Haha, maybe I truly am becoming more lady-like. Haha. Oh and by the way, I only made this template because I love lilies so much. Heh.
Somehow, problems always emerge when people are idle.
Off to sleep. Good night.
Friday, May 20, 2005
I don't know how you guys put up with me. But I'd like to say a big thank you to everybody who tagged or messaged or checked in on me while I was sick. Cliche as it may sound, you guys really make me feel a lot less horrid inside. I love you guys so much.
Being sick is one thing, whining about it is another. I stumbled upon a few other people's blogs and I realized how truly blessed I am to be generally healthy, with such a sweet group of friends supporting me. Plus people are comforting me while they themselves aren't happy themselves. I'm so sorry, I really don't deserve all of this from you guys. =(
Anyway hooray for IP! We made it through assessment week. I've still got bio-org to go though, but oh hum. Haha.
My bro's coming home tonight, hooray. He's just the perfect brother to have. =) Butt of course he's tied first with Nicky. <3
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Stupid bitchofateacher didn't photocopy the 75 chengyu's we have to learn. Hence I'm not learning anything.
I'm scared, now. But I'm too tired and nauseous to do anything.
For the weirdest reasons, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds keeps playing in my head when I throw up. Hoho.
Good night.
i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing now.
Studied for about 10 minutes in the morning, only because my mom was afraid I was going to fail all my tests. Went to kap to pick up my shou ce from pok. Got back and my headache got worse and I ended up coughign like crazy. threw up again. Started crying because I looked so pathetic crouched over a toilet bowl throwing up what little things I ate. crying is for losers, you once told me, because when people cry, they stop being rational. Told my mom but she still wants me to go to school. Probably because I left out the more significant details. She just wants me to certify the damned documents so my lil' bro can come to IP. Told me to rest and I did for about half an hour. Woke up when my wounds shot pain down my leg. Did math for 5 minutes with my brother's help, 'til he said "go rest la, you look damn tired." took a shower and now I don't know what to do with myself.
i hate being sick. so much.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Bad day, today. I knew I shouldn't have went to school.
Went to school without realizing that we had tests. Trigo was so ridiculous, for a 1 and a half hour paper. Honestly. I "finished" my paper in half an hour and spent the rest of the time sleeping. Then I started tearing from all the sneezing and coughing and it hurt like crazy. And I was so pissed off at trigo. The funny thing was that I was thinking 'It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings'. And then miraculously enough, TNT waltzed in to talk to the person in front of me. And I just gave up. When I realized that all 3 Math tutors were staring at me, and that tearing all over my brother's jacket would not do, I graciously excused myself to go to the toilet, there which I spent 15 minutes throwing up. Went back up to sleep through the test. Now all 3 math teachers think I'm a fucktard. AND I've got the fucked grades to prove it.
Stormed off after the Maths test. I don't know, it isn't exactly an emotion that I'm thoroughly familiar with. Sorry if I scared off some people, I'm just not as good at putting on fronts as I used to be.
Softballers made it better I guess. Joyce and Leon spent most the time arguing whether I was truly insane or not. Yawen was defending my sanity. =)
Went to Turf City for about an hour, to spend most of the time shovelling sand around because the diamond was flooded and in such poor state. Went back to NJ with Yawen and Wendy for the stupid Sports Day.
My intention was to run 800m, then return to Turf City to attend our prize presentation. But somehow, one thing led to the other and I ended up running 3 more events. Got 3rd for 800 and 3rd for our class 4x100 which I thoroughly screwed up. I'm not a sprinter, period. The last event for me was probably the most screwed-up memorial one: 4x400 house relay. Somehow just as I was about to grab the baton and run, I found myself on the floor, with one shoe off. Fucked. So, being the never-quitter that I am, continued my entire race with one shoe. Hmm, brings back memories of my first biathlon. Hohoho.
Anywho, I only realized that I had 2 open wounds on both knees after the race. Whatever. Oh but hey, 04IP03 won the IP cup. Hoo-rah.
And went home very, very tired. The only thing I'm truly proud of is that I didn't collapse today. Physically, I mean. My stomach's gotten stronger.
IP is so.. belittled. I mean, nobody cares about us anymore. Announcers can completely forget that the IP cup wasn't given out yet. Prize presentation for us softballers can only be held tomorrow, when the IP cohort isn't around. Fucked up.
I don't know how I can get so worked up over all this shit. And I've been very incoherent today. Half the time I couldn't speak anyway, because my throat hurt so bad. Whatever it is, don't read into this entry too much, because I'm PMS-ing. Unless of course you intend on making this world a better place.
And now I'm waiting for my mom and brother to come home so I can eat.
I'm going to be a hermit.
Bad day, today.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
I don't want to live with a 4th place trophy. BUT I will. Eventually. =)
I just remembered that there's assessment week tomorrow. And I'm not even mildly worried. EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON IT YET! I spent most of today playing online speed. Very amusing stuff. Oh and watching Desperate Housewives. Haha. Man I'm so screwed. Hahaha.
Sports day tomorrow too! I don't know how I'm going to juggle supporting the guys' team, going for prize presentation and going for the sports meet. Hah.
Oh and for those who forgot, NICKY'S AN ACTOR!
Monday, May 16, 2005
"Michael Jackson is Peter Pan in his heart, and Pinocchio in his pants" - Tiny Fey on SNL.
My old blogging habits have resurfaced again. *shrugs* I'm such a compulsive blogger, of the most superficial things.
Something queer happened today. I don't know what's wrong with this world that's causing such a series of queer, completely random occurrences. Maybe I'm too random myself. I like my life random. I'd hate for somebody to be able to predict me.
I'm always angry around meal-times. Another reason why I hardly eat, probably. It's not that I don't want to be Fat and Fair, because I've applied moisturizer at least 3 times already today. (Oh gosh I'm turning into Grace.) I just don't like eating. There's nothing pleasurable about it. And all I've been eating is the same old crap, because nobody could ever cook like you could. I'd kill for your cooking. I miss going out to fancy diners that had the New York feeling like Tony Romas. I miss it all.
I miss my bro. Haven't seen him in ages. He's the type who makes everything in your messed-up world seem normal again. Hah, funny how I haven't seen that word in a lot time.
I think I'm sick. I have a terrible sore throat and I've been sneezing non-stop. And my stomach feels funny. It keeps me from eating because it's such a disgusting feeling. Mom thinks I have worms in my stomach from not eating enough. -__-" Haha. Oh by the way, sick people are grumpy people, and grumpy people are intolerable of stupidity, or cutesy crap. So cut it. ARGH I feel like a walking ball of anger that just sat on everybody and killed 'em all.
You called me a dysfunctional girl today. It reminded me of how you also called me a pugnacious girl, and it made me want to laugh and laugh and laugh. So many people have said that about me but with different words and different implications. I've grown to love it, really, I have.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Hooked on to the 2 greatest songs on earth:
Dangerously in Love - Beyonce
Don't turn around - Ace of Base
Spent most of the afternoon deciphering Charmaine's ex-softball blog's html to transfer it to our new blog. That kept me from getting pissed off over Physics. Haha.
Softballers! Go visit the softball blog here!
Ace of Base is a cool group.
Eating has become a chore again. And I feel like throwing up every time I do. This is not helping me gain weight in any way. =(
Saturday, May 14, 2005
sotiredsotiredsotired. Went to school for optional training by order of mel/pok. Met up with Mel Yawen and Miss Ling and had the best chat in ages. =) Went to Adam Food Court after that to have ice kachang.
Went back to school and did a bit of electrochem before falling asleep. Woke up and went to the hall to watch the darn College Day nonsense. Not very sure what happened after that, but I ended up in the German Room with Dria Grace Weiling Wanda Stef Scott and a big bunch of Strings people. Hmm.
Went to KAP after that with Stef Grace and Weiling. Got trapped in the rain. Called Nicky down to pick me up from the bus stop but the rain lightened.
Missed my bro. He was home for barely a day. He's so sweet. AND apparently he's the fastest 2.4k runner in OCS: 8.30 mins. Freak, that's so mega cool. Right now, all I'm hoping for is a chance to run 800m this weds! Haha.
What an utterly pointless day. So many weird random things kept going on concurrently that I'm so.. erp-ed.
I don't see how money can buy happiness. I mean, money keeps you out of poverty which sorta brings you happiness; the kind of happiness that we haven't been having for quite a while. But we're still ok. What's odd is how you're so easily affected by how people can't live up to your materialistic demands. And what's worst is that you're so proud of it. I guess that's why I'm so different from you. In fact, I just hate it when people give me stuff. It makes me feel so weird because I can never quite repay them. I mean, I used to have luxuries. I used to have it all. I probably even had more than you. But it never made me proud or anything. I never flaunted my wealth in front of others. Because it's just rude. And now you're doing the same to me and it makes you look so shallow. I almost feel embarrassed for you. It's not good being poor, but being rich and proud's worse.
Bah, I'm incoherent again.
Am I too random for you? Because I swear I'd never change. Not for you, not for anyone else.
Good night.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Half the class wasn't around in school today. Wonder why. *hurrr
Went out for a supposed girls' team lunch after school, but it only turned out to be Mel Joyce Reggie Thang Gerard-James, and eventually Wanyi Pok and James. (hmmm) Stef popped by for a bit. Ate at Golden Rooster. Wanyi threw the already-broken-hammer at Reggie. *snort*
Pictures of the last softball game and a few other random pics are up here.
I love my team to bits, no matter what. =)
But I never stopped wanting to be a gym-routine choreographer. =D
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Sleepy. Need sleep. Need to finish homework. *clonk*
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
SIGH.
We thrashed JJ today, 19-4. You'd think we'd be happy. =( But the thought of getting 4th is very unsettling. Very unsettling indeed. We were supposed to thought we were going to get 3rd, so much. It just isn't fair. As Coach put it, we had climbed Mount Everest and now we had to come down. Sigh.
Dinner with the girls' team and coach at Swensons made it better though.
But I feel so lost. I don't like not being in control of my life. Putting our team's results in the hands of the RJ-HC match today is DEFINITELY not something I enjoyed. The sense of hopelessness while watching the match was so painful that I couldn't take it. And I felt so confused, cos I had no idea who to root for because the conditions kept changing.
Pitching is very enjoyable. The entire game in your hands; it's a good feeling. Pitching for 2 innings with absolutely no pressure today felt good. I like knowing the fate of the team's in my hands, until the ball's released and hit somewhere.
I don't like feeling powerless. Neither do I like losing. I guess it's the Nan Zhong Jing Shen, where we feel compelled to win. Ok maybe not compelled, per ce, but we just feel so motivated to win. Oh, how we cried when we didn't get 1st for gym last year. 2nd can never compare, especially not if the margin was 0.2.
And this year, us softballers, we had something to prove. We had a goal. And we thought we had it.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
I'm back again for another mindless entry.
I was worried about how many lessons I've missed because of our season, but today I had a complete day of lessons, the first in a long time, hence I realized how absolutely boring school is. But I'm really behind schedule. I need.. good smart studying people, hopefully with no personality so I won't end up chatting while studying. =D
Thankfully our final game against JJ is tomorrow! We can get it all over and celebrate! Then study. =(
Softball elections are coming up, and I hope none of the girls are affected by it or anything. We're already so bonded, I'd hate for politics to get to any one of us. If anything, I'd much rather our girls' team turn.. communist! (Ok fine, too much Nanyang influence. Haha)
I used to be a very sentimental person. In fact, I still have a wad of letters I used to write from primary 6! And I had a ton of old swimming trophies I've been collecting since I was 5 or something. But thankfully I've thrown most of them out. What a waste of space! But I have a couple of decent trophies I have which I'm extremely proud of:
1) The parent-child swimming relay I participated in when I was 12. I'll never forget it. =)
2) My gym trophies! My lovely 1st on beam, and of course our team trophy. Which I can't find. =(
3) Our highly-anticipated softball trophy! It'll be in our blistered hands come Wednesday!
My goodness, I'm in such a lovely mood. Good luck to NJ boys softball team! =)
Monday, May 09, 2005
Well, what can we say:
WE WON RJ!! =D
I've never felt more proud of our team in my life. =D We've proven so much. =) AND we get rewards too: A treat from Mr Tong and Miss Ling at Cafe Cartel today, and a Swensons treat from coach! It's so rewarding to see that our hard work's all paid off!
Went back to crash the guy's training after lunch with Yawen Mel Stef and Wendy. Started cleaning everything we could see, honestly. We cleaned the catcher's equipment, bases and even watered the field! This caused some awkwards moments with the cleaning auntie and a bottle of hand lotion. =D
Anyway we ended up feeling pretty odd, but at least we got some batting done. Oh, when batting against the guys, I actually slid past Nick to get to 3rd! It was like my first official (though rather screwed-up) slide of the season! And it wasn't even during a game! Haha.
I am so incredibly tired. Like so, so, incredibly tired. My legs are aching beyond imagination. And I haven't even started worrying about how the heck I'm going to catch up with my studies, because I'm crazily behind.
But whatever it is,
I LOVE US NJ SOFTBALLERS! =)
Sunday, May 08, 2005
PSYCHED!
Ok fine, not really. But hopefully if I stare at that lovely word long enough, maybe I will in turn feel psyched! And somehow I'm very convinced we will play tomorrow, since our game starts at 9am! Psych psych psych!! GO NJ GIRLS!! Hahaha.
I am so much in love with Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Really, watch it!
Oh, there better not be half day tomorrow. Haha.
"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on" Hawelock Ellis. Beautiful. =)
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Training today was, queer. An odd swirl of emotions. First there was frustration because I wasn't pitching well, then this wave of hysteria, intoxication, light-headedness and wildness. And it was so contagious. Everybody was just so high. It was a crazed sight, sort of like when the truckload of weed caught fire in Cheech and Chong. It was just, crazy. =D Wild, crazy fun. =) Played a mini-game against the boys after that. Good to see that I can hit again, though I'm not too sure how long it can last. With Wanyi - LF, me - CF, Fadz - RF, we practically formed the 3 screw-up-ers of the century outfielders club. It was just so.. ridiculous.
Went out for lunch after that with the girls' team. It's good to see all our spirits up. =) This light-hearted mood's been keeping me sane and sober, ironically enough. =)
Anyway Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends is by far the cutest and most hilarious show on earth that everybody just to watch it. =D It makes me muchos happy.
Friday, May 06, 2005
Can hardly think of anything that happened to school, because I haven't been in school that much anymore.
YET ANOTHER raincheck for us. =/
So we've resorted to playing on Monday morning. Stayed back with the girls to play Concentration NJ Softball, and finally went out with Yawen Chris Elsa Stef Mel Wendy and a big bunch of boys. Us girls stayed in KFC just.. talking. It's good to know that we can all confide in each other. =) It's been such a short period of time, and we're all so different individually, yet somehow we bond so incredibly well. =) You guys make me feel less guilty for leaving Nanyang. =)
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Did grounders today with Pok and Reggie. I'm hoping I'll be prepared enough to field tomorrow, though the thought of the RJ coach running to me saying "McCurdy's sister ah? Yao jiu, yao jiu ah! (Must save, must save!) is rather amusing.
Saw Yiyou at the bus stop outside my house while coming back. She wished me luck for tomorrow's game. =) Notice how less political girls teams are? Lovely feeling.
By the way, one should know a bit more about my father before impersonating him on my blog. And my mother too. Years have gone past, things have changed, and I've hardened. So I don't take such remarks that lightly anymore.
Psych up girls! This game is everything. WE CAN DO IT!
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Another raincheck for today's game. I don't know how much more of it I can take - the freaking out, the psyching up, the letting down. Isn't life always like that?
I have the largest bruise on earth on my shin. Disgusting.
WAP, just fuck off. It's obvious you're in need of attention, and appearing anonymous and insulting people you don't know is probably giving you some cheap thrill. People like you disgust me, but I've seen so much of it that I've almost grown immune to it. But I'm so pissed at so much random jargon that I need to take it out on somebody.
I'm incoherent again, and pretty pissed off.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Pre-life determining-match thoughts, and other matters
You've probably heard me say this a lot, but I miss gym so much. =( And not just gym anymore, I've been thinking about running. I used to run a lot, as father-daughter bonding activities. Now so much has changed, I've taken such a drastic turn in my CCA. (Yes, I, on the contrary, take pride in whatever CCA I participate in.) I guess it's almost human nature to be competitive. I don't like joining things to have fun alone, because, hopefully the fun comes along with winning. I don't think I've ever joined anything I haven't won. Yes yes it sounds mighty superficial but it's just a thing for me. It just has to be this way.
I guess the tables have all turned, since softball isn't exactly something anybody can excel in individually. What we do affects each other, and I guess I haven't adapted to this new concept yet, considering how I'm getting worse at softball. And I don't want this to affect the team.
I don't feel pressured to perform per se, I just feel.. confused. Very very confused. My performance at our last game was horrendous, and I don't want it to recur. Ever.
Find me a million words for indifferent, find me a million words for confused, cos I can't think of anything to describe what I'm feeling now. Too many things are going on too fast. What a perfect time to doubt my existence in softball. Hurh.
Oh by the way, if anybody ever associates any of my actions/blogs to liking/loving somebody, you will get majorly hurt. I have no time for infatuations or otherwise, and I don't want to be in love with anybody. Not now. I have no time/money/energy to be attached in any way. I don't see myself as a frequently head-over-heels type girl, so don't associate me to one of them. It's disgusting. Neither am a fucked-up punk wannabe who tries to be angsty for the hell of it and to get sympathy tags. Miss Teo's "You're a.. cool gal" comment keeps playing in my mind now.
Thank god my tagboard's down. I don't want to see what people have to say about all this. =/
Stay strong for the team. Others before self. As always.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Today was a good day. Took my mind off a lot of stuff. =)
Went out with Grace Steffi SX and eventually Tim Tinho and James. *snort* Had lunch at macs. Went into just about every store in Orchard trying on ridiculous dresses with Grace and Steffi. =D Hilarious stuff. Tested OSIM chairs and random sofas and mattresses and applied make-up on each other and everything. Hilarious, I tell you. =D
Walked over to American Club to meet my family + Arya and another one of my bro's friends. Had pizza, then dropped them off somewhere. Asked Arya to watch the RJ-NJ match. =) Dropped Gege at SAFTI (he's an Officer Cadet guy now, apparently) then reached home.
Random outings like this keeps my mind off the other troubles I'm currently facing. Running away does help. =)
Sunday, May 01, 2005
I need to get out of this mad house.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
I am a computer jinx. =(
Training today was really slack, though everybody was sweating like crazy. Reminds me of how Wang used to make us do whatever we want, as long as we were sweaty by the end of 10 minutes. Good times. =)
Team lunch at CurryWok was good. Real value for money, I like =D Stupid boys were making fun of me and my budget diet. =( Haha.
I'm cold again. Colder than ever. People have been treating me so indifferently that I've grown indifferent too. I feel.. oddly left out. Like I've lost everything. It feels so ironic somehow. Just one of those days where you realize that you're not good at anything, cos you're through pretending you were somebody. I used to be.. up there. Now it's just.. this. This emptiness. This awkward silence I share with the rest of the world, because I'm afraid of what they'd think of me. I'm afraid of what I'm becoming.
If I shut up long enough, people may not even notice me. God I sound like a fucking suicidal introvert. =/
Ah fuck it, nobody likes a depressed liyan.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Note I'm only replying to tags because there have been a lot of odd ones around. =D
vicky: Yes darling, fat is good! Having a little bit more meat on our bones doesn't kill, ya hear? =D
mel: nonsense spamming. =D You really are crazy. =D But I love you anywayyy! =)
fake odour-ful grace: *snort*
pimple/grace: Bitch. Haha, well at least it is Decreasing in Size!
pok: Nonsense. =D Yea I'm sure your big mouth can just shut by itself. =D
tim: snort snort snort snort snort snort snort snort *chokes on nose* Hahaha. *snort*
waw: OEIII!! Hahaha.
-: Yea I probably do cos there are many things going wrong in my life, but I don't like expressing it on my blog or making a big deal out of it.
WAP: ? Who you?
Gonna watch Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke again. It's a freaking hilarious 60s show. Love it. =D
Thursday, April 28, 2005
I've been so incoherent lately that I'm scaring myself. And I've been so sleepy that it's driving me crazy. Beaver just puts me to sleep.
Can't remember anything worth putting up on my blog. Oh dear. My life has gone very much Dry. =/
You're too much of a pep-py girl for me; it's too late at night to tolerate your perkiness. My head hurts thinking about it. =( People usually assume ENTPs (especially ones like me) always need to be Big, Loud and Awake. It kills me, because it automatically gives me this reputation to live up to.
That's how you know if you've met somebody really special: When you can shut the fuck up and share a comfortable silence - Uma Thurman (Pulp Fiction)
It's impossible for me to share a silence. It just kills me. Am I a bad friend? =/
And another thing. I find that I constantly upset those who care about me most, cos I dish out too much about myself onto them and they don't know how to help. =/
HELLO MEL THIS IS FOR YOU. =D
This has been such a mindless ramble. Note: This is a ramble not a rant. 'The fuck's wrong with everybody? Stop assuming I'm pissed off and shit.
By the way I'm off swearing. *snort*
Good bye. =/
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
*snort*, so much for a completely random entry.
We won our TP match! *snortsnort* Still relatively pissed off at.. roar. Goodness. How dare you say something like that. Not even Baldy Wang would've said something like that if I were to've fallen off the beam a million times. =(
Thanks Pok and the girls team. =) And no thanks to that #$@&*#( TP senior who kept taunting me. I mean, guys aren't supposed to taunt girls. Period.
Anyway, went out to KAP with Steffi Cil and Scott. We did many odd things there. *squeeek!* Hahaha. Sat around til about 8, then realized there was the #$@&*#* IH test tomorrow. I'm so absolutely dead. Don't worry, I'm not those who mug behind closed doors then say "Oh, I haven't mugged at all!". So trust me. All I know about IH is what I will be studying tonight/tomorrow.
*SNORT*
Gotta start studying. Btw my lil' bro made the part for the acting thing, despite the huge dilemna. Poor kid. Haha.
AND POOR ME!! NEED TO STUDY!
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Maris Stellar is a pretty fucked school. *rolls eyes*
I have a lot more to say, as always, but I'll save it for a more sober day.
[edit]Ok I can't wait. Apparently, my bro's clique in school did something really stupid, you can't even call it an offence. So anyway, the teacher told 'em off. End of story? You fucking wish. The teacher called up my older brother who happened to be in NS to complain to him about my younger bro! (By the way, my younger brother didn't even DO anything. He just happened to be in their clique) I mean like, wtf? Fucked up.
Pissed off at so many other things. My mom thinks I've lost my fighting spirit. Have I? I don't know. I'm just so pissed. And I have a really bad memory. I'm still trying to gain weight. Weiling's trying to get me on weight gainers that cost $10. But I mean, why spend money to make you spend more money? Waste money. Andandand, a lot more nonsense's been going on. Had a major sharing session with Pok. Good stuff. =D YOU again. You, asshole. TELEPATHIC ASSHOLE. SEE IF YOU CAN READ MY MIND AND SOMEHOW RELATE TO MY LIFE. Hah, if people really based what they thought I was on my blog, they'd probably think I'm crazy. Or. Scattered. I love that word. Scattered like a scatterbrain.
WHY THE CRAP DO THE IP APPLICANTS HAVE TO PAY FUCKING $50 TO APPLY?! If they made us pay, only the rich/non-cheapskate'd get in. ie: I'd most defi-fucking-nately would not get in. And I'd be in lovely pure Nanyang.
My god. This entry is so fucking random. I think I'm high. Impossible. I haven't even had a sip. My goodness. I am so RANDOM.
WE WERE BROKEN BUT DIDN'T KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
what the crap is wrong with me?
Monday, April 25, 2005
Here's my lineup for the next 3 days:
Today: VJ match
Tomorrow: 3k run for Solaris =/
Day after: TP match
Wish me luck. *snort*
---
I've decided to gain weight. Like, get fat. Wish me luck, too! =)
---
Everybody's so depressed, over things they should be, instead of the usual trivial nonsense. Anyway I probably sound incredibly insensitive right now, but whatever it is, (here comes the cliche), I know what you guys are going through. Honestly. =)
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Wow, it's been almost 3 days without a blog entry! Unbelievable. =D
Friday:
Pointless. All I remember about it was going to some really cold place for dinner to celebrate my Grandfather's 79th birthday.
Saturday:
Training was fun somehow. Hit a homerun! =) The entire girls' team bathed after training and it was so hilarious, I tell you. Went to Coro for lunch with the boys after that.
Went home, fell asleep, and woke up just in time to get ready for Boeing Boeing. Ended up trading skirts with Rachel. (Long story) Boeing Boeing was OK I guess, but it got a bit fake and predictable after a while. Physicist was tons better.
Went to Clementi Macs with Stef SX and Scott (SSSL?) Haha. Sat around talking about the oddest stuff. =) Got good friend SX to walk me back, just in case my fingers "weren't strong enough to jab". =D
Today:
Went out with my family to American Club. Ended up unintentionally ordering some veggie filled burrito thing. Haha.
Had a good dream last night. It was unexpected, to say the least, yet somehow so inspiring. Made me wonder why I was waiting for something to happen, when I could so easily take control of it. And I did.
Dreams truly are inspirational. =)
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Lessons were mundane as ever. BUT I did sit in front with Grace during Electrochem because I thought I needed help. Ah well, it didn't really help. *resists snorting*
Training today was slack as ever. But I fear my stamina is completely gone. Wasted, more like it. I used to be.. somebody. =/ Luckily for me, I had the rest of the team high as ever, which kept everybody's moods up. =)
VJ game on monday and TP game on wednesday. Why do I keep re-emphasizing that? Heh. =/
Oh by the way, you can't use the same tactics twice. It gets too obvious, and the real you just shows through. We've all learnt from the past and we have grown immune to you and your shit.
We will all reach a point in our lives where we're dissatisfied with ourselves, and try to make ourselves appear as somebody else. So I don't know if you're trying to be like me, but I don't like how people associate you with me, considering how I've been trying to make myself not appear like you.
Speaking of which, do people think of me as an Angsty Girl? I mean, it's not as if my blog entries comprise of "hate my school.. *rant rant rant*, hate my family.. *rant rant rant*, hate my class.. *rant rant rant*, hate my life *mega-rant rant rant*? Goodness. =)
My paragraphs don't have any connections, by the way. Anyway I think I'm never half as high at home as I am in school. I'm always completely sober at the computer, and being sober usually leads to being grumpy. Go figure, because I can't. =D
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
HC match
Thoroughly upset by today's performance. Was the first full match for the Nationals and it was really really badly played, on my part at least.
Playing CF was horrid, considering how I was too worried about my own pitching. Hah, I worry about the wrong things at the wrong times. Good batting on everybody's part, mine included (I surprise myself, really) but Horrendous base running. Honestly. Disgusting. Such a huge waste. ROAR. My goodness, I hit such a lovely ball to outfield, got to 2nd, but misread coach's signal and tried to steal to 3rd, but landed up in a hot-box, slid to 3rd and got out. (This only makes sense if you're a softballer) But it's so so annoying because I realized that they weren't that good. If we were in top form we could've narrowed the margin a bit more. Oh hum.
Oh oh but I did get to see Wennn and my laogong Choonyee and all my other NY friends. Lovely feeling. (:
VJ match's up next monday and TP match next wednesday. My goodness, can we recover in time? Whatever it is, gotta psych up for the VJ game! Determines everything.
I find it rather creepy when people read my blog and don't tag. Worst still, those who aren't close to me at all who talk to me about my blog entries to act as if they don't read my blog and believe in telepathy and can feel my pain. Gross.
Not particularly in a philosophical/anal mood today, so will stop before this gets boring and incoherent. I don't think I make sense anymore. Oh dear.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Trained a bit after Stellar E with Yawen and Stef today, while Mel, her friend (Number 67!) and the IP2 boys painted the field, and with a mob of IP2 non-softballers/softball-wannabes tau-pok-ing. Was really off today. =/ Ah well. Now my entire body's numb, and so is my ass (thanks for asking, Wendy) Haha.
At least 5 IP2 boys are considering joining softball.
Was about to say something but decided to save it. It isn't polite to be rude. *snort*
I'm so easily agitated! I'm full of contradictions today. I'm particularly schizo today. How.. Annoying.
Most people find me annoying for being ambiguous. Is that even my fault that I don't want to expose my life to the world for their viewing pleasure? Though it isn't much fun being ambiguous when some people can decipher everything I subconsciously write, like the girl Who Always Never Does Ass-licking. *MEGA-snort*
But on that note, I can't believe people are bothered to read in between the lines. (don't take this literally) Whatever I write here is usually random ramblings, so I'm usually very amazed by how people take whatever I write here seriously. Amazing.
HC game tomorrow, a home game. Amazing. But it don't matter because
NJ GIRLS' SOFTBALL TEAM KICKS SO MUCH ASS!!
Monday, April 18, 2005
Excuse me for being so analytic. (:
Yes, I'll admit - I've still been avoiding you. It just feels so odd, for us to come this far in such a short time. But times've changed and so've you. I'm too late anyway. I'm sorry for being so cold. =/
I want to save everything else I've lost. I'm not going to sit here and reminisce about the past and talk about how I miss it, not knowing I can do something. And I will, someday.
On a lighter note, training today made everybody feel so high as always. It's just the carefree feeling we get; it's a good feeling. (: Though it was Universal Pitchers Screw-Up Day, (as proven by me getting HBP by Clemence Kng himself, twice on the foot and once on my ass, causing me to scream "F*CK!!!" really loudly, but honestly, it hurt like crap. I was crossed between laughing and crying to death. Even coach was laughing at me. =/ Hahaha), I guess I pitched a bit better during the mock game against the guys. It was so fun I guess, despite the multiple mistakes. Ah well, learn and forget about it. =)
After training we did such ridiculous stuff - We had a sit-up competition which ended up with me falling off the sit-up bench because I shared it with Yawen and both of us were laughing like crazy. Then Wendy Yawen Mel Michelle Steph and I played catching though everybody was barely visible. Hilarious, I tell ya! =)
I LOVE THE NJ SOFBALL GIRLS' TEAM!! <3
We kick so much ass. =D
Sunday, April 17, 2005
I find it annoying (actually, come to think of it, more pathetic than annoying) how people mistake sincerity for jealousy. And it's even more disgusting in your case. And I can't find a way to get through to you without sounding like some jealous bitch, because I am definitely not the least bit jealous. Because there's nothing to be jealous about. Sorry but it's so horribly true. =/
Once again, I'm not pissed or anything. I've found that there are better emotions to feel than to be pissed. What a waste of time, to be pissed or sad. =) But currently I've been thinking of several things simultaneously that I've forgotten about everything I should be thinking about, which results in me being very incoherent. As proven.
I'm thinking about Wednesday's lineup, and who's going to play SS. And I wish coach'd tell us the lineup before we go warmup to give us a sort of assurance.
And I feel annoyed by how I can't find the perfect song to describe me right now. I feel that there always is a song to describe everything, because artistes will always find ways to connect to the listener's every emotion. But I can't find a song! Which is quite scary because you'd think that there has to be the song within my 1124 song songlist. =/ Which explains why I reverted to non-radio-friendly music. I practically have every genre of music in my playlist except for maybe country because I never could quite connect to country. Whatever it is, I'm just not cut out for it.
Or maybe I'm just too warped for the music industry. =)
Sorry but this is going to be a long boring entry. =(
2 days ago:
Went to watch Grace Jeremy and Cil jam with Wanda. It's really expensive. Many odd things happened, including that canteen vendor showing me pictures of his daughter who looks exactly like me. Haha. Went to Delifrance with Grace and we just sat there eating. We're such piggy losers. =D
Yesterday:
Had training and it had such a lovely homey feeling to it. I love softball again. Everybody's so crazily hyped up that we can never stop laughing both on and off the field. But we have a tad bit of seriousness on the field. That's always good. =)
Went to Adam Road Food Court with 'em after training because I had a huge craving for Ice Kachang and so did Yawen and eventually Wanyi. Almost the entire girls' team was there and it felt so lovely just talking nonsense together. =)
Slept for a while when I got back and rushed out of the house for Mel's Maldives BBQ. Thanks Mel for reuniting all of us. =) Left at about 10, and got my bro to pick me up from Clementi. What a sweetie. After all, I don't intend on getting molested anytime soon, even though I've mastered the pokingjabbing motion to the eyes ("You can't just poke the eyes like a girl you know, you have to jab them!" - My mom) Haha.
Reply to tags:
(I'm so sorry for making this so painfully boring)
tim and scott: ... You guys suck too. =D
xiehuan: HELLO too! =D
tim: You suck like dogs. Ok that sounds.. wrong. Haha. And YES you were right about people being superficial. =/
dria: You only tag here only to advertise yourself. Hahaha. =D Anyway I still want a blue cow. *pouts* Haha
pradeep: Once again, TOMPANG TOMPANG TOMPANG! Sounds like tomyam. Hmm. =) AND for the record, it doesn't hurt to be excessively reflective, unless you're suicidal. Haha. That's my theory, anyway. =D
usual suspect: Haha. Well one of the dickiebirds only had half an ass on the railing because another one of the dickiebirds had a big ass. HAHAHA. =D
wanda: I can type the rest too, but I'm not bored enough. =D
weiling: Hahaha, Mr Lo is very very amusing. =D
right butt: Hahaha, where's the anus? =D Anyway WE NEED AN EMERGENCY MEETING!! Hahaha.
milomel: Haha, I'm dreaming about youuu! =D
rach: Hee, well it's he himself who's funny, in more ways than one. =D Love you tooo!
anonymous: *snort*, yea I'm sure. =D
Meanwhile, WHAT ARE SINGAPORE'S PRINCIPLES OF GOVERNANCE?
I'm so sorry guys, I'll come up with a more substantial entry to compensate for this one shortly. =)
Friday, April 15, 2005
Dreamt of you again last night. Really made my day. (: Oh, and sorry for avoiding you. It's been almost a week, and I'm so sorry. It's not that I don't want to talk to you or anything, I'm just afraid of awkward silences. I don't deal with them that easily. And I don't initiate that easily. Not that I have anything to lose. =/ I'm just not as outgoing as I appear to be.
Did some thinking and realized people are so superficial. Had this conversation with Tim last night and during LA today. Which is scary because it makes you think - is it that common nowadays?
Western Dance must've been under tremendous stress, since the other 3 dance groups got Gold with honours. And it's scary now, because some people were only hoping that they'd get the same so that we could have a half day. And everybody always assumes that they'd fare the same. I think that's just pathetic. And really horrible, considering how hard they must've trained. I mean, dance is subjective. It's like gym, almost, where your results are ultimately based on the judges.
You did good, Western Dance, and likewise for the 3 other dances (:
And while we're at it, if there's one thing I hate about betting, it's when people bet against a person/group. I mean, it practically shows that you want them to screw up or whatever, so you win money. How utterly annoying.
By the way I'm not pissed or anything. I'm just.. excessively reflective, as you put it. (:
Thursday, April 14, 2005
A spark of hope within her heart,
though the odds slim,
your heart to win,
yet she's too hopeful to part.
Dreamt of you again. It's odd, because I don't know who you are. And everytime I ask who you are, I wake up. But it's a good feeling, a nice warm toasty feeling. Something to look forward to, because I don't know what to look for. It makes everything so much more beautiful.
Sigh, today's perfect dream was adruptly ended because I had to meet the Usual Suspects at KAP. =)
... =D Several odd things happened after that. =D
But now I truly AM schizo; 'cos training's the only thing keeping me up and going.
Got high with Yawen and Joyce again because Yawen was wearing the most hilarious colours of socks. =D
Tired though I'm not sure why. It wasn't as if we were training particularly hard (that scares me, really) but I guess it was just a long day. A long lovely day. =)
Guess it's fated. Can't decide if it's good or bad. "It's a double-edged sword", in the words of Mr Lo. =)
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Stupidstupidstupid. *snort* How utterly annoying.
OUR GAME GOT RAINED ON.. AGAIN!! It was surprising, really, because I had expected to be thrashed flat, but by the bottom of the 3rd inning, we were only down 2-0! Got a raincheck instead. =(
Ah well, tom-pang-ed Yawen's car back with Wanyi, Wendy and Elsa. It was the most hilarious car ride, ever! =D
Walked back from Clementi MRT and stopped to pet at least 10 cats. I love cats. So so much. <3
Everybody go listen to Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani. I want I want the video!! Stupid Kazaa. =(
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Going downstairs to.. think.
Another one of those contemplate life kinda days.
To think I'm supposed to be psyching myself up.
Hah.
Talk to me, would you
'Cos your indifference is killing me
Monday, April 11, 2005
Oh dear oh dear I think I've been pissing too many people off during this period.. of time. Heh. Sorry. =/
Anyway today was utterly pointless, both during class and during training. Hope I can get some pitching done with Reggie tomorrow during PE! Game's on Wednesday, my ankle's a bit injured but it'll heal. *glares at Joyce* Hahaha jk. =D
Anyway took a bus back with Lionel and passed Mel's letter to Sean. Hee.
Now I'm here, deciding on whether to ice my ankle or heat it up. I know nuts about this sorta stuff! Let's just hope it won't turn big and lumpy tomorrow! Haha. (:
Saturday, April 09, 2005
I'm so sorry. Thank you, all of you. You guys are so sweet. Really.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
I'm in some comp lab having Bioorg with Grace next to me singing odd songs. *snort*
SAVE ME.
SHe has gone.. crazy slim and tan and flat-chested...
just like me. snortsnort.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Still deciding if Nick should try and join IP or not. Would I really want him to go through what we all are going through? I hate lying, really, I do.
Today was a crummy day. Not comfortable at all. Lazed around because I was relatively immobile. =/
I don't think I'll change my template for a while. Bear with it, everybody. (:
Fed up again. Not so much with me anymore.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Yay, new template. *snort*
And YES I'm fully aware that it's hard to read. =D
School's getting boring, and so is my blog. Went out with Grace and Wanda after school. Whoopie. First signs of having a life are showing!
Things I want/need right now:
- A big tub of Rocky Road icecream
- A big jacket to keep me warm while I eat
- Decent emails to read
- A roaring fireplace
- A nice balcony with a well-kept flowerbed like in Uncle Mike's house
- Uncle Mike
- A hammock to lie in
- Somebody who's good at conversations, because I'm dying to have one now
- A great big hug to keep me warm all night
It's times like these when I know you'd love to be here to grant me all this.
(:
Sunday, April 03, 2005
My goodness, I think my life's gone boring. Or at least my blog has. I'm very tempted to stop blogging 'til something interesting happens. But til then,
Tags:
Wilbert: Aw man. Anyway pitching rocks now. And that's all that matters. =)
Jim: Hee, thanks for the luck! Maybe I can channel it to the VJ match in 2 weeks! Oh and thanks for the uh compliment. I'd much rather look like a teacher than an air stewardess! (stupid weepin!) =D
Grace: heh, I'm NOT a mugger. Period. *snorts* Anyway yes I don't think I've ever heard you say "I miss you" except when I went to the Maldives! How truly touching. =D AND I love that song now. It's so freaking sad! Hahaha.
Wanda: Shee Gua Zhi! =D
Furrr: Tian ah! We should EXTERMINATE all these people from our CCAs! Hahaha.
Weiling: (As much as I hate quoting SX,) that is like a weijun! Hahaha. Anyway how coincidental, I've been thinking of going on hiatus!
Mel: Hee! Oh dear, how can so many people.. feel this way? Oh well, just gotta wait til after nationals! =D
Zhutou: Oh dear. I thought there was only zhujiao and zhu pi gu, why's there a zhutou?! hahaha.
jiahui: Oh dear.. why not?!? I don't think I'm uh physically capable of doing tramp anyway. Haha.
tim: EXCUSE ME!! I'm fully capable of doing weights ok! Hmff!
Will start thinking of a new design for a template. Hee!
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Training was.. good. Considering I didn't have to pitch. =D Played a game against the guys. POK DID NOT GET ME OUT! Only very dirty from my half-hearted attempt to "slide". Haha.
Went to NY gym with Gerard after training for a bit to see if I was mentally prepared for tramp. Well, no. Haha.
Met the rest of the softballers at Prince after we were done. Saw Peixi Meixian Cenjun at Coro too.
Got back, did some work (how on EARTH can I be deemed a mugger if I barely mug and do my work?), did weights, and threw bread into the pond downstairs. My goodness, my life's filled with so much random stuff! Ah well, going for a nice walk downstairs later. After my ass stops hurting from the slide. *glares* =)
Friday, April 01, 2005
Oh whoopie, April Fools Day. Nothing spectacular happened, except for the marvellous stunt Grace and Adrianni pulled off. Too bad that damned cleaner took it all off.
Hung around at Grace's after school to go for the dance party. I love Grace, she can play the guitar like nobody's business. AND she can memorise all the notes from all the books. haha.
Found out that just about all the IP2s backed out of the dance party. Nonetheless I went for it, and it wasn't spectacular. It was OK I guess. Ah well.
Dead tired now. Have a lot of work to start on. Which I don't feel like starting on. Sighh.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Softball prize presentation, today. If I were to have read the original "script", I would've thrown up and quit. But I didn't, kept it all inside. Nobody likes a party pooper. Sounded awful fake. Maybe that's what I am. *shrugs*
Training just gets more and more detestable. But I love training because I get to see the people who hate being oppressed, just like me. I just can't stand for people who command respect. Yawen rocks. =)
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Hurrrr. So much for a decent softball match! It got rained on and postponed. =/ But thank you Pok for chocs, Gongjiao for chocs and the note, Vicky, Wanda and all you other sweeties who helped me destress a bit. (:
RJC is freaking beautiful. Saw so many people there!
But 'til Nationals are completely over, I couldn't hate you any more than I truly do. I've even given up fronting. You've done so much to me that I can't exactly hide it. You've been so blatant about everything which gets me so pissed off. I hate you for treating me as if I'm not part of the team. You, of all people. I'm always that close to screaming "Bitch" at you, it takes a lot of tolerance to keep it in. Everybody thinks I have reason enough to quit because of what you've done to me. But I won't quit over a bitch like you. You're not worth my time.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Play it your way, I'm only the victim in your game.
.....
I'd scratch your face out for what you've said. Bitch.
Gym is good. (: Went back to visit 'em after going to town with Wanda and Grace. Saw my darling Xiehuan. Went to KAP after that with her. Cherry lollipops are good. (:
I'm the one who got myself into all this
I miss gym. (:
So much for helping people
RJ match tomorrow! Freak. My tyco-ness is all gone. Completely. I was so lucky during the NTU that now I suck. :( This sucks. Heh.
Not sure what I did wrong though
Oh dear, it's a very good thing that there are 2 other pitchers to help each other out!
It just hurts to see you like this
Rather annoyed by some stuff but nevermind; Gym takes your mind off everything.
And there's nothing you'll let me do about it
Oh dear. RJ match RJ match RJ match. Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow. Oh dear. Am I really that ready? I haven't even psyched/calmed down yet. Oh dear. Haven't thought about the game at all. I haven't gotten the guts to face the reality that tomorrow's game decides if we can win 3rd or not. Scary thought.
:(
Sunday, March 27, 2005
I find myself more antisocial. And I don't mind it anymore.
Sometimes I just trust to much and end up getting hurt.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
I've officially gotten back my love for pitching. God I'm so freaking schizo. Anyway thank you to all you dearies who've been cheering me up. (:
Played our friendly today against NTU. It was.. inspiring, really. Me and Faz were pitching this time, because coach figured we didn't have enough experience. Duh. (: Anyway pitched for the first 2 innings and it was GREAT. Well not particularly perfect, but I only let 3 runs in. No walks! Perfect, to me. We won in the end, which was a real psychological booster for the entire team. For me at least, since I wasn't there to witness/be part of the spectacle of us getting 3rd in SRC.
Hah, funny thing was that when we played NTU last year (with me barely a pitcher) we lost by the biggest margin possible. Look at us now. =) Hah, an even funnier thing was that everybody thought my pitching got significantly better, and they associated it to my Maldives trip. *snorts* =D
I'm just in a rather ecstatic mood now, but we have to remember to not get complacent. Complacency is killer! Hah. Need to train extra hard on monday. And need to regain mental stability. Tong looked.. amazed (to say the least) by my pitching. Hah.
Gosh, hope this lucky streak lasts throughout Nationals!
Friday, March 25, 2005
I went back to gym that day to soak up the atmosphere. It felt good.
I miss the serious atmosphere in gym, because we had a goal. The goal to win. si zhu guan jun. We were always that close to it. But it didn't matter there were always other external factors preventing us from winning what was ours. I miss going out to lunch with the entire team to coro where we'd park ourselves in between Cosy Corner and that Bubble Tea shop, where we'd just talk endlessly. What we were during and after trainings were completely different, because we were always so serious and focused during trainings. But whenever it was, we were always one close-knit team. We had no cliques, no politics.
I miss putting on our tacky bright red leotard because it was so comfy, and it made all of us look outrageous. Completely cheena, everybody thought. But it was good to stick out, especially if we were good at gym. I miss going to Bishan at 6am to get my hair tied and gelled by at least 3 girls. I miss giving little pep talks to my team before starting each apparatus. I miss beam itself! I used to love competition time, because we all knew we were prepared. We had to slog in gym many times a week, put up with everything as one huge united team. And we'd be so close to each other, it was such a homely feeling. We'd just sit around and talk rubbish in corners of Bishan in our bright red leotards to calm our nerves. And we'd watch all the other teams compete, and in our minds we'd think "Hey, we're better than them!" And when it's our turn to compete, we'd look so calm and collected. I loved how my handstand was perfect, and how i stuck all my landings. It was so beautiful, because we all knew we worked so hard for it, and it was lovely how it all paid off. Honestly, we didn't mind coming in 2nd by 0.2, because gym is all about being biased. And we'd just sit around crying because it was all over. It was all over, everything was through. We had competed and won, because we were able to withstand everything.
And now. Softball. Nobody's serious during trainings. I hardly feel a part of the team. I don't have half my equipment; we don't even have a jersey to feel proud of! I still have my Sec 1 number tag from gym, my softball jersey's tossed somewhere in a corner of my closet. I don't have a pair of cleats because they got stolen, along with my 100 strikes ball. Team morale's supposed to be high because we got 3rd for SRC, and that's about all. I feel so detached from the team because I refuse to smile in softball anymore, because there isn't anything to smile about anymore.
Things used to be so simple.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
My goodness, I haven't hit the books in ages! Should start soon, it's accumulating and it's scary!
Anyway training today was a disaster. Honestly. I'm starting to doubt my existence in softball. I'm very very annoyed at how people enjoy intimidating me and lashing out mindless threats regarding me and pitching, and when they need me, they just treat it as if it never happened. Bollocks. And I'm also ticked at how there's barely anybody at training these days (I will not list names). And how everything's uncertain. And how political softball has become, because softball isn't just about having a good time anymore. And that everybody just ignores my existence. Oh and of course who can forget the endless line of fuckers there are in the team. Somehow I just can't seem to shut all of them out. They're.. overwhelming. Nauseating, almost.
AND best of all, how I'm scaring myself. Shitless. I am so terrified of playing. Our first game is against RJ and though we beat them during SRC, it's me who will have a shot at pitching for the first time this year. And everybody will just expect me to be of equal standing as Joyce. And if we ever lose, I'd feel eternal guilt, honestly.
The thought of just quitting to show my extreme displeasure with the team and sport in general crossed my mind several several times. In fact, I have it all figured out. I'm just waiting for the spark that will eventually trigger my quitting of the team. I know I will regret it the way I regret quitting gym. Which is why I've tried my darn hardest to keep myself perfectly sane. Plus, that would be a very cowardly thing to do.
So whichever decision I choose, to play or not to play, I will be suffering from a lot of guilt. Either guilt from pitching badly and creating the downfall of the team, or guilt from running away.
Whatever it is, thank you so so much, Pok. You really are such a sweet guy. =)
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Grace is so good at lying. *snorts*
And yes wanda, these are the stars I was drawing during lessons. I think I'll draw another one tomorrow. *snorts*
Ridiculous. Tomorrow's training will have no J2s at all and no J1s til 5. So I'll have an hour of GIRL-LESS training (excluding myself). Ridiculous.
This is getting more and more screwed up. And I'm getting more and more unstable. And I don't care.
I tried to say I love you, but the words your ego got in the way.
I can't believe how desperate some people are... Liyan came up to me this morning and totally begged me to blog for her... like whatever. She said that people love reading my writing so much, and she needed to generate more publicity for her stupid dead dull blog, soooo she very abashedly came up to me and said, "Um Grace? ... ... Could you... could you do me a favour..? I'm... quite... unpopular... and... I want people to... to.. to read my blog!! Will you please... um... hehe please... BLOG FOR ME!!!"
Being the good-hearted charitable wisened lady that I am, I consented, and henceforth I pronounce my commencement on this blog!!! *FANFARE*
Anyway hehe we are in Bytz right now playing games that involve stacking pigs and milking cows woohoo it's so damn fun and I beat Liyan at all the games hahahahaha :D Goodbye.
Monday, March 21, 2005
First day of Term 2 school.
Started it off by going to school late because my alarm clock didn't ring (it was in Maldives time, go figure)
Slept through most of the lessons, and I have a feeling I will be doing so for the rest of the year. =/
WORE MY SPECS. =D
Did absolutely nothing while waiting for training. Oh, played Twister with Stef and Samuya. Hahaha. Nina sucks for making me put my head next to Samuya's ass. =D
(As expected,) Training started off bad. Well it was my first training in ages. I think I'm overly sensitive. But, as always, there's always Joyce and Yawen and Pok (and a part of Reggie) to always make things better. =)
JOYCE! YAWEN! ADD ME ONLINE AT SPONGEBOBLIYANPANTS@HOTMAIL.COM !!!
Sunday, March 20, 2005
DONE!!! I am amazing. :D
HERE ARE ALL 300+ PICS!!
I'M BACK!
Pity it was only 10 days!! =( But it was SO SO SO fun. I can't even explain how fun it was. *rubs it in* haha. BUT I took about a million pictures for your viewing pleasure, and it pretty much describes my stay there. I will, however, come up with a list of conclusions I have drawn from the Maldives trip:
1) Mr Sim is the biggest gossiper in the world. Seriously. =D
2) ECP looks like a dumping ground next to Kudafari.
3) Kudafari kids are the cutest kids in the world.
4) ALUMNI ROCKS. =D
5) It is easier to get high on bridge than you think. =D
Hahaha. Uploading the pics now. I'm am so bloody hardworking I tell you. =D
Thursday, March 10, 2005
I miss my old table. =(
Anyway Maldives here I come! =D
Will be gone from the 10th to 20th. This is going to be so fun. I know it. =D
And YES grace darling I WILL MISS YOU TOO. =D
Will leave my awkward reflections out of the trip, as much as possible.
I'LL MISS ALL OF YOU!
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
sigh.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Totally beat. Won't give a particularly in-depth description of my day because it wasn't all that. Haha.
Oh, both Maths test papers were given back. I failed.. both. 14/30 for both!! Does that tick you off or what? The worst part is me, being the person who NEEDS to pass DESPERATELY, I went around asking just about everybody to scan through my papers for one extra mark! Worst bit is I won't be here when they go through the test papers! Freak. =( I'm so #$&@#$&@@&^*^ annoyed. (Symbols are so much more descriptive than actual words, aren't they? Haha)
Bought cheapskate ugly $8 pants that could reach my knee with Weiling then went for the Maldives "meeting" at about 4.30. Ridiculous. Won't say much about it because a positive attitude is everything. I'm not paying $400 to go to a beautiful island with beautiful people to be grumpy. =D
Taught the mass dance (again) with Keefe Dot and Michael. Was so fun! It's like the post-orientation sessions. =D Brought back such good memories. =)
WANDA LEE YANG ZHEN!! YOU HAVE JINXED ME!! I hate you. Now I can't enjoy the Maldives in.. peace. =D
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo =D
Hello. It's been almost 2 years now. I miss you so so much. I feel sad whenever I think about you, but I've been told that I shouldn't be. People feel assured when they see you as 'gone to someplace better', and when they see it in a spiritual light. I don't know, should I feel at ease too? I can't, because I miss you so much. They say you were needed someplace else for something bigger. I don't believe it, because nothing could possibly be more important that staying here with us. Because we all love you. And you love all of us. I hate cancer for separating you from all of us. I hate how life has been so unfair to you, because you're a great man and you deserve to be around to see us grow up. Though it's horrible that I'm doing so poorly both academically and socially.
I miss you, more than you can ever imagine.
Monday, March 07, 2005
Don't feel like blogging much tonight, but I will only do so because JOYCE likes my writing. Haha, don't you feel honoured. =D
Uhh, just lost my train of thoughts. Oh well. *shrugs*
When am I going back for gym training? I feel so guilty, because I've gotten so fat [strictly in terms of gym!] Baldy will laugh. =(
Joyce made me realize that I'm very much schizo. Hmm. Food for thought for me. And my other half. xD
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Today was such a lovely day. Tried to go down to swim (which I haven't done in ages) but it started raining. So I went by the pond and just sat around.
There's no greater feeling than sitting with your chin on your knees staring at turtles and fish. =) Then it started raining even more heavily but somehow I was too engrossed with watching each raindrop fall onto the surface of the pond and letting the ripples spread across the surface. I just sat there.. thinking. Ponds are such lovely places for thinking. Sat there for goodnessknowshowlong then sat up and realized that I was drenched.
Walked around and sat around some more since I was already drenched. It's such a pretty place for reflecting. Sometimes I go downstairs when I'm stressed or when it's really late at night and I'm too lazy to make myself a drink. It's just a pretty place. And pretty places make me happy, always. =)
Saturday, March 05, 2005
I HAVE UNINTENTIONAL STRAIGHT HAIR! And I'm very much amused by it. =D
Went for the Maldives thing at 10am today. Did so much cutting and wrapping and packing! It was so fun, I tell you. =) Anyway went to Far East with Weiling and Wanda to get our hair cut. Got my hair cut and a free wash/dry. And she dried it and straighte-ish-ed it! Haha. So now it's straight and I don't dare move because it might curl back. Haha.
Ah well. I feel like.. I'm stupid again. I can't remember anything I've been mugging for the past week or two.
I've gone much more serious. I don't like joking around as much. I don't like being loud. I don't like being..myself.
Friday, March 04, 2005
Yay it's finally over. All the last-minute cramming, it's all over. Can't say I feel a sense of satisfaction as such, because I don't. I think I did terrible. Ah well, there's always Maldives to take my mind off it. =)
My bro got 4As, a merit and a distinction for his S papers. Yay. =)
I feel more distant from you. It's sad because I thought we established a mutual trust in each other. Guess I always give too much, and I expect too much in return.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Shoot. I'm so distracted from studies. To think last week I was super on about mugging, so by now it's completely died down and I feel like dying along with it. Or rotting. Or rotting while dead. Hmm. Why is it everybody's afraid of death?
Today.. was not a good day. I don't exactly want to tell everybody how I think I did because when the results come out, you'd be hearing the same news about me failing. So.
Stayed back with Weiling and Stef (not to mention a big bunch of guys who tagged along with reggie) to study IS2102 and IS2103. Boys are.. walking oxymorons. Haha. And YES that's just me stereo-typing them. Heh.
Off to try to study. Must stay focused. Ooh, bubbles!
=D
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Oh dear. 3 tests today. Conclusion: Not Good. Enough said. I don't know, I just hate accepting fate. Considering I had my chance to try to NOT fail. Oh well.
Stayed back for Physics extra lessons. By the way I still don't understand. Anything. Good luck to me.
I'll be missing some of the Maldives thing on Saturday because I'll be at a friendly against NY. Shit.
I want to... tie-dye my shirt. Must.. resist. Study.. first. =( Tie-dye.. later. =( AND i want to get my specs. But I've been putting it off for ages. =(
Tags:
gerard-andrew: well you're a BETTER tramper than me. Actually it isn't very hard to be that. Heh. MUST TRAIN.. FOR THE SAKE OF GYM! hahaha. =) Eh, do you REALLY want an answer to that? JOKING. =D
di.: hahahaha. let's get rid of chem! We'll burn down all the chem labs or sth. =D
~grace: Hmmm can you imagine *coughs* in the middle? hahaha. Anyway the entire IP has to be screwed up if we got high for the quiz. Haha.
tim: Why you complaining for? you went to Maldives last year! Not fair to you too. =D
j: Haha, I'm a very tempermental girl, joyce. =D Nonsense, you better stay in nj!!
cat: YAO BU DE!! tsk tsk tsk. =D
bl: ... My my, that sounds awfully familiar. Hah.
Talking to Uncle Mike made me realize how much I miss seeing an endless line of 'xoxoxoxoxxo's at the end of every letter or card. Does anybody even know what they mean? =/
xoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxox
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Went to school to mug. It's scary to see how serious I03 is when it comes to studies now. I don't think I've ever seen any of us working this hard before. Is it because we don't want to be the class with the lowest grades? I hope we're not doing it just to prove teachers wrong.
I'm that much closer to the edge
Realized how dead I am when it comes to my studies. But I love Franc for explaining physics over the phone, and my brother for taking time off his NS days to teach me chem, and my mom for preventing me from breaking down.
It just sucks to let them down.
Went home and started doing Trig. Haven't stopped til now, except to teach my lil' bro Math, and to eat, and to tell my mom how screwed I am for all the Maldives-Softball issues. Moms really are great.
The only reason as to why I haven't broken down yet is because crying is a waste of time well spent on mugging.
Everybody just stay..alive. We can pull through this. It's sad because I know some people really are smart, they just get distracted. Here's to the truly smart people. =)
Sorry to everybody whose time I've wasted because I'm still going to fail anyway. Sorry for letting you guys down.
[edit]Oh by the way I HATE comparing answers after a test. Just warning everybody in case I explode tmr or sth.[/edit]
Monday, February 28, 2005
Went to school to consult Miss Ong with Wanda. Gave up and hung out in the canteen, waiting for Grace. TOOK A CAB to KAP to study, but it was so noisy. Ended up calling SX over. Wrote a.. poem. =D
Got home and realized that my mom bought me a MP3 player! My gosh, I love my mom. <3 I wish she could see that she doesn't need money to show me she loves me. =/
Shit. There's a friendly against NYGH this saturday which I cannot miss. And there's also pre-Maldives work to do which I also cannot miss. Shit. Gonna retire from I/C if I can since I've proved myself too busy with softball.
Shit.
Back to mugging.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Liyan came on specially to say ELECTRO-CHEM
SUCKS
I hate it I hate it. I've been studying it for at least 5 hours in total and I still don't know what
Zn --> Zn2+ + 2e- is. Shit I'm so dead.
=(
btw is this cute or wooot? (:
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Missed the Buona Vista meeting for Maldives for training. =/
Miss Ling is the 2nd most understanding woman I know, after my mother. Haha. Now she's what a true CCA teacher-in-charge should be like. She doesn't mind me going to the Maldives, and the only thing she's worried about is that I won't be able to cope with my studies. Then she proceeded to scold me Pok Reggie and Clemence for failing our Trigo quizzes. And scolded me for running like a gu niang/girl. Hahaha.
Anyway the more I think about it, the more I think I should be training for tramp. Honestly. The Dictator has been driving me crazy. 1. You're not as good as you think, so when you have to teach something you suck at, ask for other people's help instead of teaching it wrongly and getting embarrassed. 2. Don't discriminate against IP students. We've proven that we're better at softball than some of the other JC students. And don't change your tone when you're with us just because you think being younger means being dumber. You're not that big.
Roar. I'm tired. Wendy's so cute, though. =)
It's killing me. And taking control.
Tags:
xiehuan: heh i'm going from the 10th to 20th and i'm getting in deep shit for it. =D LET'S GO BACK AND TRAIN!! But I need to get into gym-shape before I completely embarrass myself again. =D
grace: MINE'S BIG. Heh. Sorry, was my typical mood swing. Or my alter ego. Or.. whatever. hahahahahaha.
pok: told you i'm schizo. =D anyway don't worry you can leave the bullying to uh somebody else. i'm too ladylike. haha =)
FAKE liyan: who the crap's been posing as me? ... haha
jiahui: i miss gym. =( and wang. .. ok maybe not as much as i miss gym. =)
gerard-andrew: heh, easy for you to say. you're already a good tramper. =(
tim: hahaha. right. YOU CHEER UP too. =)
elliot: uh. hi.
steffi: heh, oh well. it ain't our fault that we have to break these promises now is it. =D
rach: ok i will dear. I MISS YOU. i hate that you're mugging and you're in 02. =( hahaha. oh well, let's reveal the mugger in all of us! hahaha. =/
ling: heh, i've sacrificed many many things for maldives already. and it's all worth it. =D it's gonna be so so fun. =D
Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Turning through sick lullaby
Joking on your alibi
But it's the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
I'm Mr. Brightside.
- The Killers [Mr. Brightside]
Friday, February 25, 2005
I hate crying in school. If there's one thing I hate about it, it's having many people at a loss as to what to do with a teary-eyed girl.
save it and keep it in 'til no one's watching
I think I'm a lot less strong as I used to be, which is never a good thing. What happens when the girl with all the answers has some questions of her own?
I'm getting a zero for my physics assignment because I stayed up til midnight doing it and forgot to bring it today. And I already failed my first assignment. And I will fail the upcoming physics test, along with all the other sciences and maths. Honestly. I am so screwed. And I've gotten so indifferent that I'm scaring myself. Fuck.
And I hate it when people say that to assure people when they're actually going to do really well. Deception is the worst form of lies.
That explains why I was so depressed during the later part of school. Urgh. That amongst other reasons. ...
Went to Clementi with Wanda SX and Wenshu. Looked at some really nice specs ($208 in total) Thinking about telling my mom they cost $40 so I can pay the balance.
Sorry for this horrible post. It sounds like a Typical Adolescent Rant. So... Simple Plan. Urgh. I hate being depressed over stupid stuff. Because this is supposed to be nothing as opposed to what I've been going through previously. This is nothing. Studying is nothing. This is trivial. Studying will be easy. Grades don't matter.
Isn't it odd, how I started out with Studying as my life, then Softball, then Love. Now?
nothing.
It's just too heavy for superman to lift
Thursday, February 24, 2005
she's an angel for sure but that remains to be seen
The usual. Boring lessons. Trigo quiz sucked. He came in and told us we had 5 minutes to memorise all the formulas. Ridiculous. So I obviously couldn't do a single question because some people wouldn't let me cheat. your honour is your life, huh. Haha.
Felt kinda shitty after school so I stayed back and did Homework. I amaze myself. Then I did something I never did, in my entire life. Not even in gym. =/ Sorry Pok =(
Hung around the class with Tin Weiling Tim Cil Nigel Scott Russell Woonjeck and a few more people who came in and out. Finished half the physics assignment.
Saw Joe at the bus stop and let out some of my steam. Left my file at school. =(
It's gonna hurt for a while, but it would anyway
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
I'm always everybody's best friend when they need me.
Training just sucks now. It's sucks that everything you've contributed to the team is cancelled off because you wanna go for a trip to the Maldives. Whatever it is, I. Don't. Care. Anymore.
And, sucking up is stupid. But if there's anything worse than that, it's knocking people down in front of The Ones To Impress to make yourself look bigger. It isn't obvious that I've been doing all the work when they're not around. Yet you're always around the scene to look like I've been slacking.
I've been trying, I really have. But I'm just tired of redeeming myself for the sake of being recognised, while you can just barge in and act all high and mighty and claim all the credit.
And nothing you've been doing has been particularly helpful in keeping me on the team. In fact I'm more and more fed up with you.
Maybe Gerard was right. 4+ months should be enough to get back in shape.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Sometimes my limbic brain makes me do things that even my cortex can't control
I love watching documentaries. =)
I've been wasting my life away. =/
Anyway, told Tong about the my going to the Maldives. Didn't look too pleased. Re-enforced the fact that I won't be able to play during nationals because I wouldn't have enough experience. So I supposed being the sole pitcher with 3 weeks experience was experience enough last year, huh.
Went to Far East for 1/2 priced waffles after school with Stef Grace and Weiling. Bought a cow bag. =D It's a happy cow. With... yea. =D
Oh and by the way, it's not funny anymore.
The Killers - Under the Gun
She's got her halo and wings
Hidden under his eyes
But she's an angel for sure
She just can't stop telling lies
But it's too late for his love
Already caught in a trap
His angel's kiss was a joke
And she is not coming back
Because heaven sends and heaven takes
Crashing cars in his brain
Keep him tied up to a dream
And only she can set him free
And then he says to me
Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now
Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now
Yeah she's got a criminal mind
He's got a reason to pray
His life is under the gun
He's got to hold every day
Now he just wants to wake up
Yeah, just to prove it's a dream
Cause she's an angel for sure
But that remains to be seen
Because heaven sends and heaven takes
Crashing cars in his brain
Keep him tied up to a dream
And only she can set him free
And then he says to me
Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now
Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now
Stupid on the streets of London
James Dean in the rain
Without her it's not the same
The same, the same, but it's alright
Because heaven sends and heaven takes
Crashing cars in his brain
Keep him tied up to a dream
And only she can set him free
And then he says to me
Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now
Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now
Again and again
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Training was... odd. And bad.
Told Coach I was going to Maldives. His indifference scared me, but I guess I've learnt to get used to it. He said "If you can't play during SRC, you can't play during nationals."
What scares me more is I've grown indifferent myself. I'm less afraid of saying "Fine, I don't want to play. Everybody's so reliant on Joyce that I could just leave and nobody would give a shit." I'm less afraid of re-joining gym, though I've gone rusty. I'm less afraid of speaking my mind, because I don't care anymore. I'm not afraid of anything in softball, because I hate getting involved with all the politics.
All I know is I'll be in Maldives, sending my warmest regards over to NJ softball while they play. If I don't get to play during Nationals, I'll start training
for gym.
Friday, February 18, 2005
Yay, pics are up! Hee.
Labrador park sucked. But it was amusing enough with dot, jeremy, scott and nigel. =D Dinner with Stef Grace Weiling and SX was funny. Almost ended up squeezing everybody into Wanda's car. =D
Aku has a new name. Hahahahaha. I hate fridays. They're horribly draggy.
Oh, and did I mention, i'm going to maldives! Haven't told tong or miss ling yet haven't told tong or miss ling yet. Shit. =/
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
I had horrible hunger pains today. Which is pretty cool, because I've been on this diet (the other definition of diet, the one that doesn't involve shedding pounds) for about a year and I haven't had hunger pains for about 2 months. So uh, that's good, I guess. Haha.
Lessons have gotten draggy and extra boring these days. Training hasn't exactly made it any better, though I don't exactly mind it anymore. My arm started aching like crazy from pitching. Must've been from "training" at gym yesterday. I still miss gym, but if I were to join it again, I better start getting back in shape. I miss gym so so much. =(
I wanted to say something, but now I can't exactly remember what. Hmm. Whatever it is, I just finished my IH ppt! Hooray for me. Liyan rocks. =)
Oh yea, one more thing: are flowers still beautiful without their petals?
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
I love gym. =) Though I suck at it now because I haven't trained for over a year, I still love it. Btw I deleted the horrendous videos of my "houkong" and my "jianzihoukong" because it's too embarrassing, Xiehuan. =D
~~~~~
I have a lot to say, and I don't quite know how to begin. Note that I have no intention on being sad or whatever, I'm just being, realistic and practical.
Flowers are such sad things.
It isn't fair how they're treated different just because they're of different colour from the leaves. Why do any-colour-but-green things make them special? I never supported flower-giving, because the poor flower just wants to live. But millions of people snip their little stems off and give them to people they like, so they can bring the already-lifeless flowers home to, what, revive them? They usually just end up slowly withering away. I hate slow deaths. It's the worst thing that anybody can ever get. Poor flowers. =( But I swear I love everybody who gave me flowers, because it's still a sweet gesture. And I love everybody who gave me stuff. And I love everybody who messaged or said that they loved me, because I love them too. =)
~~
Had a dream about you, which was weird because I haven't thought of you for a good long time. I love not thinking about you. But I dreamt that we resolved everything, and I mean everything. You told me the awful truth, but it didn't seem that awful anymore. I love the truth, because at least I know it's the truth and not some half-hearted attempt to cover up something that isn't important. I almost cried when I woke up, because I hated knowing that it didn't really happen. But I'm not going to say anything drastic, in case I blow my chances of ever becoming friends with you again.
~~
Friendship is so fragile, isn't it. So delicate yet fragile, just like flowers. I think it's stupid how friendships end because somebody says something frank to the other, because the beauty of friendship is to be able to tell your friends the truth about everything, and for her to not be pissed.
Poor flowers.
Monday, February 14, 2005
I'm usually not a big fan of All Things Commercial, like Christmas or CNY or Valentine's for that matter. After all, it's just another day where people pay ridiculous amounts of money on flowers and chocolates that would die and be digested, respectively. And besides, why do people need one special day to show their love for everybody? Why not do it, everyday? Yea I was feeling really crappy in the morning, considering I came late. And nobody ponned assembly with me. And my eyebags were puffy and horrendously dark because I only slept at about 3am, and my *free* mascara (refer to previous blog entry :D) was running. But today was a great day.
So thank you thank you to xiehuan, dria, stef, rach, cath, andre, feifan, eesha, elaine, maeyue, maye, cat, charmaine, yawen, joyce, and pok/softball guys for the various gifts.
Oh yes and of course to joe, pok, grace and joanne for the sms-es.
And HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to everybody else who felt the love on this generally special day.
OH YES and how on earth could I have forgotten about my.. SECRET ADMIRER!!! Hahahahahaha.
I love you all. =)
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Going out with Xiehuan rocks. =)
I love youu!
=)
Ok I'm apparently not in a blogging mood. Hahaha. But we did so much crap today, it was hilarious! AND for your information, my eyelashes still feel really long. =D
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Went out with Weiling and SX to Clementi to do the physics assignment. I'm really relieved to have finished it. =)
Met Grace at Far East. Went mega-shopping. My legs hurt. Sorry SX! Bought a nice pineapple-T from OP at $19.90. Not bad, I guess. Heh.
And by the way I downloaded Fight Club again because it's such a great movie, and I never caught the ending because pirated VCDs never turn out the way they're supposed to. =) You get what you pay for, huh. Fight Club rocks, really. =).
"Lost in oblivion, dark, silent and complete, I found freedom. Losing all hope is freedom" - Fight Club
By the way, I'm not going to apologize because it would be said perfunctorily, and I know you'd hate that. But for the record, I don't give a shit about you.
Friday, February 11, 2005
Today was completely.. pointless. Lessons were stupid. Period. All I remember is finding perverted words in Jeremy's crossword-thing, playing bingo with Charmaine Weijun Grace Dria and Wanda during GS lecture, and attempting to skip Math with Grace but BYTZ was closed. Oh and during the lesson I got a valentine's day letter. -__-" Haha.
Bumming around after school was.. stupid. Haha. All I remember was something regarding bidding for bridge at the canteen. Hahahaha. Went up to class to play ah-soh daidee with Coco Feifan Nina Dria Grace Angie and Dot.
Went home (...) first then went for dental at Dr Tay's. Cost me $260 #*%#()@*#(&$@)*!
Still haven't gotten my specs because Optic Point was closed #&$*#(&(*@#^@(!%#@&(!@!
Is there training tomorrow? I'm so screwed, because I can't message anymore because i've exceeded my SMS limit. It sucks to not be able to communicate.
LET'S WATCH KILL BILL 2 ON VALENTINE'S DAY!!
Thursday, February 10, 2005
I've been thinking about it and I've realized how much I miss gym, which has made me consider re-joining gym again. When I first told my mom, she thought I was joining to run away from softball. (She didn't know I was crazy enough to consider joining both) I don't know, gym is so.. carefree. It'd be such a beautiful reunion, even though most of the gymmers have left. Softball's gotten so political that I can't be bothered anymore. I can't look most of the softballers in the eye anymore.
I miss all the grace and poise, and more importantly, I miss all the harsh trainings, the crazy PTs, the crying, the gossiping about coaches because he's balding and Permanently Pissed. You can't get any of this in softball, somehow. There's no pain in softball. There hasn't been a day of softball where I'm as tired as I would be in gym. I miss the feeling where nobody knows how hard we train, because they have the concept of gym being 'girls running around on the mat'. Because gym is Tough, and is for Tough People. Nobody can imagine how hard gymmers have to train to flip and tumble WHILE dancing around. "If gym were any easier, it would be called football."
I miss the gymmers. The people who didn't care who was captain or anything else because we loved each other. We were great friends, all of us. Sure we had bitch sessions about each other, but yet we were still united. We still are.
I miss the beautiful orange leotard I bought for cheap, and I only bought it because everybody else bought blue. It's a beautiful leotard. And I love the glittery blue leotard Xiehuan bought for me. The glitter's gone but it's still so beautiful.
I miss xiehuan. I miss all the crap we used to spew because we were bored. I remember the crazy blogs we had. I remember the larger-than-life spongebob, and going for the bikini bottom bananza, and the sleepovers, and sneaking into the gym, and baking brownies and EVERYTHING we did because it was just so hilaroius. And talking to her just now was so beautiful. Because we both couldn't care less about our future, we just wanted our Silly Childhood Memories to be re-lived.
I miss gym. It just brings something that nothing else can bring. Gym is Beautiful. Tough, yet so beautiful.
I love gym. =)
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Yarrr, this CNY sucks.
Spent most of last night with my family, like just about every other family in Singapore.
There wasn't much to talk about so I ended up playing bridge and daidee with Max, Nicky and Aunty Peggy (??) Hahaha. Adults aren't very fun to converse with, especially when they drink less than us kids and still get drunk and start knocking over wine bottles and spilling it all over cakes. 3 times. Half the time I was drinking Ryan's bacardi-coke and sipping gin tonic and white wine and vodka tonic and goodness knows what else from random people. hmm.
CNY is pointless. It's the period of time whereby everybody thinks you have a lot of money beause you have rich families and you're thick-skinned enough to go to rich friends for money. But it's N.A for me. Completely not applicable.
Sorry I'm being the party pooper that I am.
How is it that so many people refer to the New Year as The new year? I don't know, doens't anybody follow the 'normal' calendar? It's sort of amusing to see how people change their point of views to suit the occasion. I guess I never was that type.
Oh and by the way, please don't SMS me until the 15th. I'm going to exceed my SMS limit and it won't be a pretty sight. So.. don't expect me to reply. It sucks to not be able to use my phone. =(
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
I finished my essay.
Yawen will be happy. =D
Ok I think I snapped last night, which explains how I was able to piss off just about every guy I know. But don't imply that I didn't mean it because I meant just about every word I said, it's just a matter of whether I should have said it in the first place. Yea, so I'm outspoken. No shit. I just like speaking my mind, especially if I'm in the right.
And by the way, thanks Pok. =)
Going to write my draft on how to improve the softball team. If they don't intend on listening to me, I'll write in.
Flaming Lips - Waitin' For A Superman
Asked you a question
I didn't need you to reply
Is it gettin' heavy?
But they'll realize
Is it gettin' heavy?
Well I thought it was already as heavy
As can be
Is it overwhelming
To use a crane to crush a fly?
It's a good time for Superman
To lift the sun into the sky
'Cause it's gettin' heavy
Well I thought it was already as heavy
As can be
Tell everybody
Waitin' for Superman
That they should try to hold on
Best they can
He hasn't dropped them
Forgot them
Or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift
Is it gettin' heavy?
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be.
Tell everybody
Waitin' for Superman
That they should try to hold on
Best they can
He hasn't dropped them
Forgot them
Or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift
Monday, February 07, 2005
Happy Birthday Gege =)
Crummy day, today was.
But just so you know, I start off every day happy.
Firstly, we got "scolded" by laoshi. And I've never seen her this pissed off before (in NJ, at least) And I guess I felt really guilty (for what I don't know). I guess I was guilty on behalf of the class or something. After all, we are pretty darn rowdy and what-not during lessons and everything. It wasn't as if she made-up everything. It was true, and it was obvious.
Yet the weirdest part was how after the entire talk, the guys were still in the mood to continue with their pranks and whatever to keep themselves entertained for the rest of the day. I don't know, for a moment I really thought what laoshi said would actually make a difference to them.
That generally accounts for my pissed-off mood. Not exactly sure why, though.
Then I met Fur and she started telling me about how fucked up troubled 05IP03 was. Even though half the people I talked to told me not to give 2 hoots, uh an OGL's gotta do what an OGL's gotta do? But I still can't understand how the mood of one person can affect the entire class. Sigh.
Went for training. Realized that Tong is not only a jinx, he's just a pig. A very deaf pig. (Sorry Clara.) He just doesn't give a damn unless I'm Elsa, Leon or the Queen of Scotts. Thus I'm going to actually pen down my thoughts on what I told him/Leon/Elsa and submit it to him, just so I can actually be heard.
I'm sorry, Leon's just pissing me off now.
Thankfully Yaya Mary visited. It's good to tell her stuff. Because you know she's the type who would always keep a secret. =)
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Hee, a new template I have made for myself. =D
And yes, I do realize that it's bloody hard to read. Hooray! Life is tough. =D
Valentine's Day's going to be awkward, and lonely. It sounds really childish but to receive a bouquet of flowers every year (well, every year except for the last 2) is really heart-warming. To know that you're being thought of, it's.. a good feeling. It sounds really stupid because I know most don't think that flowers from family is romantic. Yea it sounds stupid now, because it sounds as if I have no social life. But I don't know, family's just gotten more and more important to me. To receive flowers and gifts from my brothers, ... and my uncle who's all the way in New York, it really makes you feel good about yourself. But it sounds dumb because obviously you'd seem like you're their number 1 and everything. But it always seems so sincere, whether they're right or not.
"There's nothing more sweet or sincere than saying 'I love you' if you mean it"
- Robbie Williams
Saturday, February 05, 2005
I realized that most of my posts have been about training, which scares me because I'm not the only one who thinks I'm going overboard by training 4 times a week.
Nonetheless, played a game against the guys. Got my inning's worth of pitching, which was generally alright: 1 walk, 1 strikeout.
Went for lunch with Elsa Yawen Joyce and most of the guys.
And by the way, just so everybody feels a bit more relieved, I can't do the IS2102 assignment either. Either that or I'm just not putting in any effort. That scares me, considering I spent today playing Sims 2, and watching Fight Club and Honey again.
Li, wake up.
Friday, February 04, 2005
i won't dwell on it for much longer but please have some self respect. it isn't very sightly to watch any of you girls slobber over any guy, or guys for that matter. especially if the guys aren't particularly worthy.
if there's one thing i can't stand about people's blogging style, it's how they use that strikeout tool to strikeout stuff they don't feel is very.. nice. if it's what you want to say, then i doubt you should cancel it out, considering half the time what you say is right. =)
anyway.
=)
let it be known that i went for PE today! AND ran 2.4k. i amaze myself. haha. timing sucks. somehow i always expect my standards to never drop, even though i make no effort to keep it up. =/
went to clementi with shenxiang weiling and navina. got my eyes checked. i barely need specs, but the shop's selling frameless specs at $96! =D
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Quick boring update before I go to sleep.
Decided to wake up a tad bit later today because school was supposed to start an hour later. BUT I found 2 messages - one from prad, one from charmaine, The former telling me I had to be in school by 7.50 for the pubstunt, and the latter saying I had to be in school by 7.20 for a softball meeting. This itself was pretty shocking, considering there was a principal's talk at 7.40!
So anyway I rushed down with horrendous gastric cramps (that's what the doctor calls it, anyway) and was late for the talk. What a surprise. Haha.
Did the pubstunt. Yay. =)
Training 2 days in a row is not fun. Well actually I hit 50 strikes much faster today than yesterday. Even though my arm was aching like crazy.
Haven't replied to tags in ages so I'll just uh start. =)
cat: li xiao jie! =D YAY we should have a mass bingo session or sth. yay! =D
tim: where would i be without your valued advice? and vice versa, of course. =D
pradZ: haha, ma' bad. =) ok i'm chilled. and you should be too! =)
rach: haha yea maybe i should go for your math tuition too! GRACE? good teacher? naaaaah. =D
dria: YAY let's go find science tuition too. my goodness, i'm going to have so very many tuitions. =D well uh SITTING NEXT TO JEREMY AND SCOTT DOESN'T HELP EITHER! ok fine maybe it does.. a bit. =/ haha
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Things I'm going to say before I go crazy:
- I'm going to really start mugging.
- I don't understand Trigo. At all.
- I'm still pissed off at you, and everything in the world.
- If you're too selfish, you should be isolated from the world.
- You're not the only one who's insecure.
- I'm going to study.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Mr Mark Barber is one hilarious guy. =D
Lessons are dull as ever.
Pitching machine's here.
You'd think coach would give me and joyce a break, huh.
=)
Yea yea yea, laugh it up. You think it's all so easy. You think I'm as good as you. You think that being acting cool gets you places. You think acting as if everybody's under you gets you places. It just shows how low people can get. dickhead.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Would you flinch if I critisized anything about you?
I hate my blog template now. Hahahaha.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Here I am again. I think Blogger's screwed up. Along with my tagboard. =(
Road run was today. I surprised myself, really. I haven't ran in ages and I didn't intend on running 4-bloody-km after such a long haitus WITH cramps. But I did anyway. Hahaha. Came in 6th after 5 other IP1 girls. Was so unfair but I'm done ranting for the day. So basically, all of the IP2 girls didn't win anything because the medals (yes, all 3 of them) were won by the IP1 girls. Not that that's a problem or anything, despite that being really really embarrassing. But the problem was that they just had to combine the IP1s with the IP2s. And with this huge combination (or as they like to call it, bonding,) they only gave out 3 medals per gender, compared to 20 for J1s and another 20 for J2s. If not, it'd be me, wanda and rach on the podium. Butttt whatever. Quote "Psychic Wall" by Flaming Lips (new theme song for SpongeBob's movie!!) you don't need a crown
Anyway, decided to be a party pooper and went home after roadrun because my cramps were killing me. Even til now. =( I've had this huge hot waterbottle/thermal flask thing over my stomach for goodness knows how long and it still hurts. For all I know, it may just be a stomach virus. Yet my mom thinks I inherited cancer or something. Whatever it is, I'm going to the polyclinic first thing tomorrow.
I hate being sick. And I hate being immobile and I hate being voiceless. It's a horrible, horrible feeling. =(
Thursday, January 27, 2005
I can barely remember what goes on during school anymore.
because not much goes on.
-shrugs-
Hung around with Grace after school.
Spent most of the time making her look piggy.
GUILTY.
=D
Went to watch NJ play Crescent.
SORRY i couldn't play - mom's order. =(
Lost by a bit.
SORRY JOYCE for making you pitch 6 innings by yourself.
Damn, we really held them down, like, really.
Was tied 9-9 at the 5th inning.
SORRY SORRY JOYCE.
I suddenly feel this pang of guilt.
and for the record, i did it all because i figured that if He were to have seen me like this, he wouldn't like it. just because he's dead, it doesn't mean i can go against him. and btw i don't need you to understand it or to pretend to understand it. because, you just won't.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Cramps.
Initial bad day.
Brought the wrong size of slacks.
BUT
I LOVE YOU WANDA!!
and joyce for listening to my ENDLESS complaints =)
and joanne's pretty pink pill saved my life. =)
got to pitch
LET NO RUNS IN
WON peicai!
estimated 12-1.
Tmr's match against crescent:
shit.
=D
i love you, everybody. =)
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Suddenly thought of this song. Hmm, my previous posts make no sense. I'm getting more and more disoriented.
Unpretty - TLC
I wish could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today (yeah)
My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I'm just trippin'
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make up
That man can make
But if you can't look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in the position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty too
Never insecure until I met you
Now I'm bein' stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you
And then I'll get back to me (hey)
My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I'm just trippin'
Rules I must abide by for the next few games:
1. No freaking out.
2. No breaking down.
3. No swearing.
4. Stick to the rules.
Though I have to admit I have nothing to be worried about, considering Joyce'll be doing all the work.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Won't talk about training.
But to ruixin, joyce, yawen, hang, pok and everybody else, thanks. =)
Everything crumbles when you're gone.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
I waited for you,
really, I did.
For a few days now.
But you never came.
I'm supposed to snap out of it and proclaim
Why am I even waiting for you?
But I don't have the heart to.
So I'll keep waiting
even though i know you'll never come
what i'm doing is so.. immoral.
but i don't care.
i feel stupid
but still...
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Had a horrible rant coming but decided that I'd save it. Love you dears so much =)
Trainnig was OK I guess. Watched the guys play VJ. I never knew Yawen liked Cat-O too. =D
complacency, complacency, complacency
Gotta train harder.
Friday, January 21, 2005
now i know why people like sitting in corners
and why they keep quiet and withdrawn
it's to get away from everybody else
and i've discovered the beauty in being unnoticed
and being uncared-for
so nobody'll notice or stare at you
to watch you screw up
or to anticipate your screw-up.
i like knowing that people aren't watching
i like knowing that people genuinely don't care
because when people don't care, you don't have to be fake about your emotions
and end up feeling fake both inside and outside
because, nothing hurts if nothing's real.
and somehow, it feels much better this way
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Sorry dears for the.. rant. Yes, I can't spell when I'm pissed. Ok fine, I can't spell at all. =D
Training was.. good. Beauty of it all was that there isn't the VJ match on saturday! BUT there's a match next weds and thurs and roadrun on friday. goodness.
i love joyce. =) and yawen and miss ling and coach!! and shenxiang is stupid. hahahahahaha.
there's so much more i could say. about, everything. but i won't. not here, at least.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
School.. boring. It was a good thing there were a lot of free periods and what-not. Entertain ourselves by playing a bit of Halo 2 (I'M SO NOT A JYNX!) and Daidee and Bridge.
Oh and cultural mapping SUCKS. In case everybody hasn't figured it out yet.
Went for another FBU rehearsal. You guys are gonna love it. =D
"Got problem...?" ROFL.
Training was.. tiring. It sucked without Joyce. =( She somehow motivates me to pitch strikes. =D I hate pitching without my cleats. =( Oh yes and POK! CHILL OUT! =)
Went home feeling nauseous because I sat facing the opposite direction, and hungry because I didn't eat anything for the whole of today, dehydrated because I didn't bring my waterbottle (or cleats for that matter). So I had to get off at Clementi Interchange because I was going to hurl. And walked the rest of the way home. Thank goodness I didn't hurl til after I was in the comfort of my own home.
Had such a pleasant surprise when I got home. (No it wasn't Grace's ONGEH) It was MY BRO!!! He finally came back from NS. Love him and just about everybody else to bits. =)
I'm in a generally cheerful mood despite a horrendous burning hole in my stomach. =/
but fuck. fuck fuck fuck. i'm not ready. at. all. coach and just about everybody else probably knows it, judging by how fucking lousily i pitched today. i usually CAN cope under pressure and all that shit. but fuck. this is VJC. V-thebestsoftballschoolintheworld-JC. in a few days time. saturday. fuck. talk about pitching under pressure. tong already said i'm the type who'd snap under pressure. like i've already done. but.. i don't know. i don't snap if i know i'm good at it. like in gym, where everybody was freaking good and we had.. confidence. here it's like so.. dead. then again, thank god we're not like the others who are complacent when they're not even that good. but whatever. it's such a rush. it's crazy. it's supposed to be good exposure but you just can't lunge a game at people with such short notice. especially not to pitchers. fuck. damn, why do i have to snap so freaking easily.
AND bythewayjustsoyouknow it DOESN'T help if people like you enjoy poking fun at people like me who are already trying their damn hardest to do their damn best EVEN THOUGH they just find out that they have to pitch on short notice. itdoesnthelp.AT.ALL. and don't think that just by whispering or just by downright staring and clucking to yourself doesn't affect us too much. because you're fucking wrong. if the opposing team does that i'm perfectly fine, because it motivates me to pitch better than usual. but knowing you're from the same bloody team, and i'm thatsameol' pitcher who's been trying her damned hardest even-though-she-still-sucks-at-it, doesn't help. at all. so stop it.
so in general, THANKYOU to everybody who's either sprung a surprise game on me, or to those who've taunted me in any way. because you've made my pitching life a living hell. NOT TO MENTION all the lovely comparisons of me and joyce. THANKYOU very much because i REALLY REALLY need everybody to remind me again and again, over and over that she IS better than me. YES i've realized that and she IS better than me. but you can't fucking expect me to be as good as a girl who's been pitching for about 3 years, as compared to me who's been pitching for about half a month.
THANKYOU EVERYBODY.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Blogging has gotten.. boring.
Quick recap of the day before I forget everything. =D
Boring lessons.
Sitting next to Scott and Jeremy during Miss Suhili's lesson is not advisable.
Went for Stellar Evolution.
Rocks. =D
Took 154 home
to realize I had to do the FBU pubstunt!
Chiong-ed back.
Hilarious pubstunt we have.
Good job Prad and the rest of FBU!
Still in this general happy mood. I love everybody. =D
Monday, January 17, 2005
Tired.
Training.
I love you Steff =)
I'm not the only one with those opinions.
Enough said. =D
need.
to.
focus.
on.
studies!
after Raven. =D
Shit I'm so so so so screwed. MUST STUDY MUST STUDY!!
After Raven. =D
Sunday, January 16, 2005
It's official. I'm sick. =(
I did just about nothing today. BUTTT I did get my Chinese magazine done. Hooray for me! Chinese Rep will be proud. =D
Watched TV til about 5 and then I somehow fell asleep on the couch. Woke up 2 hours later thinking it was 7am, Monday. And I was on my bed. I still haven't figured out how I mysteriously moved from the couch to my bed. Haha. I amaze myself. Hurhurhur.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Yesterday was a relatively crummy day. Ahh yes, now I remember. Kena-ed by Tammy Ho for skipping PE. Haha. I am so so stupid. After school I helped FBU do their pub stunt. Went down after that in an attempt to pitch with somebody BUT the guys (Pok Reggie Wilbert Li Chun) were there fixing fences so I helped. =D Supervising is a tough job.
Went out with Shenxiang and Wenshu after that to Clementi Macs.
Today started off really badly. I woke up and I couldn't open my eyes. Which was a pretty good excuse for sleeping in later, so I continued to sleep. Woke up again and still couldn't open my eyes. So now my eyes are half its size. Sneezed nonstop. It was horrible. My mom had the shock of her life when I was in the bathroom sneezing and tearing. Haha.
She forced me down to the polyclinic, which was pretty coincidental considering I need an MC for PE. =) I love my mommy. =)
Must finish Chinese Magazine. Or Chinese Rep will kill me. HAHAHA. =D
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Life's been generally boring. Went to KAP with the old i03 this morning because we start school an hour later on thursdays.
Oh yes, there was the lovely discussion of Lianne and her "Fairy Muff". HAHAHAHA.
Blahblah, went for training. Heh, I realized I pitch relatively better when I'm around Miss Ling/Joyce. Being influenced by the people around me? For once, it's good. Haha. Don't know why, either. Been trying to get my technique right but it's tough. Hope I can get it right by SRC. =/
Tired. And I don't want to do the stupid magazine. So so lazy. Heh. =)
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Bahhhh. Boring day. I like =D
Spent most of lesson time doing the story game with Wanda Grace and Nina. =D
Went to Venezia. Blahblahblah.
Went to Grace's. Watched some Spirit-thing. Damn cute. Did something. Hee! GRACE YOU MUST REMEMBER TO... BRING... IT. Rainbow doesn't recognise me anymore. =( Hahaha.
And here I am, once again, bored. Can't be bothered to do Chinese. Heh, try and stop me, Chinese Rep! =D
Sims 2, here I come!
Oh my bloody gosh I'm a slacker. Damn. Hee! =)
Monday, January 10, 2005
First day of proper school. It was ok I guess, since the lessons now only last 50 minutes. Not a bad concept. =)
School ended at about 2. I love you Wanda. =) I just realized that tragedy is always the "binding force" behind most relationships. I'd know, it's happened to me too many times before. So before anything happens, or before anything attempts to happen, I wanna just say that I love everybody. And I don't wanna lose anybody else =)
Softball tryouts at 5. Was a huge turnout. At least 38 girls turned up. Amazing. =) Who do you think you are to just walk in and assume you're better than everybody else when you're not? Don't flaunt what you don't have. And even if you ever were better than any of us, we're still your seniors. You're new. Act that way. Jeepers.
Trying to stay silent for 1 minute is tough. Try it! Haha.
Ok I'm gonna go MUG like a true student and not stop 'til about 3am. COFFEE IS MY FRIEND.
Gotcha! =D
Saturday, January 08, 2005
LA FAMIGLIA!
Click here for pics of Thurs and Fri!
Yesterday - Friday
Went for some cultural mapping crap at Bukit Timah Nature Reserve. Utter crap. =D Got back to school by about 2 to get ready for the dance party/dinner. Rushed off with KaiHui to coro to buy sparkling juice (because we couldn't find anybody 18 to.. yea) We looked hilarious because he was in his TCHS uniform and I was in my NYGH one. We counted the number of times people'd stare at us. XD
Rushed back and started the dinner. I had a feeling I didn't want you there that day. And, well, I was right. It was their dinner, not yours
Dance party was a huge success I guess, despite the period of horrendous techno. 05IP03 was actually dancing! It was such a beautiful sight, where everybody was just.. happy. =) Really, heart-warming. =)
And btw, Ferleen, Brent the man, and KaiHui, you guys rock. =) TONG ZHI MEN, WO AI NI! =D
Dance party ended at about 9. Stupid DC scared me while I was throwing away some trash. =(
Stayed back til about 10 to clean up the parade square. Stephen Wong called for a meeting at 10 and started scolding and blahblahblahblahblahblah.
Hung around with the other OGLs til about 10:30 deciding where to eat/stay over, since we had to go back to school the next day to clean up.
Finally decided to go home. =( What a party pooper I am. Heh.
Today - Saturday
Went to school at 10 to continue cleaning up. My God, my OGL-ing days are over. Quite.. sad. =(
Went out with Solaris to J8. Shared a Spinach Tortilleli and dessert with Jurja. Sat around and talked cock with a lot of people. Hung around until about 5 with DC Kaihui Gerard and Sean. They *ahem* SMS-ed a certain somebody but it was half-fake. Ok it doesn't sound.. right.
Anyway I'm hungry. Dinner calls. =)
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Sigh, I miss the old 04i03. =(
I'm apparantly wedged between Scott and Jeremy.
That can't be good. =/
I have lost my voice.
I know I've said that a gazillion times but everyday it gets worse and worse.
But being an OGL still rocks. =)
Went to school at 6.45am again. Spent the whole morning before assembly tying water bombs and transporting them. It's a tough job! Got drenched by Pradeep and Bobby because I MERELY STATED THE TRUTH ABOUT SJI.. IN CHEER FORM hahahaha.
Went for morning assembly completely drenched. Had 3 people in our 04i03 line. Sun lao shi had a shock. Hurhurhur.
Had war games today!
LUCIANO WON and so did Costello.
Hahaha.
It was bloody fun aye!
Got drenched again by Bobby and Prad. Roar. Haha.
Went for Luciano dinner at KAP. We booked the whole 2nd level.. for free! (KAP works in mysterious ways haha) Played truth or dare. Was hilarious.
Stayed around and talked cock with the other OGLs when the OGs left. Many people showed different.. tricks and I was (once again) one of the slowest to get them. Haha.
And then Rachel started laughing. Over nothing. And then Ferleen started laughing at Rachel. Then I started laughing at Ferleen. And Rachel started laughing at Ferleen and me. And it became a vicious cycle of us laughing over nothing. Focking hilarious. =D
For the weirdest reason, I sorta kinda can't wait to get back to class. Heh. I think I'm still high from all the laughing. Hahaha.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Tired!
And very very voiceless!
Haha.
And once again for those who forgot,
LUCIANO ROCKS!
OG sessions are OK I guess.
Had mass dance.
I love mass dance.
=)
CCA carnival.
I love softball. =)
Had training after it.
Pitched with Joyce and Yawen.
Played SS.
I TAGGED NICK...
...BUT THE BALL FELL OUT ONLY AFTER I TAGGED HIM
Damn.
Haha.
Got home aching like crazy.
I wanna go for lessons (OK fine I don't)
I wanna see my class.
I wanna see my old class.
=(
Thought about it.
Maybe Nicky's right after all.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Heh.
Been busy.
Quick update. =)
Monday - First day of school
Got to school by 6.45am for OGL purposes.
Saw beloved 04I03 together for the last time.
'Minimal changes' my ass.
As if tearing apart I03 and dumping each of us into a completely different class is minimal.
Damn.
Ended OGL stuff at around 6.
Went down for training.
Coach was subtley pissed at me.
Don't know why.
At least I actually bothered to come down for training.
Met Joyce.
Our new star pitcher.
Today
Went to school at 6.45am.
Did our march-in and skit!
Rocked.
Haha.
Was the OGL for 05I03
with Brent, Ferleen and Kai Hui.
We rock.
And now we have no voices.
At all.
=X
LUCIANO ROCKS!!
Sunday, January 02, 2005
Hugs. I love everybody. =)
Thank you everybody who messaged/tagged me to wish me a Happy New Year/Month/Week/Day.
=)
Love you guys loads. =)
Yesterday:
Went out with Shenxiang and Weiling!
Bia-ed math homework.
Pooled money to buy fries/icecream comes/drinks.
Came over to my house.
Played xbox.
I suck at Need for Speed.
Hee!
Took 60 pics of "Our class according to Shenxiang"
Will upload later.
I'm in such a joyous mood despite being sick.
I love everybody =D
Friday, December 31, 2004
Good day, today.
OGL session started at 8.
Reached early so played pool. =D
Ran through full dress twice.
Trust me, it takes longer than it sounds.
Arranged 1000 chairs in the hall.
(You juniors better not mess up the place!)
Went for lunch at KAP with *takes long breath*
Weiling Wanda Lu Grace Dria Rach Reggie Wenshu SX
and eventually Shannon.
Went to Shaw to watch Meet the Fockers.
It was focking hilarious. =)
ASS-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE. =D
Walked around a bit after that.
Took a train with Weiling and Shenxiang.
Talked.
=D
Went to Clementi Macs for a 'midnight snack'
Heh.
Walked home with them.
Saw my bro.
Waited for Weiling's bus while it started pouring.
Got home.
Hugged my bro. =D
My eyes hurt.
Going to school by 6.45 for the first week of school is going to be horrible.
Eyebags galore.
And I think I'm sick.
Yet the world's still so beautiful.
=)
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
one more thing. why do people do charity?
i was walking back today and i saw this 18 year old guy asking for donations from a 12 year old girl. and the girl was so obviously head over heels with the guy. and she was flirting and flirting and the guy noticed it and used it to his advantage. and in the end she donated $10.
so she donated the damned money just to impress an 18 year-old.
is that why we do charity?
so we can impress people with our large amounts of money and our huge generosity?
i'm in no position to say much about this because i haven't donated alot to whatever charities there are.
but honestly, it's quite sad. period.
thank god for today's outing.
felt good to be out with the girls (weiling wanda grace dria + reggie) again.
good time to actually relax.
i love you guys =)
OGL stuff is fun.
heh.
Monday, December 27, 2004
fuck.
today was a bad day.
cramps.
felt uncomfortable.
thought about stuff.
stuff i didn't want to think about.
but i did anyway.
decided it'd be best.
i'm sorry.
today was a bad day.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
Yawn. Tired. But.. loved. =)
First off, Merry Christmas to everybody. (I'll save 'Happy New Year' til the actual New Year) Thank you everybody who SMS-ed/called/tagged me. =)
Had our tiny reuinion again last night. Pretty simple. Stuffing wasn't good at all. It was tiny too =( No matter. Heh. Made coleslaw with Nicky and it was pretty good I guess. Guess it felt pretty good seeing everybody again la. =)
Slept at about midnight, after calling Uncle Mike and Grandma in USA. Felt good talking to the both of them. =)
Went to brunch with Steve Mellor and his wife and about 15 other family friends. Nicky dropped his egg white on the floor and it resembled a shark. ... ooookay. Haha. Must learn how to make banana flambe. It has alcohol.
Oh yes, horror of all horrors. Got my period at the damn brunch!
Felt shitty, got home and took a nap til about now. So I'm completely lethargic. Heh.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
heh.
sorry.
ma' bad.
love you =)
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
fuckitfuckitfuckit.
now i'm looking like shit.
and i'm feeling like shit.
fuck
i wish i'd been more ignorant.
i wish i didn't see it.
it's all about accepting your opportunity costs.
fuck.
fuck fuck fuck.
need to tyre bat nownownow.
fuck.
I've been feeling awfully nauseous lately.
bad bad bad.
=(
something's i can't touch, i always wanted way too much
Monday, December 20, 2004
Steve Mellor is one hilarious guy.
Enough said.
Still haven't bought christmas cards.
Hmm.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
thank you
Bored bored bored. Shenxiang and Pok are sweet people indeed. =)
Went swimming today. My bruise is starting to look worse. =(
Friday, December 17, 2004
Last day of training. =( Did drills, drills, Drills. But we did do long hits. During which I got hit in the thigh by Leon's batted ball, thanks to Nick. I think I'm officially immune to pain. Hmm. Played a sort-of game. I was pitcher most of the time. Heh. Was pretty good I guess. But it was so damned hot. Almost died. =/
Went to lunch with *takes deep breath* Elsa Christina Jieli Bert Pok Leon Sherjing Nick Lichun Wilbert Reggie. I think.
Got home, fell asleep while my mom tried to teach my little bro about space tech. And now I'm here.
My bruise looks gross. =(
Something happened yesterday but I forgot what. ... Ehh.. Oh yea. Called my Grandma/Uncle Mike who are in New York for her birthday. Felt good talking to them again. =)
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
OHMIGOSH! Just as I was about to leave the house for a job interview yesterday, my mom said I had a letter! (a very interesting one, at that.) And it was some CDC Good Progress Award shit!! I got $150!! The most hilarious thing is that I didn't even do that well! Oh well, now I'm pretty loaded. Having mixed thoughts about buying an ipod mini. This sucks. Chasing fads is bad, bad, bad. Damn but it looks so freaking nice. =(
Annnyway training today rocked I guess. Haha. Neither Leon nor Christina had the key, and Elsa was overseas and Nick was sick, so we had no key to open the closet. So we were doing minimal training with minimal balls 'til Nick came all the way from AMK to give us the key. So sweet. Heh. Drills were boring. Nobody can doubt that. But I did ask coach to teach me to jump hop, despite all the so-very-corny jokes about it. -__-" hahaha
PLAYED TENNISBALL-SOFTBALL!! Ok, it's the modification of softball, where you use a tennisball instead and use a taekwondo (comin' at cho'!) kicking-shit to bat with. Conclusion, we looked so freaking hilarious. At least I got to play 3rd and 1st! My 2 all-time favourite places. Hee. I hit a homerun!! Hehe. Hooray. =)
Ehh. Don't know how to end this off. Heh. Somebody please enlighten me on whether I should get the damned ipod mini or not!!
Sunday, December 12, 2004
"44% of America takes drugs. The other 56% don't play MLB" - Jay Leno
Lmao
Saturday, December 11, 2004
I'm feeling bloated. Bloated from lasangia. =D
Slacked through most of the day. Was half-asleep when I heard on 98.7FM that daniel ong and jean danker were giving out free ipod mini's to 2 couples!! attempted to round up some people (sorry kok) and finally got weiling and reggie to go down to shaw within half an hour. =D
didn't win it though. why is that not surprising =( i was so sad!! heh. walked around and finally went home. now i'm feeling fat. hurhurhur.
spongebob time. =)
Friday, December 10, 2004
Ok fine, you guys were right, I can't stay mad at anybody for too long either. =)
Training was especially tiring because 1) it was under the hot sun 2) i was sick. Bad day. =( Did diamond work again, pitched for Prashan, Hongyi and Andrew. "struck out" a couple. Hurhurhur.
Played a bit of 3B too. Let it be known to the world that I tagged out Prashan!!! Gosh, I love 3B!! You get to tag people!!
Played a bit of soccer with Elsa Hongyi Andrew Prashan Wilbert Leon after training. Surprisingly fun! Though I've proven to myself and everybody else that I truly suck at it. Hahaha.
Went out to KAP with Elsa Hongyi and Wibert after that.
Got home and pampered my blister. Haha.
~~~~~
Christmas is dead. face it, the one person who 'promoted' christmas, who made christmas so beautiful, so pure, is inevitably gone. Now christmas is just fake. it's become so commercialized, and my family's so caught up with it. and they think they can just buy christmas. which is highly ironic because we're poor. but now christmas seems so.. stupid. why would anybody want to buy the turkey and stuffing, and extract the fun of cooking together? why would anybody want to buy presents just for the sake of keeping people happy? christmas isn't all about presents or food or setting up the christmas tree. christmas isn't buyable. there's more to christmas than all that. but it's all gone.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
bro's sick and now so am i.
=(
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Yesterday:
Went cycling with Nick to Big Bookshop to buy stationery. Bought lunch. I love Nick. =)
Went for Luciano dinner. Was pretty fun. Ate at Thai Express, played at the arcade, did sth very malu =( and ate at Gelare at the kid's section. Hee. =)
Today:
Roar. Today let me to the conclusion that guys suck, unless they're family or proven otherwise.
You'd think they'd take a hint or two. Or too many to count.
Poor us.
Why the hell us girls even bother to slave over you guys, and when we ask you to help us do just a bit, you can't. You won't. Bloody hell. We're doing all this for the damn team. You're part of the damn team too, you know. Every single guy who went for training today is now, in my eyes, an asshole. An insensitive, immature, inconsiderate asshole. Couldn't you take the hint when Miss Ling said "Why aren't the guys gentlemanly?"? Couldn't you take the hint when we were slogging over the field under the fucking sun, and when we just approach you to help us, you just sat in your comfortable shade and laughed and had a ball of a fucking time. God, why do we even bother? Honestly. Don't mistake me for a feminist bitch because I'm not. I had no problem with guys. Today just proved that they're all too busy with their entertainment. And of course, why would us girls need any of that? We'd much rather slave in the sun and run up and down moving equipment and everything.
I should've listened to Elsa when she said that we're better off training without the guys.
Monday, December 06, 2004
I just realized how cute Nicky is. =D We spent the whole afternoon throwing bits of bread from our house into a pond and at nearby pigeons. Hee.
The New Amsterdams - Poison in the Ink
Some might say it's over rated,
staring at their shoes.
Your arrows don't have poison
but they bruise
I can't make peace with you
All my heart is on these pages,
open to abuse.
I should try to be dishonest
but I lose
It's never been for you.
Angry eyes,
there's poison in the ink
You've got so much time
to think about it.
Try to put your finger on it
and figure out what's right for
me and mine.
Expletives and explanations
fade bruise colored blue.
A thicker skin develops on the wound.
I won't change it for you.
I'm just telling the truth.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NINAAAA!!
Hee!
This is so so boring. Are we still going out on the 9th? =(
My family is a circus. A very amusing circus. =D
Friday, December 03, 2004
I've been excessively blogging these days because there simply isn't anything else to do. But I did just break my unbeatable high score for my stupid game. I am Queen of Something More now. Hoorah for me. =)
Dug through some of my Mom's stuff and now I regret looking through them. Stupid bitch. Leave us alone.
Made me think... again. Need to learn how to cook again. I mean, dang, I was always just kidding around, smiling there when you directed all the praise to me. Now I have to do it All By Myself. I've forgotten everything, partially because we didn't do it last year, and because I took you for granted. I never expected you to go. But you did. I wish I wasn't such a bitch. I wish I could just rewind everything, and treasure the time we had. God, this isn't a fairytale where everything turns out perfect in the end. Because it can't be perfect. It just isn't possible, to have a part of you missing. To go on the way it was. How stupid I was. To completely ignore you while you were still around. How, when I was younger, I hated you because I was too childish. And even when I was older, I would be too busy with More Important Stuff to care about you. And I'd be too caught up with my work, my friends, my Everything-Except-You because I thought we had all the time in the world to be together. But we didn't. I feel like screaming at myself for being so stupid. It's too late, girl. Too late. It's over now.
Today was fun =)
Went for training early, again, with only Elsa. Did 100 strikes in no time. =) Did it in the little mosquito-infested corner because there was some soccer friendly going on. There was NJ, MJ, AC and (as Titus put it) "a bunch of angmohs". Hahaha.
Johannes was hanging around too, with Thomas so he started pitching and we started slacking (ONLY AFTER MY STRIKES) Never knew Pradeep, Brent, Heng Wee and others were so enthu about softball! =D Was super fun, Pradeep almost broke a window. =D
Rachel!! I love youu!! Cheer up k? =)
Don't you hate it when guys blatantlystare at you when you're just minding your own damned business? Urgh..
Got back home and made a nice huge sandwich. Fat arms, here I come! =)
Oh yea, collected my GPA too. But I can't "openly announce" despite this being my blog because people think that I'd be haolian-ing. So here I am, writing in black because I don't wanna cause a riot. I personally am pretty satisfied with it, but it isn't that good, but I can't say that because people'd think that I'm like a ****. Hmm.
End of year GPA: 3.53 (WP: 70, CL: 82.3, MA1102: 69.1, MA1103: 72.1, IS04: 68.8, IS05: 75.6, IS06: 74.8, IS07: 58.7, IH1103:64.7, MI1102: 74.5, SP1101: 56.1
Overall GPA: 3.50
Nonetheless, I'm feeling guilty for my stupidity and ignorance. Because I know a lot more people who are way smarter than me, but don't have the grades to prove it. Here's to the truly smart people.
Thursday, December 02, 2004 Eeeeks, I can hear people shrieking in the background, must be Singapore Idol. Highly overrated, in my opinion. But for what it's worth, go taufik =) Sylvester can't even sing.
Woke up, got dressed in 5 minutes, and ran out of the house, was 5 minutes late for training =( which earned me 2 extra rounds. Made me realize that I don't have the stamina that I used to. Freaky thought. =(
Anyway, my day started pretty damned early because of training at 8. Only genius me slept through my alarms (I have 2 alarm clocks, by the way) because I would've much preferred some nightmare about Hollow Man in my house. Hmm. Haha.
Trained with Pok for about 45 minutes and rushed off for OGL mass-dance-learning. (Sorry Pok!!) Learnt the other dance (GOOD JOB RACHEL!!), and went to lunch with Lignum and Solaris at Serene Centre. Went back and played other retarded-yet-fun games, like Mafia and It's a pirate's life (sorry ninaaaaa!! hahaha) and finally we played dodgeball which was pretty freaking fun!! I love softball <3
When it all ended, we (Sharon Runyu Pradeep Gerard Brent Heng Wee) all attempted to go watch The Incredibles. So we went to PS, but it was sold out. So we went to Lido - sold out. So we went to Cine - had weird times. So we were just sitting there at about 7.30pm doing nothing, when Hey! There's Singapore Idol on this huge screen!! So we sat our asses down at the basement of Cine to watch it! It was a hilarious sight. And also, there was this free-sms-service-where-you-can-message-in-and-it'll-be-featured-on-the-screen, so we did, and so did *cough* some other people. =) "uncivilise NJ clowns sitting downstair", phsaw. Hahaha.
Rushed home (now) and I'm unenthusiastically awaiting the SI results. Who on earth would vote 1000 times for somebody? (For who, is a different story heehee)
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Sigh, my entries are getting duller and duller =( Anyway, went fish-shopping with my Mommy for my once-flourishing-but-now-dead aquarium. (Nicky caught some dirty bacteria-crawling fish and killed all the fish in my beautiul aquarium) Bought lotsa fish. I'm happy. =)
Oh yes, for all those keeping count, my other job interview was (once again) a failure. =( Honestly, I went there expecting, well, a simple job! But of course, the "telemarketing" job I chose to go down for was for AIA!!! And the other applicants of the job were adults!! So I looked like the daughter of the boss or sth. It was.. sad. So I left halfway, pretty cheesed off.
Oh. MY BRO HAS THE COOLEST HAIR IN THE WORLD!! He got it done for his prom and it looks.. skunk-like. =D It's his normal hair on the sides with this thick blonde streak of naturally-spiked (I'm serious, he woke up and his hair was still standing!) hair!! It's so funky!
I'm off now to uh check and make sure my fish haven't jumped out of the tank from anxiety. =D
Monday, November 29, 2004
Super tired!! Ah, the unbeautiful letdown. =(
Training was extra tiring because there was only one other pitcher (Chris) so it was hence very boring. But we did a lot of pitching drills which I have to remember to educate the others on:
- Stand still and windup (25 x2)
- Windmill without moving legs thingy (25 x2)
- Run-back-3-steps-run-forward-3-steps-and-pitch thing (25 x2)
- Normal pitching with catcher (25 strikes)
- Pitching from 1.5 pitching distance w/o catcher (25 non-overthrows)
Ok that sounds retarded. And so am I. =D
ECP OUTING FOR ALL IP ON THE 9th. MUST GO OR BE ETERNALLY BORED.
After training I went for the damn job interview. Took me about 1/2 hour to get from one point of chinatown to the other (note i didn't know any of the street names). And when I finally got to my dream job, I saw about 10 other adults applying for the job. uh.. inverse!! hahaha. but i was so freaking pissed off! roar
still need to find more decent jobs. better stick with surveying, it's quick money. heh.
WHO'S WITH ME?
Sunday, November 28, 2004
I won't blog as much anymore because this holidays make me feel realize that I'm wasting my life away. Hence I'm going for 2 very promising job interviews tomorrow, wish me luck. And with the money earned, I'm gonna buy a new MP3 player. Can some IT-savvy person help me choose a good one? I just want a small, a-lot-of-space one. Please help me, I know nuts about MP3s. I'm willing to spend whatever I earn, which is estimated to be $400-$600.
I'm bored. And so is everybody else. So.. ATTENTION IP STUDENTS. Reggie, Bee and I are trying to organise a party/sleepover at ECP on the 9th (ie next tuesday). Please RSVP us, and bring booze/drinks.. or you'll pay. (literally) Haha
Saturday, November 27, 2004
By the way, Thanksgiving passed so silently I didn't even treasure it. Sad.
Whatever it is, thank you to all my friends who've put up with me through my eternal PMS. Love you guys to bits =)
Oh yes, talked to my bro when he got back last night from his new-found-joy from his softball training. Realized too many faults in our own training. Won't elaborate, because I'd feel too guilty for not being able to do anything to change it.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Attn: All IP03 students
KHALID'S PARTY
Nov 30th 2004, around lunch
Block 53 Telok Blangah Drive #06-76
(Take 131/145 from Harbourfront MRT.
Alight when the bus makes its first right turn.
RSVP by 28th Nov (Sunday) to either him or me
~~~~~
Times've changed, times are strange
Here I come but I ain't the same
Sorry for the recent... entries. Christmas used to be a really.. personal event, and everything's just.. different.
Went to school early for OGL meeting/mass dance today. Threw ball for about half an hour with Elsa before going to the student lounge. Mass dance is pretty fun, I have to admit. Had a Solaris/Luciano meeting after that. Went for the remaining half hour of training.
Went out with Hongyi to town to shop for his prom stuff. Damn you, Topman! Ate at BK, played pool at Far East, won 2-1. =)
Rushed home to see the house empty.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Set up the Christmas tree. It was.. sad, and boring. It was a half-hearted attempt to make Christmas seem the same. Reminded me of last year's attempt to "celebrate" Christmas with a lack of... everything. And how we didn't even cook the dinner like always, we ordered some cheap-shit from Swensons. And not-cooking took all the fun out of Christmas. And the dinner was restricted to our family only, because we moved house and didn't have enough space/money to invite the divers and all the family-friends. I miss cooking dinner. The turkey, the ham, the foolproof coleslaw and stuffing which was always praised because it was so damned good. I can't do that anymore, because you're not around to help. You're not here to cook, to celebrate, to love. i miss you, i love you
Am I obliged to continue to follow in the footsteps of somebody's deathwishes? If I was, then I'd be scoring a bit better in Bio, and I'd be working my way to a degree in Marine Biology, and be that much closer to starting up that Marine Biology school in Bali. Right now I can't possibly do that because my damn Bio is far from satisfactory.
I miss lazing around in the pool, talking about what we'd have in our new house in Bali. I miss how you'd show me the plans of the school and the houses and the nearby agriculture. And how we'd furnish our house, and what we'd do in the school, and everything. And for once in my life there was going to be a peaceful retreat for me in Bali, somewhere where everything made sense, and everything was going to be so simple. Somewhere where nothing would matter, and we'd live just for today.
What a perfect place.
And now it's gone.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Recap (only because I'm boring and like keeping track of my life hurhur)
Yesterday:
Went to American Club for (40% off) Fancy-Pancy Chinese Food with GongGong, Auntie Rosie and Mommy. Realized that something was taken off the menu. You bastards, just because he's dead, doesn't mean you can forfeit everything he'd done and said.
Today:
Went for training. Did warm-up throwing for about 20 minutes (almost died), tyre-batting (for once!), bunting, fence batting, and then started on 100 strikes. Crazy man. And I hate my new "style" of pitching. =( Good thing Pok was stuck on about 5 strikes with me. Haha.
Climbed (or crawled, rather) without Pok and Reggie because I didn't wanna fall and break my face in front of my family. Haha. Sorry! =D Went to lunch at American Club. Had a huge cheeseburger. Ahh, the beauty of American Club. Everything's.. huge. =) I tell ya, the cheeseburger's bigger than a Big N' Tasty! Now that's a cheeseburger! =D
Gonna be really busy the next few days. =( If only life were a little less hassle-less.
Going for a job interview tmr! Wish me luck! =D
Monday, November 22, 2004
Ahh. These past days have been busty busy. Recap:
Yesterday:
Went around asking people to do my survey which I was getting paid for 50 cents/survey. Didn't get many at first, but let's just say that I finished all 30 of them. Hehehe. Went down to Wheelock to get my $15, and the sweet lady gave me an extra $5 for transport/sympathy fee. So I earned a grand total of $20, which is pretty ok I guess, considering it was only 1 day of work and the work wasn't exactly work. How many times have I said 'work' in that sentence?! Haha.
Bought ma you ji for my family. =)
Today:
Went for training, and despite starting extra early, I only got 63 strikes completed. But it was pretty ok because Benson was teaching me a new pitching techinque which supposedly made me less tired. Haha. Spent about half an hour replanting the field because we screwed it up pretty badly. =D
Went out to KAP with Elsa Amanda Pok and Wilbert. Ate an icecream cone for once, instead of my beauuuuutiful hot fudge sundae.
Now:
Spitting watermelon seeds out of the window with Nicky. =D And getting ready for my job interview with weiling. =/ I'm tired. =(
Future:
WHO KNOWS WHAT THE FUTURE HAS IN STORE FOR US..
Hahaha was trying to make it sound as star-trek-ky as possible. =D
~~~~~
I come from the future. Went to the stupid job interview, ok fine not technically. We went to the place in Chinatown and found that it was so crowded that me and weiling got tired of waiting after half an hour. So we left and ate a lot of food in the Chinatown area. =D
Came home right after the NYPS principal left. =D
I'm so super tired. =(
My Nicky's going for some fishing competition. Hee. =)
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Oh yes, forgot to tell you that i had a nice dream about sliding on wooden planks in the middle of the sea and sharks trying to eat us and everybody was standing on wooden benches because we wanted to stay afloat and to save a koala and polar bear puppet. hahaha.
Went for my job just now! Basically I have to survey 50 people about crap, for measley $25. =(
Saw the cat-lady on my way home again! She's so sweet =)
Oh and when I was crossing the overhead bridge, I saw something so totally gross. I was so freaked out I almost vomitted on the spot. YUCK. I've lost my appetite =/ Really really really really really gross.
HAHAHA thank you thank you for the nice comments of the template. =) Don't you just feel drunk just by staring at it? =D
Annnyway, I found 2 jobs! And they're really part time so I can go for both concurrently. =)
I love my family. =) I hugged my bro and he screamed for me to let go. Hahahahahahahha. =)
Oh yes I'm pleased to announce that I have done 7 questions of the stupid Maths shit! Yay! Hahaha
and also, i know so many secrets yes i do!! but i can't tell you!
man, i'm a poet and i don't even know'it! =D
oh yes, and for the bored, go to www.sorryeverybody.com there are about a gazillion 'sorry's for letting bush win. it's hilarious. only for the bored =)
Friday, November 19, 2004
YAY NEW TEMPLATE!!
Lookit the pic!! Hahahahahahaha.. it's so fuckin-cute!! found it off the net.. it should be entitled "The World After 10 Shots of Vodka" or alternatively (according to reggie) "The World Through Sue-Lynn Li Yan McCurdy's Eyes". Either one fits well. =D
Still Jobless. Still bored. Hahaha. My life is booooooring. At least I have this hypnotic template to stare at. =D
Roar, I hate my blog. =( Need a new template. And a new tagboard. ROAR. Even my blogger entry count stopped at 156. Too many entries I guess =D
Eating so many damned skittles I think I'm gonna explode.
HOLY CRAP what am i doing. i should be making calls!
liyan is a busy busy person.
heh.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
YAYYYYYYY just got back from going outttttttttttttttttt hoorayyyy! =D
Went out with Weiling Shenxiang Grace Wanda BLONDE Reggie Rach Adrianni! Yay! Went to eat at sakae at Wheelock. Reggie has blond hair, like a Dumb Blonde. Hahahaha.
Ate like craaaaazy! Now we all look pregnant. =(
Took neos x2. Hahaha. Really fun. =)
Now I'm bored.. again. Gotta arrange for pitching dates. )=)
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
My absence will remind you of how tough it is to love
Training today was really power! I almost died. Did a grand total of 153 strikes! That's like.. 53 more than usual! And I did 3 more than usual because Miss Ling would say (after every consecutive strike) "Do one more". And I did and did til it was 153. =/ Hahaha. And I did them all in the freaking hot sun. I'm super duper sunburnt. =(
Went out to lunch with Charmaine Amanda Estelle Christina Pok Leon Lichun Wilbert and a few more. Spent most of the time talking about Mayo-Chilli sauce and me being a DJ. Pok you owe me a secret!!!
Got back and still persistantly tried to look for jobs but all of them seemed.. shitty. =/ This sucks =(
Need to arrange a date for more pitching. =/ And need to go out!! =D
OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO my agar-agar just broke. =( You know the layered thingys? It just.. broke!! =(
I'LL NEVER GET OVER THE TRAUMA!!!!!!! *runs off to cry*
*returns later eating more agar-agar*
life is too short to cry innit!
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Was digging through my Mom's stuff and found something pretty shocking. And disturbing.
No matter.
Went out with my Mom to make my I/C. I am so Freaking Pissed Off. I was taking the stupid photo there, and I was just sitting in the booth, waiting for the guy to say "1-2-3 Cheese", and I was on the verge of sulking when I suddenly heard the most frightening Click and I almost screamed!!! He took a picture of me sulking. Oh my goodness, I'm going to burn my I/C the minute they give it to me. =(
Went exploring with my Mom after that. Went to a nice Abercrombie sale, got a nice shirt for $15. =)
YAY the Japan people are back! We so so so so so need to go out!
Monday, November 15, 2004
Hah, I'm currently living out most people's horrors. All the principals/teachers/parent-helpers from NYPS are in my living room - now. Hah. Another one of my mom's "parties". Haha. And it's really funny because you get all the scoop on what's going on with them. And trust me, I know too much. Hahaha. Quote my younger brother, "They sound drunk, but they're not drinking." He is so right. Hahaha.
I'm really getting bored these days. =( Good thing there's still SNL and Jay Leno. You can learn so much from them. =) Like about that weird guy Scott Peterson, the guy who killed his wife, dumped her body in a lake, and went fishing there the next day. Which sadistic idiot would do that? People like him never fail to baffle me.
And there was also beautiful Wanda Sykes said, "Man, you gotta root for Bush. Or else it's like boo-ing the people in the Special Olympics!"
I love Jay Leno. Hahahahahaha.
I'd tell you why, but I don't know
It's simple and so complicated
I could walk all day on the rainroad tracks
But there's much more to it than that
Been sleeping most of my holiday life away. Sigh, this is so pointless! Now that I think about it, I rather have too much to do than nothing to do. Haha.
somebody PLEASE organise an IP outing!!
Sunday, November 14, 2004
Goodness, I'm still sleepy from camp. Got back and slept away the afternoon/night/morning. Still pretty zonked out though. But dang, playing daidee was worth it! Hahaha.
At least I got about 7 questions of the stupid Math homework done. Man I'm hardworking! Ok fine I felt obliged because my older bro was mugging his butt off. Haha =)
WTF there's Malay music being blasted from downstairs. And last night there was Perfect 10 being blasted. Goodness, talk about being multi-racial!
I think I'm sick. =/ Have a horrendous headache. =( I'm still sleepy. Me, me, me.
Let's go out sometime!! Somebody please organise something to spare all of us from boredom!
For the weirdest reasons, people think I'm weird just because I listen to songs that aren't commercialised. And it gets even weirder when people ask me what I listen to and frown when I list names people don't recognise. Oh hell.
Will post some Mirah lyrics here when I can find them. =/
Saturday, November 13, 2004
YAY I just got back from softball camp! It was freaking tiring but relatively fun. =D (sorry to Reggie, Gerard and Pok who might read this and kick themselves for not going. hee)
Day 1:
Went there damn early. Did super-lot of PT. Saw the malay dancers running around in track pants. Haha. We ran 8 bloody rounds non-stop! Almost died. Did more PT that was super tiring, but at least we had lotsa games to compensate! =D
The games we organised for the guys were so bloody fun, if only it were reciprocated =/ And there was this one game we made for the guys were they played basketball with their legs tied/ hands tied in a funny position/ leg tied to a chair. It was so freaking hilarious, even the basketballers who were training were starting with amusement.
Then came the match. At first I was pretty relaxed because the sky was overcast and everything. But it started raining and then it cleared up! Set up the diamond (thanks to all the guys who were scooping the rainwater from the pitchers plate for me) and started pitching but everything seemed so weird. Like, the fences were placed so much further back, and Ruixin was squatting further away from the homeplate, it looked as if my pitching distance had stretched! And it was wet weather and my entire circle was so freaking muddy i almost vomitted when i saw it. Was really bad. Sorry for the gazillion walks I threw.
and to think i actually broke down during the damn game. i just couldn't stand my self-inflicted pressure. it's just hard to focus knowing the entire game is dependent on you, and i can't screw up because i don't have any backups. and how everybody gets so damn tired just waiting for you to perform well. and how all the damned odds are against you and you lose focus and everybody seems to just lose hope in you. everybody. and yes "it's only a friendly" but it still doesn't mean that i can screw up. yea i know it's just consolation which i need desperately but it seemed so.. weird. it was all the guilt building up in me, and how i couldn't live up to what they expected me to do. it's just.. tough.
Had one of those "lectures" with Tong after the game. About my lack of metal composure and everything. well it isn't very easy to cope knowing i'm the worst possible player for the most important job.
happy thoughts happy thoughts
I love my team, though. How they still can put up with my lack of performance. christina, amanda, elsa, charmaine, xinpei, and ruixin, i love you guys all to bits. =) and thanks to grace and joyce too for helping us play. and thanks lihang, kok, nick and all the other people who helped me snap out of my negativity temporarily.
Anyway, trained a bit more after that, had dinner and got The Call from (not miss teo) Diana who told me that i was going to be an OGL!!! oh my gosh i was so freaking happy when i heard it. to think that i almost rejected the call! I always wanted to be an OGL and i'm really happy that i got it. i just love being around people. =)
watched remember the titans. pretty dry movie, but i do love NFL so it was pretty good.
Attempted to sleep in the rifle range but it was too.. boring. so we went up to the gym where they guys were and played soccer and mainly played daidee. got bored when the guys wanted to sleep so nick came down with us girls and played daidee til about 2. Went to sleep early because huge eyebags were developing on my face we had to wake up super early the next day.
Day 2:
Woke up at a shocking 5.45am to walk our asses down to kallang. i still can't believe that we actually walked there. talk about being cheapskate, haha. Was an estimated 10-12km. Crazy, but retardedly fun retarded. Hahahaha.
Went dragon-boating! Yay! Got my skin a nice shade of SUNBURN. Haha. Canoe-d for pretty long til my arms ached and went home.
And now I'm here, and am shocked to find my tagboard has gone completely bonkers!! Hahaha. Anyway I'm gonna go take a nice catnap and hope I won't have to wake up 'til... whenever. Haha.
My God, of all the dumb things to do. Jeepers, can you desperate losers please stop being so slutty? It's gross because I know he's definitely not into any of you, and some of you aren't even in the position for a damned relationship. So stop acting so freaking cute/cool to try and "impress" him because it sure as hell ain't working.
and yet somehow, i realize that you're the person that i've been pretending to be
Thursday, November 11, 2004
You can run your game but not on me
Yikes, really scared about tomorrow's friendly! Funny how they call it 'friendly' when I don't feel very relaxed about it. =/ Worst part is there's no other pitcher to save me. In fact, we don't even have a complete team. This is so screwed up.
Just because I don't show it, doesn't mean I don't feel it
Hope we get more "bonding" done during tomorrow's camp. So good day everybody, and once in my short life, I won't be blogging for a day. =) Bear with it. Haha.
I wouldn't want to open up to you
I don't even want to try
Too many tears may fall
So what if I cry
But they wouldn't matter to you at all
Wouldn't it ruin my beautiful makeup?
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Yay. Tired, again. Heh.
Training with coach was good. I'm serious, I can only pitch well knowing coach is watching. How dumb. Heh.
Turns out the girls'll have a friendly against crescent on fri. Shmits.
I really hope that the game won't end up like the one in last night's dream, where we didn't have a 3B and I had to keep running over to cover. =/
Went out for dinner at KAP with Elsa Amanda Pok Leon Sile Lichung. POK AND LEON FORCED ME TO EAT A HOT FUDGE SUNDAE. Hahaha.
Went home and pretended to be hungry. Haha.
EVERYBODY PLEASE GO FOR THE SENTOSA OUTING TOMORROW. HARBOUR FRONT 10.30AM.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
One day I'm gonna write a children's story book on the entire situation and entitle it The Whore and the Pimp
Phew, tired.
Mom threw a party last night. Kept the rest of us banished from the living room, except for me, the photographer. Hahaha. Nevertheless I took some pics so click HERE.
Today I went out with my Mom and Nicky to Jurong Point for some 2-4-1 Thai set lunch. Was really filling, and half the time I was crying because it was so spicy! Haha
Went to school for the OGL interview thing. Made a group with Rach, Zhiwei, Harry and Chermaine. Hope we did ok! But we looked so freaking retarded doing a "YAH" cheer softly because there were exams nearby.
Went to KAP with Nina, Angiee, Jo, Dria. Wanda and Pok joined later. We were doing such retarded stuff. Hahaha.
My silly bro and me.
Note how both my bros are extremely un-photogenic. Haha. =)
Monday, November 08, 2004
I hate you, Hitler. I hate you. And I hate myself for writing about how good he is.
Talk about hate, I think I just got my Mom thinking, in a bad way. I was watching some Maldives documentary and I thought about Mr Sim and next year's Maldives trip. So I casually told her about the trip. And I also very casually mentioned the price and her face turned black and she murmured a "We'll see".
I really really wanna go. And sorry, I'm not one of those Oh-I-Have-Enough-Money-To-Buy-The-Whole-World-So-I'll-Go-To-The-Maldives-Just-To-Prove-I'm-Freaking-Rich types because I'm not rich, by the way. I love the Maldives and I'd kill to go there. Or find a job. Which is totally annoying because I made arrangements for a job interview and 5-minutes later I got Michael's SMS inviting me to the OGL interview tomorrow.
I want to go to the Maldives. It's so tranquil and beautiful, just like Bali. Yet there's still Reggie who makes it seem as if going to Bali is like cannon-balling into a huge boiling pot of tar and piranas. Not that I'm teaching him how to enjoy his holidays or anything, but at least be a bit more appreciative. Well, that's what I've learnt from being poor.
Training today was pretty bad. My pitching was ho-rrible. But anyway, after pitching about 80, Andrew came along and said "HEY why are you pitching such a far distance?" Then he made me take about 4 steps forward and then I realized that that was my actual pitching distance!! Completed the remaining strikes in no time. Hahaha.
And Tong was around too. *roll eyes* And he'd come by and watch me pitching. And after every ball I pitch, he'd say, "Mmm, very good" and after every strike he wldn't say a thing. *roll eyes* Hahaha.
Can't think of a pleasant way of ending this off. Hehe. But basically, my legs are tired from pitching!!!
Still watching La Vita e Belle. Now I definitely cannot write my essay. My goodness.
Sunday, November 07, 2004
omfg girl, you gotta be deprived or desperate to actually be able to see something in him
Gross. Anyway today was a pretty slack day. Was having this beautiful dream about having many many cats when my younger bro woke me up =/ Haha. And then we both saw this huge pigeon perched up outside my window. Quite a freaky experience. Haha.
Oh yes, and the irony of all irony. I was watching La Vita e Belle (Life is Beautiful) when my Mom came in and told me how "uncheerful" I was now. Oh well. And to think, I'm supposed to write about how good Hitler is right after watching La Vita e Belle, a show about how oppressed and cruelly treated the Jews were. =/
But the movie's really good. It's such a beautiful and sad show. About this happy Jew guy and how he lives through Hitler's reign and the holocaust with such a positive attitude. I've watched this show twice before and it's so so beautiful. It makes me damn sad each time, but it's so beautiful. Sigh..
Anyway I went swimming with my Mom and Nicky. Played frisbee too. Haha.
Anyway, HAVE FUN IN JAPAN, JAPAN GO-ERS!!! While I sit here in Singapore, but I don't mind, really, as long as I have my pool and the sun and a part-time job and all my friends! =D
Gonna continue watching La Vita e Belle, it really really rocks! Everybody should watch it at least twice. =D
~~~~~
Omfg, I can't write my pro-Hitler essay anymore. La Vita e Belle made me cry, again. Shit, it's damn sad. I think I'm too easily swayed. Right before I watched the show, I was so convinced that Hitler actually did have some sense in his actions. Now it's completely pointless. =/
Everywhere I go
Everyone I meet
Every time I try to fall in love
They all want to know
why I'm so broken
Why am I so cold
Why I'm so hard inside.
Why am I scared
What am I afraid of
I don't even know
This story's never had an end
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been hoping
I've been dreaming you would come back
But I know the ending of this story
You're never coming back
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Yay. IP induction rocked!
Yesterday:
Went to school for the IP induction. It was really really fun! Went up to class to check out the juniors. At least some of them look.. normal heh. =)
Mass Danced a lot, half the time I was barefoot so now my feet are blistered and gross. Haha.
Tended to our stall with Wanda, Matt and Wenshu. Good job guys! It was really successful. Our game was Modified Dog and Bone. Which was extra fun because when we called out their numbers, we were *ahem* practising our aim by throwing tissue paper and pouring water all over them. It was so fun! And at the end of each game we'd call the class together to do a group cheer and then we'd get them all wet. =D
Oh yes, thank you to everybody who helped us clean our booth! We really couldn't have done it without you. =)
And while I'm on the topic of Thank-You's, thank you Vickyyy and Tinho/TianHao for the shirt! It's reaaaaaaally pretty! =D
And thank you Wandaaaaaa for the hair dye!! Now I can tell my mom that I'm morally obliged to dye my hair again. =D Oh yea and I'm sorryyyyy I couldn't go to your partay because I had training =(
Anyway, our juniors are really bimbo enthu! Haha.
Anyway, went out to play pool with Runyu, Bee, Matt, Wenshu, Shenxiang and Weishun. Woah, Weishun and Bee are super good at pool! =D
Played 2 hours worth of it then had dinner somewhere. Heh. Played cards with weird cards. Hahaha.
Today:
Trying to get my WP done. Bleah. Hahaha. =)
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
I'm going to recall all the happy thoughts and memories of today in an attempt to convince myself not to rant.
IP skit was pretty good. really successful. good job annabelle, and the rest of the actors. we really put in a fuck-load of effort so it's good to see it paid off.
Games Com was ok i guess. pretty disorganised but still fun. met a couple of new IPs who seemed decent. i'm never gonna bother being nice to bimbos. period.
thanks andre for the sultana croissant. it's really nice. i love sultana croissants! =)
thanks wenshu for the present you gave me. =) it's really cute and thoughtful. =)
everything after that went so fucking downhill. went back to class and played daidee. danced mass dance for a while. i was fucking tired by itself but i went for training anyways. did 100 strikes with ruixin. pitching whilst coach's around really helps.
miss ling was pissed off with us. got pretty annoyed with her and i think she could see through me. "if she doesn't wanna come for training then fine, we can do without her." my god, she doesn't know how to be rational. don't repeat the past by cutting all the "lousy" players and leaving us with 5 seniors.
started raining.
got home shit-tired. mom said i was "obsessed" with softball. god, i'm not obsessed. in fact i'm far from it. if i have to be obsessed, i'm obsessed with winning, because i don't want to be the sole reason for the team not getting top 3.
there's training tmr. so fucking tired. sometimes it just feels as if whatever you do isn't appreciated.
and god, i thought i was gullible. you can't pull the same stunt that many times. other people may fall for it, but i know i won't. you've done it on me, and i've genuinely tried to help. turns out it's just some sad cry for attention, which i won't fall for anymore.
finally, somebody sees through you the way i do.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
WHEEEEEEE today rocked. =D
Turns out, at about 2am, i started semi-consciously-sleep-walking. heh. Walked past my mom and she asked me when I was doing and i apparantly shrugged and said "i don't know". Hehehe.
Today was ok I guess. Really slack lessons. HOoray! =D Got let off half and hour earlier thanks to LKS (for once), watched the day after tomorrow, got back chinese grades (118/150. bleah), got back MI grades (19/25) and then after school we had this "talk" by mr goh.
MR GOH ROCKS!!! he really really does! he gave this really sweet speech that left most people (himself and myself included) in tears. makes you think about how badly we treat teachers and stuff. though some may truly deserve it. but he was really sweet. he even compiled a series of photos of us IP throughout the year, and even offered to burn a copy for everybody! it was really really touching. we love you mr goh!
anyway after that it was intensive rehearsals for our IP skit. it really really rocks, sorta =D i hope it goes alright! and i hope i don't trip during the mass dance and fall everywhere. haha. =D
Monday, November 01, 2004
Continuation of the love: =)
Thank you Adrianni and Charmaine for the pretty necklace!! =D Maybe it'll give me some of your chio-ness and uhh charmaine's tall-ness. =D
Thank you Rachel for the sweet box of cookies and the card! =D ilu! And they taste super nice btw! Even my older bro likes 'em *wink* haha
Thank you Franc for the chocs and the CHINESE-WRITTEN card!! It must've been so hard to write chinese man! hahahaha =D
And thank you Pok for giving me a BRUISED FACE. Hahahahahahaha =D
~~~~
Anyway today marks the end of all tests and exams for IP!! Yay! What a relief, we made it man!
Training after school was dismal. Started by raining. Which was rather pissifying. But I did get to bat though. Yay. Coach came! Then I started pitching and a certain somebody hit meeeeee!! hahahahahahahaha nah i'm just making it sound really bad. sorry poK! haha.
PLEASE NOTE THAT I WILL LOOK AS IF I HAVE A TUMOUR ON MY FACE TMR. IF SPOTTED DO NOT RUN AWAY. hahahahahaha.
I've been icing it and parsley-ing it (don't ask, nicky said that if i put parsley on my bruise it'll go away haha) ever since I got home. I'm goign to look like a retard during rehersals for the skit tmr!! Can you imagine? An aerobics teacher and an SCGS girl with a black face. Hahahahaha.
~~~~~
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA TALKING TO POK AND WEILING ROCKSSSSS. suddenly my eye doesn't feel that bad. hahahaha. ok fine it is but i'm not looking into the mirror. hahahahaha. THIS IS FUN. LIYAN THE BLACK EYED PEAAAAAA. LI-AR (coined by leon himself haha) and pok you better better get me an EYEPATCH!! hahahahaha.. I'LL BE THE PIRATE AEROBIC INSTRUCTOR!!! hahahahahahahahaha
Sunday, October 31, 2004
YAY I just pain-stakingly uploaded all the pics I took yesterday and today. So here they are! =D
oh shit, blogger refuses to co-operate with me. either that or my IT skills really suck. whatever. anyway, here are the links themselves.
http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=2654340093 <---here are the pics of the night of The Physicists. (Click for pics of really hot girls eg adrianni ferleen lina rach etc etc etc..) I LOVE YOU GIRLS. hahahahaha. =D
http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=2652385093 <--- here are the pics of today! THERE IS PEEEEEEACE IN THE WORLD NOW!! I LOVE EVERYBODY!! YAY!
No more hash-brownies mon!
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY TODAY ROCKED!!!
Oh yes, to add on to my Thank You list:
Thank you Jaja, Xiehuan, Franc, Vicky, Estelle, Jeremy, Bobo, Andre, Nina, Lina, Furlin, Charmaine and Huiwen! =D I love you guys!! *hugs*
Oh YES and thank you Mommy, Gege and Nicky for the shirt, slippers and SIMS 2!! =D
Anyway, had lunch, cut the cake, and went out with Shenxiang, Weiling and Grace to West Mall. Heh, was really fun! And there were these kids who were totally in love with our cameras. Until Grace scared them away by making scary faces. Hahahaha joking. =)
A lot more probably happened but I'm too busy doing the Damned IS07 brochure. Heh.
THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY WHO MADE MY BIRTHDAY SO HAPPY! I LOVE YOU ALL SO SO SO MUCH! <333
Happy Boobday me =)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY POK!
Yesterday rocked. Chinese exam sucked though. Anyway, went out with Wanda, Weiling and Grace to Clementi after it. Went home, attempted to swim only the water was really cold, fell asleep in the sun so I have this really ugly tan, and met Weiling on bus 188!
Oh yea and since it was raining when I left the house, I ran in the rain for about 5 whole minutes with only a sheet of newspaper to protect me. Genius. So you can imagine how retarded I looked when I reached there. haha.
Went to Clarke Quay MRT and met a lot of 03 and 01 people. Had dinner with 03 and Jeremy. Haha. Adrianni and Lina and everybody looked hot. Was really cool =) Anyway we looked pretty intimidating as a big bunch of rowdy people. Heh.
Anyway The Physicists rocked! It's really cool how they performed it. Pretty fresh ideas too. =D
Walked along the dunno-what-River. It was really pretty at night. I don't see myself saying the same in the morning. Haha.
Went to get drinks (non-alcoholic haha) at Harbourfront with Adrianni, Weiling, Grace, Rach, Reggie, Scott, Ghanesh, Matt and Shenxiang. Got a lift home from Weiling's dad. =)
Thank you:
Sharon and Runyu for the stuff toys and the earrings!! They're really really cute! =D
Tim and Thang for the wallet and pencilbox. It's really nice. =)
Yaya Mary and Rona for the jeans, belt and shoes!! =D
Uncle Mike and Grandma for sending me the cards and pics of your new house, and for the sms-es all the way from New York! =D
Oh yes and thank you (in order of appearance haha) Pok, Shenxiang, Saket, Gerard, Max, Hongyi, Rach, Kim, Tim, Adrianni and Wanda, Weiling, Estelle etc for messaging me and/or saying happy birthday! Sorry if I didn't reply some. I fell asleep because I was so tired. =/
I LOVE YOU ALL!! <333
Might be going out to go bowling later on. But for now, gotta do the damned brochure. Haha.
Friday, October 29, 2004
Bleah.
River model presentation today. Went pretty smoothly I suppose. I love you joanne!.. and uhh liangen. Heh.
WP presentation was crap. Considering it was 20% of the whole damn WP grade, I was chiong the damn thing throughout lunch. Good thing we got the skit done in time. =) It was pretty dumb though.
Bio. ... well, 19.5/50 for all those assholes who were ignorant enough to ask. as if my face wasn't black enough. 19.5. damn. and by the way i was sleeping i was just crying my eyes out in the softest way possible because i put in a fuck-load of effort for it. whatever. anyway it's pretty embarrassing for somebody like me to cry over something dumb like a grade, now that i think about it. but i still feel fucking lousy over it. i love you wanda, grace, weiling rach <3 oh yea and shenxiang too for his absolutely lame crap he keeps spewing that never fails to make me laugh =)
went to clementi with weiling and wanda. bought shoes. =) $15.90. damn.
off to mug chinese. good day.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Hmm. Haven't been updating lately because I was busy with studies, oh fine, who am I kidding, TV and other devices of slacking. Haha
Went out with Hongyi today! Yay! Thanks for going skirt-shopping with me! And oh my gosh I am never ever ever going to Queensway again!! So I was so happy and walking along right, and suddenly there's this huge picture of ruud vannistelrooy!! Like absolutely huge!! I never realized how absolutely alike we looked! Freaky! So I was just standing there while hongyi was laughing and i was laughing and then this guy just walks past and says rather loudly to his friend, "Oh my god she looks like vannistelrooy!" Like wtf? Hahahahaha, but I was thoroughly amused nonetheless. And I had to spend the rest of the time in Queensway with people noticing how alike we were. =S Hahahahaha. I want a ruud vannistelrooy jersey!! or even better, i'll make next year's jersey say VANNISTELROOY 10 on it or sth =D
oh and as we were talking about rather amusing things, this bus came along with this heinniken commercial on it with words that read: ALWAYS ENJOYED WITH A WORLD OF FRIENDS and on the back it said: OPEN UP. (Interpret this in whatever way you want. hahahaha)
Yay what a fun day. Can't wait til the Physicists! =D
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
So you've found somebody new. Good.
Training everyday isn't that bad, I must admit. I get to see my darling Lina training too! Hahaha. =) As long as I don't have to change into my PE uniform and back into full grey, I don't care. I've been doing my 20 strikes. I hate bragging but I think I'm getting better at it! (somehow)
*Tries to recall what I did today* Neaaaa not much. Went to cut my hair with Wanda after school. Wanda's amazed at how thin it is now =) Got on the bus home and I was sleeping, when I felt this tap on my shoulder, and I turned around and for the weirdest reason I thought the girl who was sitting next to me was Stef, so I started talking to her and about 10 seconds later I realized that that wasn't stef!! It was some girl I didn't even know! So I was left there, mouth agape. Hmm. Haha. She looked shocked, to say the least.
I wanted to go have a swim today but there were damned rain clouds. =( I think I'll go on Thurs. I've already got my "study schedule" but I doubt I'll even stick to it. Its just there for... psychological comforting.
Been trying to find a job these past few days. Half of them either want 16+, or they're completely commission-based, or something totally undesirable. How utterly.. frustrating.
Had a queer dream, to say the least. Emotional, but somehow still so comforting. i love you too
Monday, October 25, 2004
Yay. Did my first-ever morning training today. Wasn't too bad, I guess. Did 20 strikes just like that. =)
Rest of the school was pretty mundane so I left at 2 for a doctor's appointment. Ok fine, so I ponned school and went to the doctor to check out my ears. Heh. =)
And now all my Dad's diving friends are here! They're such a great bunch of people. =) Steve is huge! =D
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Heh, my bro's getting scolded because he put 2 major holes in the wall because of his darts. And me and my other bro made other numerous small ones. haha.
Finished my WP in about 10 minutes today. Shit I'm screwed. Heh.
Saw Zhang Zhen at coro when I was shopping with my mommy and bro. Heh, good thing I was in the car, driving away. =)
I gotta start bracing myself for the almost-daily morning trainings I'm gonna have for the rest of my life. What's the point, really. Why do I have to get less sleep, be more drained and lethargic during lessons just to compensate for being shit-lousy at pitching? It's not as if I'm going to improve by training 30 minutes at 7am. We're gonna be like freaking canoeists, minus their double champs title.
Sometimes I don't know why I even bother trying. I mean, wouldn't it just be so beautiful to strike everybody out? Yea, well it's also beautiful to have a tonne of money and to have my family back. Gotta keep training. Gotta learn to pitch consistantly. But really, that's not entirely possible. People will still have to field. And as proven, and as discussed with Hongyi, our fielding sucks. Don't you hate it when you see people screwing stuff up and you wish you could just go over and help but you just can't? Well I guess that's what people feel about my pitching too.
Whatever. Anyway, DAMN YOU RED SOX. Fuck, 11-9 win over Cardinals. Damn.
there you go again. please stop talking about money. My god, yes i know i'm poor, don't rub it in. yea you're rich, or at least richer than me, just stop talking about your past and how you could do this and that and this. i could too, by the way. in fact i was fucking rich in the past. in fact, i was probably richer than you. but now i'm not. zero income, in fact. so i'm poor. that doesn't prove that you're better than me in any way. so i want a job. don't sneeze at me. it just goes to show that i'm more independent. so i like not going to my mom for money. i'm not like you. i don't like going to my mom and demanding for money like you do, even if it's justified. i don't feel good. because my mom doesn't have much money either. so stop talking as if i was still in the past. i'm tired of laughing it all off. because the more i laugh the more i feel like a dumbass. a poor penniless dumbass. i'm not coping well financially. don't rub it in.
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Sorry for the outburst. I just can't stand being lousy at anything I do.
Anyway, I'll just try to recall what happened yesterday. Hmm.. Oh we almost got busted by BANG because we had this 3-hour free period because of SPIRE presentations. So me grace weiling rachel adrianni and wanda tried to leave school and BANG SAW US. and we were temporary mutes (what a contrast) and I thought i was going to die right there and then. then rach came up with a beautiful excuse. something so beautiful that i almost burst out in laughter but that wouldn't have been very nice. yay rach, we're the best spin doctors ever! anyway he said we had to ask our CT. so genius us had to ask teo. who gave us so many damn rules and shit to stick to that we decided not to go out in the end. we ended up playing pictionary and daidee and other weird stuff.
the rest was boring i guess. can't exactly recall what happened.
today was the chinese exam. hmm. heh. went out with shenxiang wanda grace rach weiling to clementi (grace volunteered to go. good job my clementi athlete haha) grace and rah have learnt the beauty of saving money by buying cheap food. haha.
supposed to do WP now but (as always) i'm slacking. oh, and i'm so fucking pissed because i called up this job like a million times and it was like perfect. and they were ok with my age and everything. and i called up yesterday to make an appointment for an interview and suddenly this bitch says "oh we only allow 16 and above". i almost exploded. urgh. so much for high hopes.
oh yea, and thanks kok, pok, weiling, "somebodi", charmaine, ferleen, "imposter", tim, "my bio test", dria, "(:" and rach for the really sweet messages. love all of you guys loads =)
Thursday, October 21, 2004
i'm tired
lying naked on the floor
not wanting anyone to pick me up
i'm broken
but i don't want you to give a damn
it's things like these that you can't understand
don't touch me
i've been provoked enough today
can't stand the pressure mounting out inside
do'nt grab me
as i walk away
i'm better off right here all by myself
wrote it on the way back home. was a really really bad day today. everything just mounted up and pretty much exploded while pitching today. sorry reggie. happy birthday weiling. bio test, disbanding, only pitcher, being alone, everything just.. collided together. and i didn't know how or when to start.
thanks hongyi for calling me on my way back.=) i promise i'll be better. and thanks pok and franc too. =)
as for my damned bio test, i'm going to study all night and i really mean all night. like what weijun does, minus the sleeping at 5. just.. non-stop.
and fuck, while we're on the topic of disbanding. we're gonna be training like bloody canoeists. training on mon, tues, thurs, fri. and the best part is they want to implement it tmr. like fucking tomorrow. when we have theh fucking test. and the best part is that elsa has to get all pissed at me because i'm IP. well fine screw me if you want, you just won't have a pitcher. whether i'm a good pitcher or not (as proven by today), it's a different story.
broke down during training today. too much was on my mind. whatever. it'll pass, as always.
on my 3rd cup of coffee. hope there's enough to last me the night. and FUCK i hate training now. what's the fucking point. we're not gonna win, on account that i'm the only bloody pitcher. busted my arm today pretty badly too. whatever. who cares.
gonna mug. only have 11 more hours till the test. have to manage time well.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
to make up for my shitty mood, here are the pics of NJ open day and mom's birthday.
What a happy family pic. =)
Now is this hilarious or woooot! =D
SOFTBALL BOOTH!! hahaha
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!
Haha. Lesson was, well, different. Much more slack today. =) Had our SPIRE presentation. Aw man, it really sucked. Oh well. Haha. Had less Math because Low had to go take photos or something. WP was quite interesting, I'm starting to grow quite fond of MacBreast MacBeth. Miss Teo thinks I'm.. queer, to say the least. Maybe I am.
Did a bit of the river model and it's turning out pretty good I must admit. Played daidee for a while. Went out with Weiling, Shenxiang and Matt. Went to Clementi, again. Slacked around in Macs.
Had dinner, and had Mom's birthday cake! Tastes good! Good job Wanda and Shenxiang! =D
And here I am trying to complete my IH thing. And I still don't fully understand the concept of Total War.
-----
You you you. It's always about you. I just can't stand it, when you whine, when you pout and get so irritating and you still expect me to go over and comfort you and be nice. It's plain annoying. You think it's pretty easy to stay happy 24-7. You think I'm just here to serve you. Well I have a life too. If you have to stay grumpy half your life, don't do it around me. So I'm easily agitated, big deal. It still isn't reason enough for you to call me short-tempered when you whine. This one-way "conversation" isn't working, where you just rant and rant and when I open my mouth you just don't care. You might as well just shut up.
And to you. You expect me to just wait around all day for you. You think that I'm just here for the fun of it. Well I'm not. I'm here, take it or leave it. If you don't want me then fine. I've gotten sick of you, anyway. Sick of waiting around, thinking about you, and hoping it's reciprocated. But no, it's obviously not working out. You're not thinking about me, and that I'm tremendously thankful for because I've learnt how absolutely childish and immature you can be sometimes you are. Don't think of me as giving up, it's more, letting go. Thanks for helping me realize what a jerk you are.
Sorry, I had to let it all out somewhere. Come to think of it, no, I'm not sorry. This is my blog and this is me and I'm entitled to feeling what I feel.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Heh. First time I didn't update daily. Anyway...
Yesterday
I can't remember what happened earlier on. But all I can remember is that there was my pizza-family-gathering. And Denise and Eugeneeeeeee came. Haha. Was really fun! I painted denise's nails black!! Gege almost had a fit =)
Today
Yay! Got back from Jurong Point with Shenxiang and Wanda and eventually Fung. Bought... stuff that makes shenxiang go crazy =D Oh yea and before that Wanda and I were being coated in mud for Ferleen's project. =D Quite amusing. I sooooooo don't wanna see myself in their presentation tmr!! Hahaha.
Speaking of which, I don't wanna present tmr! Sigh, we still haven't exactly completed our entire presentation yet. Oh well. Haha.
Tmr's my mom's birthday! Yay! Only problem is that I've already bought her cake and I doubt we'll have time to eat it and be fat!! =( She's going to some ABBA concert (Reggie eat your heart out) and I'd love to eat it before she goes to watch them but I'll be at training!! Damn, training has made my life miserable once more. =( But I sooo need to start training again! Miss pitching!
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Yay. I just finished doing my SPIRE presentation thing. yay for me. Hmm, didn't do much today, come to think about it. Watched the last inning of yankees vs red sox, yankees won 19-8!! hahahahaha.. so cool.
MUST TRAIN HARD MUST TRAIN MUST TRAIN.
oh yea, i have this model-friend-person. so whatever free modelled-clothes she doesn't like, she passes to me! hooray! hahahaha.. saves $$ man! hahahahaha.. ok that doesn't make sense..
sleeeeeeeeeepyyyyyyyyyyyyy ok what an absolutely pointless entry.
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Beat beat beat beat tired tired.
HAPPYZZ BIRTHDAYZZ GRACEZZ!!
Haha. Anyway, went to school super early for Open Day. Blew up balloons, hung banners, took out equipment yadayadayada. Taught people to bat and stuff. Was really good! Only it was really really exhuasting going around asking people to bat, and then teaching them and everything. Never got a lunch break. Leon treated us all to drinks though =) Guy's had a game after most of the Open Day. Don't know how it went. Heh. OH YEA I saw rachel and all the other softballer's from NY!! Yay! Saw Denise too, with........ *cough* Haha.
I probably missed out a lot of stuff that happened today, but I'm too tired to remember. Heh.
Was in a pretty bad mood throughout because of the previous day's reasons. A supposed PMS-hangover. Hahaha. Whatever. I'm through with it. All I have to do left is to study and go shopping later. =) Really beat. Sigh. Night.
Friday, October 15, 2004
Tired. Very tired.
Laughed/Freaked myself through school because of Grace and her "a friend.. like ben" and "i thought we were friends" and "bra... destroy" and other hilarious quotes from Willard.
Cleaned up the gym ie slacked around for Use Your Hands day. Spare me the lame 'use your hand' jokes. Heh.
Discussed a bit of Hydro and got some pretty good ideas out.
Painted the softball banners. It was so extremely exhuasting. Then again, why on earth would it be tiring to paint 2 freaking big banners with minimal people (thanks charmaine, franc and pok btw) and the rest of the lazy bastards slacking around, making the entire task much easier.
Now you're suprised that I'm pissed
You think I'm acting real tough
I think you're acting like a bitch
And this time I swear I've had enough
Thursday, October 14, 2004
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who have breakdowns.
I can't stand myself.
I have not studied a single thing for tomorrow's hydrosphere test. Like, not a single fucking thing. I'm on the verge of breaking down. But that would be pretty pointless. Shit. Skipped training just to mug. I mean, who the crap starts training right in the middle of all our tests and exams? I should publish a novel entitled Why J1s don't understand what the fuck the IPs are doing. I don't understand it at all. Whatever. And there's supposedly some match on Open Day. Shit. How am I supposed to pitch?! Am I going to just pitch and pitch and walk and walk and let the entire world see how fucking lousy I am? Fuck. And what about the millions of tests I'm going to be having in the next few weeks, since we're on the topic of priorities. I don't think my Procedures for Un-Fucking Li Yan will help very much. I can go on and on just planning what I have to do, and yet I can never do them. Expectations? Whatever. Fuck.
I feel... disorientated. My mind's whirling with a thousand problems, a thousand priorities, a thousand emotions and it isn't stopping. Why can't we just have a stress-free IP life. Yea, sure.
Focus. I can't let my feelings and my stress overwhelm me and my need to Study. I have to do well for this Hydrosphere test, against all the odds. I have to get a good GPA. I have to get into a good uni. I have to have a perfect life. Great, now all I have to do left is to get back to reality and to study fucking hard for this test, and somehow manage to scrape a pass.
Fuck.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh my legs are so extremely wobbly! It's so embarrassing. Especially when I walk down stairs, my knees collapse and I'd be on the verge of tumbling down.
Went to Jurong Point with Matt, Shenxiang, Wanda, Weiling, Rach and Wenshu after school. Oh yea, there was some Leadership talk today. Pretty interesting I must admit, even though I still think it wasn't worth my $10. Heh.
Anyway, watched The Exorcist - The Beginning with Matt, SX, Wanda Weiling and Rach without Wenshu because he went to get his IC done or sth. The movie was so freaky!! Packed with gore, cheap-thrills and long-term-thrills (I coined that up myself), virtually everything you'd need for a horror movie! 5 stars. It was so absolutely cool! And I am pleased to announce that I watched most of the movie, unlike Rachel who was hiding behind my jacket half the time. =) And halfway it was so freaky she started crying or something, and I saw it and I started laughing, and she started laughing and we both looked/sounded retarded laughing our heads off while hiding behind my jacket. hahaha. =)
Oh yea, thank you shenxiang and matt for buying my lunch. I'll pay you guys back once I find out how much the meal costs. =)
And that ended my day. Now I'm gonna start mugging for Bio and Hydro before all my other activities kick in. =)
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
i love training!!
Yay! Had my first proper training today! It rocked rocked rocked ROCKED. I love training! I love softball! Yay!
Did PT, but it still sorta worked because I was too busy mugging (fine, who am i kidding) going out and slacking that I've developed a mini-pot-belly and my stamina's gone to zilch.
Was pretty happy to realize that my stamina wasn't as bad as I had expected, but still pretty bad. Heh. Ran quite a bit, ran past my old old house again. such nice memories.
please let my bro get into stanford
Monday, October 11, 2004
Well, I think I won the award for pissing the most number of people off. God, am I that insensitive?
I feel queasy just thinking about it. I'm really sorry.
Maybe I should lock myself up in a room and study all day. That way my EQ-less self can stay out of trouble.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
Heh. I just realized that my need for blogging has simmered, but just to make sure none of you guys get heart attacks and require heart bypasses and what-nots, I'm blogging for the sake of blogging =)
Hmm, come to think about it, my life's getting boring!! Help!!! Heh. BUT I came up with 2 things to do in the future if I ever become a heart surgeon or something. Thought about it during IS1107 lessons. (I was actually paying attention!)
1) Find a way to use other people's (actually, it can be dead people, or sheep for that matter) arteries for heart bypasses instead of that person's leg artery without causing tissue rejection. I mean really, why do you have to use your own artery? Just find some other guy with the same blood type and poof, a free artery!
2) Find a way to conduct an angiogram without shoving the thing up the groin. Can't they they find another route to uhh.. stick it up? And why's the groin of all places used? Couldn't they just use the mouth or something? Or just shove a needle through directly!
I was dying to have a nice debate with my brother over the 2 ideas, only turned out it wasn't in his syllabus. =( Somebody save me! I think both my ideas are very plausible. =)
sitting here by myself
thinking of something to do
something, anything
to keep me from thinking of you
but you know it isn't not that easy
coz you're all that's on my mind
one thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind
i miss you
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Yay. Fun day, today. Then again, it's a freaking saturday, so it sorta sucks.
Went to school at 7.30am for some trip to Kallang for a Hydro thing. Woke up late (or woke up and just stoned in bed) until 6.30 and then shouted "Shit, I'm gonna be late!" And true enough, I was so scared of being late (mainly because I hate it when other people are late, so if I'm late, then that'd suck) that I actually took a cab to school. Cost me $7.10. Shit. =( All for the sake of being punctual. Sigh.
Anyway, Grace and I were in Kallang figuring out how to lower shit into the water and everything. It was a really funny sight. And throughout, Grace kept insisting that anybody who stepped on the beach bare-foot was going to get hepatitis. Heh. And when we were all done, Weiling and I were picking hermit crabs and clams from the sea. =)
Went to town with Weiling, Wanda, Grace, Matt and Shenxiang. Spent most of the time stoning around in Cine. Finally we decided to watch White Chicks. It's a freaking hilarious movie. Everybody has has has to catch it! Fucking hilarious. =)
Went home after that. There goes my $30. =( What an expensive day. Damn that taxi driver. And the temptations of a hilarious movie. =( Heh
Friday, October 08, 2004
YAY just got home from going out. I just realized that I've been going out waaaay more than neccessary. Especially now. Hmm. Must be the attraction of all the cats in clementi! hahahahaha.
Anyway, fell asleep during Hydro and I felt pretty bad abt it. =(
Managed to finish SPIRE before 12.20 though. Good job everybody! =D Anyway, saw Mr Sim in the G.O so I decided to talk to him about my brother's US college application and what not. He's really a sweet teacher. =)
Anyway, Mrs Fung was really really pissed off with us. And that's when genius me realized that I03 supposedly had 'a reputation' amongst teachers. Heh, blur me =) Anyway, things got better towards the end of the class I guess.
Went out with Weiling Wanda Shenxiang matt Wenshu after school to Jurong-somewhere. Ate at LJS and I rang the bell! Hooray! Went to look at pirated computer games. Was very very tempted to buy Maddan 2005 for my bros. And some stupid fishing game too. Only I realized I was (once again) out of cash. Hmm. Heh.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Heh, second time blogging in a day. Taking another break from SPIRE. It's way way tiring. and i'd like to congradulate myself because my ass has yet to dissolve! hooray for me. heh.
Really sleepy, and i don't intend on drinking coffee because it'll stain my teeth. we pretty much chiong-ing the SPIRE report. Reggie's working on the thing now because i've done my bit for the night. and by the way reggie just because i don't want eyebags it does not mean that i'm a bimbo. gross. i don't prance around shouting "i love real madrid!" do i! =D
Mustttttttt stayyyyyyy awakeeee.
It took me great discipline to not blog because i was very very busy with SPIRE. been doign it for 3 hours straight and i think my ass is goign to drill a hole through the chair if i don't stand up. heh.
Let's see, what happened in school today. Oh yes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DRIA DEAR!! *muak*.. or rather.. *smooch smooch* you better keep my sms for eternity!! hahahahaha yay!! =D
nothing much happened, really. hmm. haha. rushed home after school to do stupid spire.
MUST STAND UP BEFORE MY ASS DISSOLVES.
good day =)
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Hellooooo! i've already gotten over my permanent depression. reality's waaay too harsh for me now.
BUT just to add on, heh. math test was actually really easy i just didn't learn bearings and composite functions. almost got a panic attack. hmm. MI test was pretty ok i guess, though i don't particularly think i'll do well either. heh..
i wanna be an actress! me and rach will run away and become professional actresses. and grace can act as/naturally be matilda!! hahahahahaha
went to grace's house after the test! yay! went with adrianni weiling wanda rach and shenxiang joined us after a while. watched harry potter! hahaha, and i ate mini grapes too. =D
Monday, October 04, 2004
Went to Heeron with Wanda after school. Tried to buy something only I was 40 cents short. I almost tore my hair out. Then as I was leaving Heeron, this woman approached me and gave me this 10-minute survey. Was hoping that I could sell the little 'toy' they gave me for 40 cents. =(
Still hooked on to Plain White T's. They're a really good band.
Went through my inbox later on in the day. Found it so hard to just let go of everything. Of all my emotions. Just like that. I cried quite a bit, mainly because of stress you put on me, the stress i put on myself, and also because my eyes hurt because i was thinking about all of it. To think, we used to be so much closer. But it's all gone now. You're gone, and now the memory's gone. I hate my sentimental feelings. But the reality still sinks in. Not that I wanted to erase everything. I had to. It'd hurt too much later. Why didn't I stay ignorant? Why did you have to leave? don't say goodbye, I can't take it I feel so... reduced without you. I've become so overly-attached to you that I've even started to disgust myself. i'm sorry but what would that mean to you?
And it makes me wonder, is it worth changing myself to be like her? because you've already proven that i'm not worth much in your eyes. because you love her. and i want you to love me. but you won't. i want to be like her. i want you to love me the way you love her.
i disgust myself sometimes.
why do you have to do this to me?
hurhurhur. in school now. and i officially conclude that lalalallaa is a complete complete bitch. can't list names now because she may just end up peering over my shoulders like she usually does. very inverse. heh. and just so she knows, i'm gonna redo my work because i think it was pretty damn good. too bad if she doesn't believe i'm penniless. (no laughing grace) when i become the mafia boss i'll make sure she's dead, and single. bitch.
anyway i really don't know what i did wrong! so confusing. don't add on to my stress, please.
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Whee~ seoul garden! hahaha. Super fun. Weiling, Wanda, Shenxiang and I went. Grace came later. And at the end of it, we made really really gross foods and dared each other to eat it. Heh, gross.
And as usual, I took lots and lots of pics!!! hahahahahaha
if you tell her you love her,
tell her you told me that too
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Change the 'he's to 'she's and it'd be perfect. I just realized something, why is it that I only here guys singing about their screwed up relationships? Anyway, this song really rocks =)
Plain White T's - Penny
What's your car doing outside his house?
it's 3 o'clock in the morning
When you left me you promised
there was no one else
At least that was your story
Well ok, I know I'm not perfect
but what makes him so fucking cool?
He's just another little punk
like the rest of them
The kid's just another tool
I guess he's perfect for you
Why are you two alone at his house?
you told me people would be over
Then you lie right to my face
you try to tell me you didn't drive over
Well ok, I know that you're lyin'
I saw your car with my very own eyes
Why would you lie about something so stupid?
unless you've got something to hide
I think you do
I guess he's perfect for you
Don't try to explain, don't try to deny it
I don't wanna hear anymore of your lyin'
I can see the way you talk to him
and that's enough to make me hate the kid
So when you find out that he's a dick
don't come crawling back
Why are you always over at his house?
what the hell do you do there?
You're tellin' me that you don't mess around
and I'm telling you that I really don't care
Well ok, go have your fun
go out with Penny if it's what you gotta do
But if you tell him that you love him
Make sure he knows that you told me that too
Yeah, you told me that too
I guess he's perfect for you
Thought I was perfect for you
I guess he's perfect for you
Found this while I was researching for my WP assignment. It's referring to Launcelot and Guinevere. (One, two, three, awwwwwwwwwww)
As fast she fled thro' sun and shade,
The happy winds upon her play'd,
Blowing the ringlet from the braid:
She look'd so lovely, as she sway'd
The rein with dainty finger-tips,
A man had given all other bliss,
And all his worldly worth for this,
To waste his whole heart in one kiss
Upon her perfect lips.
Anyway I heard that shenxiang's been LS-ing the whole day/night. Hehe. I'm rushing my WP now. Heh. CAMERA'S ARE PROHIBITED FROM THE CLASSROOMS ON MONDAY
Friday, October 01, 2004
quick quick update. bro turned off the lights to chase me out. hurhur. so here are the pics! LSLSLSLS! =D
Hurhurhur. I sit in the class during SPIRE now, awaiting all the ice cream cones i'm gonna eat in a few hours. scared scared scared.. haven't LS yet. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHA. wanker. reggie's reading this shit. hurhurhurhurhur. he's reading it out loud. wanker wanker WANKER WANKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hurhurhruhrurhur.
sorry matt sorry matt i love you TNT. hahahahahaha. man, she looks like shit now. like really really real shit. hurhruhruhrurhurr.
tempted to eat my pretty shit looking apple crumble but must starve myself so i can win shenxiang later. for the sake of... well... me. hurhur. and poor matt too. SORRY MATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!! =(
lalalalalalallalaallaalallallalalaa. fat cheeks. bum eyes. plastic vicar. velcro face. why are you chaps playing in my weewee?
Thursday, September 30, 2004
OH MY TIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTOOOOOOOOOOOO???
tian ah, tian ah! stupid shenxiang! it's all your fault!! stupid 25 cent icecreams!! stupid bets!! stupid shenxiang!!!! hahahahahaha but i still think that i can win. i must win!! waaaaaay too much is at stake!! besides, i wanna see SX kiss lucinda =) sorry lu!!
hahaha. i'm dead. must go LS and eat seaweed *wink* I'LL SEE YOU TMR SHENXIANG!! hahahahahhaha die!
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
do whatever you want
i'm nothing in your eyes
don't pretend for me anymore
i can't stand the lies
my little fantasy, my pile of dirt
destroy it for all i care
it was built for you anyway
why bother when you're not even there
So disgusted. At you, at myself. There's so much I want to say, yet i can't. because of how people would look at me strange, or worse, show pity. i can't stand your insensitivity. not that you ever cared about me. i just wish, i just wish that you did. and it's killing me. i dreamt of the two of us together. it was so beautiful. you looked so.. perfect. but gluing my eyes shut won't make you a better person. ignorance won't make you look any better, or make you treat me any nicer. why are you so cold? why did i have to create such a perfect image of you. why did you have to ruin it. i wish i could just retreat from it all, because the more i think about it the worse i feel. so many problems flying around in my head, yet i have no energy to solve them all. and why did you have to become one of them? for what it's worth, i like you. and what is worse, i really do. i hate you, but i love you, but i hate you. don't ever leave me. don't hurt me. why does this have to be so hard? it's just a part of me that finds letting go so hard. don't leave me, i'm sorry. you've already reduced me to this, don't walk out on me.
i'm sorry for what i am. sorry for what i've done, or what i didn't do. i'm so lost. help me, because i hate being the damsel in distress. i wish i could help you, but i'm feeling so helpless, how am i supposed to tend to your every beck and call? what am i supposed to do?
just when everything seemed so bleak, i thought you'd come to save me
but you didn't
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
yay quick quick update before i scream at myself for slacking for SPIRE (:
Went out with SX and weiling today! Went to orchard for furlin's cousin's free movie tickets + write a movie report thing. haha. so we went there, realized that there only were 2 tickets, so i lent weiling my/grace's jeans, then begged him for another ticket, then i took back my/grace's jeans and weiling went in wearing my bro's beautifully huge jacket, because school uniform wasn't allowed.
Oh yes and thank you shenxiang for treating me to LJS!!!! i'll prob pay you back.. when i lose to you at the eating competition in seoul garden. hahahahaha. =(
Anyway, watched art of the devil and i am pleased to say that i wasn't afraid. hmm, ok scratch that. but i really was less afraid than during one missed call. every now and then i'd accidentally claw at SX because the lights in the movie would suddenly turn off or there'd suddenly be an angmoh (?) ghost behind the girl. hahaha.
helped SX look for his lost ezlink card which was beneath the leather chair he was sitting on. now we just have to do the movie review. hmm.
went home to find alroy at my house, and the rest of the family waiting for me to come home so they could eat dinner. *malu*
and now i'm gonna stop crapping and continue with SPIRE. good day.
Monday, September 27, 2004
ROAR i've been feeling very shitty, but it's all part of the game of growing up. hurhur =) guys are stupid, really throw stones at them. it's almost impossible to find real guys who actually understand girls, and let their feminine side show. but no gays please! hahaha.. sometimes, it's just really really embarrassing to talk to guys about stuff, which is usually why you talk to girls about it. hahahahaha.. feministic guys are fun. =)
anyway, most of the day was wasted because all the teachers were on course. hooray. i'm so so so so so tempted to buy those really funky pasamalam shorts that really don't look auntie (trust me, it's very hard to find non-auntie shorts hahaha) only i need to save up for the octo-babes' presents.
yea it sucks to look back at what i had/what i was supposed to have and reminise about it and then you're forced back down to this reality where you don't have jackshit. this sudden transaction is almost... frightening, really. it sucks to be poor. i wish i had everything i used to have, and i wish i had everyone i used to have. i wish i had everything back the way it was. please don't start about how change is good and how we'll all have to change eventually but this is different. and i know you don't accept it too. people don't usually accept these changes this easily. it's tough and i miss you
back to reality
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Hellooooo! Have been in a really cheerful mood these days, despite the workload. My bro's friends just came over and baked really nice cookies =D Was almost forced to go swimming just now but it was a good thing my mom saved me, and my bro finally caught on to it. heh. So the 2 went down without me, despite offers for me to just go down and sit there.
There really is quite a bit of work to do, but they're all such big assignments that i don't really wanna get started on them. hehe. so i'll respond to my tags. sorry i take so long to respond to 'em, but my comp's been laggy and i've been lazy =D Oh yes! Bobo wrote back!! haha
Tags
pok: hahaha btw i sometime post twice because my computer gets screwed up and i click 'publish post' about a million times. hahahhaha
rach: haha don't worry dear, remember, practice makes perfect! so keep ponning! =D and if you suddenly don't feel like ponning, i'll ask shenxiang to check it for you. HAHAHAHA =D
wanda: wandaaaa!! yes!! we'll have a wild wild west gang and we'll go to clementi everyday!!! hahahahahaha so exciting!
adrianni: technically, it isn't really an 'again' because of somebody's *stare at wanda* false broadcasting hahahahahaha
xiehuan: aw dang. and where are all the videos of us actually doing gym? i still don't know how high my da kuai tiao is.. ahahahaha
grace: hahahahahaha i cannot believe that miss wong said 'i really like the toxic to acidic part!' hahahahahaha.. hope that translates to 'i'm gonna give ya full marks because you guys sing really really well!" hahahahaha
pig: hahahahaha nonsense. oh wait, of course, i'm vannisterlrooy! (is that how you spell it? heh) i can do everything! hahaha
kok: hahaha how the crap would i know anything about soccer? hahahaha. oh yea, and when the ball rolled off the field (ie where i was), i tried to kick it back to them but it stopped rolling halfway. =(
juuuuu: hahaha.. like a red day! let's go watch another movie!!!.. that doesn't involve candy or missed calls! =D
weiling: hahahahaha.. aren't you honoured that you were the first to know! =D
dan: hhahaha yesss!! i miss gymmmmmmmM!!
lina: hahahahahahaha.. why, thank you! =D now i can start giving grace lady-lessons! =D
charmaine: what's that?!! i'm number eight?!!! OUTRAGEOUS!!! and i'm not referring to britney spears!! my antelope!! how can you degrade me to an 8?!! hmphhh!! *run away crying*
luuuuu: hahahahahahahaha... i like orangeeeeee!! hahahahaha.. they're super troublesome to pull up and down but they're so pretteeee =)
thang: heyyyy what's that supposed to mean! ohmigosh, my template ran away so i'm left with this blue one. and btw i'm not racist unlike you. heh.
'choy': -__-" ghanesh/tim, stop that! i'm just a block of fuck. HAHAAHAHAHA
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Helloooooooooo!! hahahahahaha..
Today marks the start of my fanclub. hahahahaha, and also, SX's monthly hahahahahahaha.And sorry wanda, because this piece of news would sound.. repeated. heh.
anyway, msged weiling and grace when lalala.. then i met them in wheelock, together with justine, SX, rachel, cath. watched one missed callwas clutching onto grace the whole while, and vice versa. was very very very scary but didn't really catch the cheesy story line.
went to clementi wild wild west area with SX, cath and weiling.bought nice cheap cottoncandy. cath's was purple.. as usual =Dheehee..
what a fun fun fun day!
congradulations, jubilations!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo~! heh.
Been thinking about having a house-warming 'party'.
Hmmm.
Dunno lah see first =D
Stuff I need to do:
- SPIRE!!!
- WP ass x2
- tidy up room
- make IS1106 + 7 notes
- think abt halloween party!!
- buy presents =S
and you know what the best part is?
i haven't started on any!
hooray for liyan.
31st 31st 31st!! =D
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Hey. Feeling a bit better these days.
Went exploring around clementi with weiling and wanda today. pretty fun. shared a chicken-thing ($1.30/person), a Mr Soft-tee ($0.30/person) and got an ice-candy thing ($0.20). =D Love you guys!
Weiling came over to my house! Actually, she only came in because her hands were sticky and her bus didn't arrive. Heh. Called Wanda and SX. It's really hilarious to talk to shenxiang!! and matt and luuuuu =D
so tear me open, pour me out
because you don't care how you hurt me
Sorry.
Was feeling depressed while writing the last post.
and thanks you guys
Really means a lot to me.
=)
Was listening to Metallica just now.
Found 2 very nice songs
Fade to Black and Until it Sleeps
Won't post lyrics here because
people might think i'm goth
or suicidal.
Either way, they're really nice songs.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
and as promised, the pics!! =D
you know i'm such a fool for you
Heh. So I realized that I can blog more than neccessary. My brother has learnt to accomodate other people in his room while he studies. But it isn't very nice anyways. Heh. So here I am in BYTZ, once again. WAS supposed to pon chinese but a certain somebody didn't want to pon with me so I went for the damn double period crap. HMPH. haha.
Since I still am extremely bored, I shall reply to tags:
adrianni: hahahahahahaha really really tap! my bald beauty. HAHAHAHA =D
miss phua: oh goodness me. harharhar.
"choy": yea har har har too.
juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu: hahaha uhhh? yea i made the template myself!! =D i'm so pro man!! hahahaha
pok: hahahahaha.. yea i know! figured i'd try something else for a change.. oh yea and don't get sick you! better recover soon! =)
ffffffffffffff: hahahahahahahahha fine you're just IRREGULAR. hahahahaha and i have 2 colours in my room!! they just change colour!! hahahahahahahaha better than brown/white!! =D
tim: ha! i finished it before you did!! but the quality of the work is a different story.. hahahaha
charlyn: hiiiiiiiii!!! yay!! i miss my bear-bear! let's stay over and make spaghetti/green-pea-that-tastes-like-chicken soup again!! =D
emmi: hey girl!! no sweat.. hahaha. =) take care!
~grace: hahahahaha.. it should be hi lady because i'm a lady who needs mon-ay. read it.. it rhymes!! hahaha
thang: yea but mine isn't accessible which sucks. thus i resort to BYTZ and playing monopoly with my bro as my sad pathetic form of entertainment. hahahaha
wanda: oh goodness! what's this! a tag without phrases like 'i'm not a girl.. dum dum dum dum' and 'spread my wings'!! hooooooray!!! hahahahaha
good day. =D
You don't care, do you. Because it's all about you. you you you. When you're pissed or hurt or whatever, it's always me you come to for comfort, for condolences, for everything. Have I ever gone to you to share my pains? Never. I’ve been so accommodative, so… giving. It’s not as if I don’t like giving. In fact, I like giving. I like helping people. But it reaches a point where I exhaust myself just by trying and giving and trying and trying, trying and giving just for you, that I just get so tired. But if I give up, if I don’t support you, you say I’m selfish. That I’m too caught up with myself. I’ve tried to make everything work for you, just so that you’d be happy. You don’t know how tiring it is. To see you everyday, to have this look of concern which I genuinely used to have, until I got the feeling that you were… using me, that you were only talking to me, seeing me, just so that you could benefit yourself. What do you expect me to do? Should I even care about what you want me to do? Why do you have to put me through all this?
You’ve exhausted me and now I don’t know what to think of you. I feel like just giving up. I feel like just telling it to your face. I feel like shrivelling up into a corner to mock myself, to laugh at myself because of how stupid I look. I feel so.. stupid just feeling this way. The answer’s already obvious enough, I need to be strong, pick myself up, and leave. But I’m afraid of losing you.
I wish I never developed these feelings.
Monday, September 20, 2004
Another quick update. Heh. In BYTZ now, don't ask why =D Here with Weiling, Rach and SX and there used to be thang. bored bored bored. somehow, the computer's gotten boring. heh.
And i realized that my new house's like a huge boarding school. i don't have a TV (it hasn't been plugged up yet), no computer (can't go in coz my bro's always studying), no food (mom doesn't allow me to bake yet boohoo). There's just a desk in a colourful room (MUST emphasize that point heehee) and a shitload of books and assignments. haha.
But i still love my house. yay for me. Oh, and my bro realized that my room 'changes colour'. In the morning/early afternoon it's this bright yellow colour, and at night it's this really funky greeen colour. MY WALLS ARE ACTUALLY CHAMEEELEEEEONSS (stupid weiling kept spelling it as 'liyan') IN DISGUISE!
oh yay pok and thang just joined us. now we're just very bored people. heh.
ohmigosh i'm bored. hahahahahahaha.. everybody's doing their IH nonsense. while i'm slacking away. harharhar. good day
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Hello. Quick update before I get thrown out of my bro's room. (I'm only in here because I have to finish up my humans essay).
My room is officially box-free!
Haha. Took me the whole damned weekend but now it's nice! I'll upload the new pics of my house when i can be bothered. haha. and i set up my nice aquarium and the fish look happy =)
Tags:
kok: hey thanks man. don't worry, when you study for prelims, you're bound to lose weight. =) good luck for 'em! and bring me clubbing some day! =D
grace: *snort* helloooooo my new house rocks!
adrianni: hahahahaha this is my early b-day present! it costs $490,000 + $100,000 for renovations! my mom must love me alot! =D
fffffffff: hahhahahaha sorrieeeeee i promise i'll eat more in the future =D
wanda: hahahahahahahaha crazy girl =D
juuuuu: hahahahaha yay!!! =D new houses always rock hahahaweiling: heeheeee you'll be the first guest into my house k? heehee.. so exciting! but i doubt i still remember how to get home. it's 154 right? haha. let's try the 151/156 way some time! =D
rach: hahahha yay i'll try to get some house-warming thingy. even though i feel that my house is already warm enough.. considering my room's a bright green!!! =D hahahahaha i'll eat, i'll eat.. haha. and i'm am officially cramps-less! hahahahahahahaha
thang: oh dear i see another shenxiang in the making. hahaha. i'm not black!! my blog is!.. hmm.. ooookay. that sounds.. weird. hahahaha
xiehuannnn: helloooooooooooooo hahahaha see? i bet if i re-took ITE i wouldn't get another F! =D goodie! i'll see ya on mon or sth! =D
sharon phua: -__-"
off to tidy up my room. toodles~ (i always wanted to say that hahaha)
Saturday, September 18, 2004
The lyrics are incredibly cliché, but it's pretty much what i'm feeling now, other than the extreme fatigue i'm experiencing from staying up and unpacking boxes.
Dido - Thank You
My tea's gone cold
I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
the morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
it reminds me that it's not so bad
it's not so bad
I drank too much last night,
got bills to pay
my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today
I'm late for work again
and even if I'm there,
they'll all imply that I might not last the day
and then you call me and it's not so bad
it's not so bad and
I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life
Push the door, I'm home at last
and I'm soaking through and through
then you handed me a towel
and all I see is you
and even if my house falls down now,
I wouldn't have a clue
because you're near me and
I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life
it hurts me because you think of me as 'just another person'
NEW HOUSE NEW HOUSE!
hahahaha.. my room's GREEN and the curtain's ORANGE and i think i'll go blind once the sunlight shines through. haha. but the computer's in my bro's room (which is a horrendously dark blue colour.. actually this blue's starting to grow on me) so i guess i'll be blogging a lot less, because once i step in i'm continuously reminded that 'this is the BOYS room'. so.. yea.
my room really really really rocks. you'll never fall asleep in it because it's so bright, and you'll never stay awake in my bro's room. hahahaha. YAY.
off to set up the fishtank and to unbox everything!
Friday, September 17, 2004
ahhh what a sucky day. it's 8am, and i woke up at 2am because i heard some 'voice' singing like michael jackson every 5 seconds that was driving me crazy! and i woke up at 7.45 but i heard my maid say '7.15' so i kept sleeping. and i had cramps and i have eyebags and i totally did not want to go to school with a bagful of cardboard for bio. and my mom wouldn't drive me. and my stomach hurts really really really really bad cramps.
the only reason why i came to school was because i want to pitch at the end of the day, and also because i don't know how to go home later. heh.
anyway, went to grace's with rach and sx yesterday after school. played taboo.. very tappppp. mom came to pick me up, picked up gege (who got this really good testimonial from his principal because he's an angmoh too.. why isn't virginia cheng as approachable?!) and picked up KFC and ate it on our cardboard chairs and tables.
and now i'm here. and i'm feeling very very very sorry for myself because i am in immense pain. =( but pitching will make it aaaaaall better =)
Thursday, September 16, 2004
first off i had to apologise for being a complete bitch today. i'm very very sorry. just that i had a lot of things on my mind and i was having a bit of difficulty coping with it and all. sigh..
and by the way my problems have nothing to do with food. i just really wasn't hungry =) but you would be pleased to know that i got home and i ate pok's sandwich and a chicken pie and now i'm eating fruits. now i'm gonna put on weight and it wont' be because of 3 babies! =D and by the way, i'm very very pleased to announce that i've finally crossed the 40kg barrier. =)
anyway, moped around after school because i wanted to pitch but it started raining once school ended. so i was moping around and finally when the sky cleared up i wanted to go home but they wanted to pitch so i pitched. and thanks lina, wnda, weiling, nina, feifan, angela, pok, tim, reggie, thang, smoochie, grace and rach for putting up with my grouchyness =) and thanks pok for buying me the sandwich. and tim and reggie for catching for me. =)
got home and found my house in boxes. like, literally. it was really quite frustrating because it was loud and nicky's friends were around and everything was just so crammed and irritating. and there i was, just about to open my mouth to scream in frustration and then i see my mom who's stuffing stuff into boxes and smiling and i wonder why the crap i'm the one complaining when my mom's doing all the work. so i helped out with the packing and it's really really tiring. i love my mommy.
hope everything will be better tomorrow..
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
isn't the internet such a beautiful thing? you can falsify your emotions and appear perfectly happy when you're actually crying your eyes out, so people are just assured that you're ok.
spent the last hour or so feeling sorry for myself. it's just that recently i've been feeling so low that it's starting to bother myself of all people. so i spent my time gorging myself on chocolate and splattering black paint all over my desk. i feel as if there's this hole in me and everytime i merely think about you i get so frustrated and fed up that the hole just gets bigger and bigger. and i don't know when this is going to stop, but i feel so helpless and.. downright pathetic. my world isn't as beautiful as it used to be.
i don't know what i've done to myself. everything's nauseating. i'm tired of trying, just so tired. i feel so numb, and i don't know what to do about it. i have a headache and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. everything's collapsing just as you need my support, and i have to put on this beautiful front just for you.
how am i supposed to help people when i can't even help myself?
Yay! Liyan is happy. school was extra draggy today but it didn't matter. haha. played daidee during break too. whee!
went out with grace and wanda today to far east. ate half-priced waffles ($3) and shared fries and a sprite cock coke. the I01 guys + reggie were supposedly there and apparantly tried to call us but we didn't notice. train your vocal chords til they're like mine!! haha.
and now i'm here. i'm so excited!! i'm moving this friday. it's so cool!! to clementi.. but hey, i'm gonna have a really really cool room! it has bright green walls with a bright orange curtain with a bright pink carpet! isn't that so extremely cool? *smiles*
oh and by the way, studying makes people grumpy. and it isn't just me for a change.
oh yes I PITCHED SO VERY MANY STRIKES TODAY!!! i'm so extremely happy!! and yes sorry reggie for injuring your ankle. heh. but i'm really really really happy!!! i don't care, i'm going to pitch (almost) everyday until i become like yuka!! (ie i'm never gonna stop pitching)
ta~
Monday, September 13, 2004
how can you still smile when so much is going on?
pretty tired now. eyes hurt, don't know if it's from reading the secret dreamworld of a shopaholic, or from watching i am sam, but whatever it is, it hurts. and i'm very very lethargic these days.
there isn't much to say so i'll just go on to the
Tags:
Dria: haha, titanic's to sappy, but i know moulin rouge is really a "no-fail weepie" haha =)
Rach: hahahaha, i love you tooooo and don't worry, see how easily homework can be copied done? =P
Guy/guy2: ha, right. =)
Pok: haha, poor thing. don't worry about letting your feminine side out! =)
Thang: i know, which makes it extra sad. hmph, you'd cry too if you watched it! =(
Wanda: sad movies are (for some reason) the best type. they just make you wanna cry and cry and cry.. haha
Grace: hahaha, love you GRACE =D and it's so super sad!! i was crying and crying and crying and both my bro's thought i had gone nuts. hahaha.
Speaking of which, i was watching 3/4 of Farenhein 9/11 (thanks grace for sub-consciously making me watch it haha) and it's so extremely sad. and to think, for most of my life, i was on bush's side. hmm, certainly gives you a lot to think about. so, USA went to war with Iraq because they didn't want to attack afganistan. so iraq's completely innocent (?). isn't it amazing horrendous as to how people can influence the public into thinking that Iraq was truly the "bad guys"? sigh..
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Oh my gosh. I am sam is by far the saddest movie in the world. i was watching til halfway i got thrown out because my bros wanted to play xbox. but it's so extremely sad. i was crying throughout. and there was like.. one part.. where it was like the lawyer took on his (sam's) case because everybody thought she was superficial. and it was like..
lawyer: i don't know how do deal with you. you're.. you're.. a retard.. no.. uhh.. disabled.. urgh i don't know what to call you
sam: just call me sam, i am sam.
i think it was so beautiful. and this movie made me think about so much. like, why are the disabled looked down upon? i mean, just because they're different? they're not even different. they're still human.
and there was one part where his little daughter said "daddy, why are you like this? did God make you this way special or was it by accident?"
what a sad show. everybody has to watch it. it'll move you one way or the other.
Ah. So tired. Quick summary of my night.
Went to KAP to eat with Grace. Saw squid sitting with an imaginary friend hahahahaha. told him we were going for a yoyoma (?) concert. haha.Went to NY for some bonesetter nonsense that was pretty darn boring. OH!! i saw mrs seah and we were talking and she said sth along the lines of "I know the HOD of IT there in NJ" and me and grace were coughing and laughing and we were in total shock And we were like.. tan ngee tiang?!! and she was like.. "oh yes.. she and I go A Long Way Back" and I was laughing so hysterically that she thought i had gone nuts. hahahahahaha.
some stuff happened during the intermission but i won't blog about it. =) anyway, so me, grace, SX, justine and mitchell (is that how you spell it?!) went to KAP for supper and got home by 11. and i didn't kena by my mom! hooray. hahaha
Dreamt about going to mars and looking at living conditions of aliens, and hiding behind a sofa in the alien's house. ... yeeeeeeeea
Went to brunch with the family today. ate a super duper lot. hooray for me. i think my stomach's getting fat.. unlike grace's hahahahahahaha =D need to do crunches and stuff. ahhhhhhhh i miss NY were we'd have to do so many fu ji's that we'd be in so much freaking pain, and we'd do so many frog jumps that we'd end up falling down the stairs.. ahhhh. need to start my personal training stuff. hmm..
Oh yes, this is a very important announcement!!
DO NOT CALL MY HANDPHONE ANYMORE!!!!
Please message, do not call my phone! I got back my phone bill and the bill was $21. Oh my gosh, I almost got a heart attack!! (Please note, I come from a family where my phone bill shouldn’t exceed $15, and I’m not allowed to message more than 30 a month. So there. Haha) so once again, please don’t call me. And don’t tempt me to answer!! Hahaha. Don’t call me.. message!! I have 700!!
Saturday, September 11, 2004
Wheeeee~ I just finished my IS1105 assignment's concept map and it rocks and it's so super filled with words and colours and i'm proud of it so Mr Goh better give me good marks for it. Like a 10.. upon 10 =D
Going out later with Grace and SX and Justine and her boyfriend heeheeeee.
Hmm.. for once, it appears that I've run out of things to write. verbal constipation!!! ahhhhhH!
can't you see i love you by the way i'm pushing you away
why can't guys be smarter?
Friday, September 10, 2004
Ahh I'm so so beat. Just got back from going out/project. Heh.
Went to Grace's this morning, did our bio project with grace me sabrina and SX. Didn't do much really (Grace, lying to yourself will get you nowhere hahaha)
Anyway, went out to KAP with Grace and SX after that. SX spent his 300 points on chicken mcnuggets, in which grace and me koped one each. heh. Oh, and me and Grace had an interesting chat with Shu Shu on SX's comp while he was away. heehee!! =D
Went to BRAs BRAsah after that to go shopping (in Carleton Hotel.. and we were dressed like beach bums) at a supposedly really good sale but all the clothes were like crap. So we went to Raffles City to go shiopping! haha. but in the end we didn't buy anything. oh, and grace tried on this really really pink dress and it was hilarious! She didn't buy it though, pity. hahahahahahaha =D
The bus ride home was hilarious. The bell was so damned loud and long that everytime it rang me and grace would just start laughing and laughing and laughing. took loadsa pics and they're all at grace's blog. must upload!! haha.
And now I'm here. i will not blog again tonight i will not blog again tonight. and i'll attempt to do my humans essay while not blogging again tonight. man, i really need to curb my compulsion to blog. hahaha =)
Thursday, September 09, 2004
i'm sleepy. so here's my quick update before people start freaking out because of my lack of blogging. heh.
did more research for humans. then i started reading all of bush's speeches and i realized how (sadly) motivating it is. i mean, if i were a solider and all, and if i were to hear his speech, i'd be deeply influenced! freaky..
oh. and singapore idol's completely stupid. like completely, completely stupid.
and i must remember to wake up tomorrow to go to grace's. must do well for bio. must do well for chinese. must do well for maths. maths maths maths. gotta start on trigo tomorrow gotta start on trigo tomorrow. need to do my humans essay tomorrow. need to remember to wake up tomorrow.
good bye
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
you don't even bother to call
let alone be around to catch me if i fall
face it - you're never gonna be there
and you want me to be down for you, is that fair?
well, i've made up my mind
i can get along without you just fine
forget about how you tore me apart
i can live with you not in my heart.
~~~~~
Wasted most of my afternoon away. Spent most of my time throwing ankle weights around with Nicky, then went down to pitch a bit with him, then we went to the gym to work out (oh i'm sooooooo sorry feifan i couldn't go with you hahahahaha) Then I came home, had no appetite, and here I am. Hooray for me.
And now it's yet another day of the school hols. Just in case I didn't mention it earlier, i finished my damn chinese compo so in your face! heh.
Spent today learning math. trigo, is it? Then i started a bit on humans. i've got a shitload of research done on the iraq war. and halfway through my researching, i found this.. thing. it's really sad man. enjoy.
~~~~~
Taking a Stand on Iraq
Speak Out!
by LAWRENCE FERLINGHETTI
And a vast paranoia sweeps across the land
And America turns the attack on its Twin Towers
Into the beginning of the Third World War
The war with the Third World
And the terrorists in Washington
Are drafting all the young men
And no one speaks
And they are rousting out
All the ones with turbans
And they are flushing out
All the strange immigrants
And they are shipping all the young men
To the killing fields again
And no one speaks
And when they come to round up
All the great writers and poets and painters
The National Endowment of the Arts of Complacency
Will not speak
While all the young men
Will be killing all the young men
In the killing fields again
So now is the time for you to speak
All you lovers of liberty
All you lovers of the pursuit of happiness
All you lovers and sleepers
Deep in your private dreams
Now is the time for you to speak
O silent majority
Before they come for you
~~~~~
woah, sad man. hehe. i'm starting to sound like a hippie. hehe. but i'm tired of reading about the war. it's just so.. depressing. i mean, they came up with so many reasons for war, yet are they able to substanciate all the killing? I don't know, war seems so distant, yet now I'm bombarded with all these reports, it's quite... shocking. ignorant ignorant me.
i wish i could bake a cake and put all my happiness and joy in it, and everybody would have a bite out of it and everybody would feel so happy and warm inside. (that's from mean girls btw..)
Well, gotta admit, the researching on the war was pretty.. eye-opening. like it was exposing me to reality and stuff.. freaky.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
i am feeling downright miserable right now. did like 1/10 of my chinese essay and gave up. who cares about racial harmony anyway?! i'm sure SX could write a better essay than me. heh.
went with my mom to buy curtains for the new house. ended up spending like $3200 there. And that's on curtains only. So my mom's spent a total of $100,000 on renovations. hooray. anyway we spent about 4 hours there choosing curtains and half an hour negociating prices. once the guy gave the quotation, i lost my appetite. like.. completely. i've also decided to save about $100 a month. and i looked in classifieds today and found a lot of good jobs. and i also considered working under my uncle for marketing or sth. today i went around with nicky to deliver flyers for my uncle at like 5 cents a piece.
i have a headache. and i don't wanna eat anything. good bye.
~~~~~
Ok. It's not later in the day/night. I finished my stupid chinese essay because on the car ride home, I dreamt that I finished the damn essay and I was happy. dreams do come true, eh? now i just need to sort out the jobs i found. byebye.
Monday, September 06, 2004
Another boring day. Good thing I went out! =D Went out with SX, Matt, Wanda, and Weiling.
Started off by trying to get on the same bus that Matt and SX were on. And I got on and I was looking for them and it turned out that they were on the empty bus behind mine. And I called them and I was talking and then I said "Oh shit" and then this _____ man turned and stared at me. And I mean like completely stared at me. And I wasn't even referring to him or anything!! Roar.
Anyway, walked around Queensway, bought this really bimbo top and the more I look at it the more bimbotic it gets, and I don't want to wear it anymore because I can't imagine myself wearing it. Heh. Wandaaaaaaaaa do you still like it? hahaha.. i can sell it at a discount of 80 cents ;P
Oh yea, realized how sua-ku I truly am because I tried so much new foods today. hehe. And SX in the end me and weiling finished the food.. so we didn't have to *ahem*. hahahahaha. oh yes, i am never going shopping with SX ever again because he uhhh.. makes too much uhh.. bad noise. haahahahaha. oh, and wanda bought this wallet for her bro who doesn't go clubbing. heh. =) and wanda stop thinking about it!! or else you'll really end up changing the wallet. haha.
Went to IKEA with wanda and weiling after that because weiling wanted... stuff. hehe =) how So Very Secretive. =D And me and wanda were going nuts in IKEA because there was 1) a lot of colours 2) a lot of nice furry things to touch and sit on 3) nice cloth and stuff. wheeeee~
And now I'm here. ROAR i need to start on work. roarrrr.. I don't wanna! =(
Sunday, September 05, 2004 ~~~~~
Tags
Smoochie: haha don't worry.. the time will come where you'll wanna dye your hair or sth.. but it isn't as if you're not chio enough =D my chio smoochie =)
Cath: at least your examiner wasn't hairy.. hahahahaha..
Fanny: heeheeee.. milky ways really do rock! i ate the entire box of 'em. hehehe and i think you've gone crazy my dear fanny. hahahahahaha.
Kok: heyyyy i'm not a slacker!! heyyy at least i don't have red hair.. hahaha =D we can probably still dye it at the end of the year or sth.. =)
mamamama: oooooooookay.. hahahaha.. hmm.. is mamamama a dramamama? then you can be dramamamamamamama =D
melissa: hey girl!! didn't know you had a blog too! haha. how's NY?
ariel: hi ah meng! =D hahaha.. daidee's uhh.. big 2? some card game. hehe =)
dddd: hehehehe.. of course it's natural!! and uhhh.. *clap clap* hahahahaahaha..
alexander: hey! hahahaha.. fellow victim of SP. btw i typed in her name and your blog came out. hehehehe =)
Won't blog about the rest of the day because I feel guilty from doign nothing. but i did do weights!! and i arm-wrestled nicky. hahahahahaha.. and i wrote 2 lines for my chinese compo. beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg improvement!! hehe
Saturday, September 04, 2004
well, the question that's on everybody's mind: what have i spent my day doing? absolutely nothing.
For the entire day, I've been 1) gorging on milky ways (they soo sooo sooooooooo rock!!) 2) doing weights 3) blog-hopping. that's it. that's all i've been doing. i don't wanna start on the holiday homework yet because they're just huge assignments. =( but here's the list to make myself feel guilty:
- chinese zhuo wen
- IS1107 assignment
- IS1105 assignment (SX help me photocopy please!!)
- humans assignment
- WP assignment
oh thank you teachers for giving me homework and spoiling my holidays. what can i do without you guys. hahahahaha oh yes, i decided to not dye my hair anytime soon because my mom claims (and i'm serious btw) that my hair is its natural colour because i quote "do you really think that the hair colour will stay on for what.. 10 months? it's your natural hair colour". so there. i'm not gonna dye it, and SP can't screw me for it. i feel so.. just. hehehe. =)
Hehe.. last night I stayed up til about midnight doing absolutely nothing. hehe, new record for me. =D
had such a ridiculously hilariously dream last night. dreamt that we were in the american club and i was racing nicky in swimming. and then we're back in our class, and miss teo's super pissed off because we were giving her that bo-chap attitude. and for some reason i was sitting at shannon's seat with weiling at fung's, and thang at rachel's, and rachel at weiling's, and matt at mine, and a lot of other weird changes. then she suddenly flared up and started screaming and we were all laughing at her. then jan suddenly came to my class and pulled me out and said that it was "softball business". oh, and matt ponned WP to go to suntec.
hahahahahahahhahaha.. i just realized how weird that sounded. hmm.. hahahhaha oh yes, and once i opened my eyes, i was like.. "shit.. it's 10" and i saw this indian construction worker at my window. and that usually wouldn't be a problem for most people, but for my case, i live on the 14th floor!! so i obviously screamed, and he obviously looked.. half amused and half shocked. then i realized that he was doing hacking works or something. how gross! *shudder* hmmm.. i wonder how SX and grace would react to that. =D
ahhhhhhhh now they're dropping ropes from the roof and climbing down from it and everything!! it's so freaky!! i'm very very very freaked/grossed out man! tappppp! and they just started humming and stuff!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Friday, September 03, 2004
Ahhhhhh, today's the last day of school! Hooray for me. Hehe.
Oh!! and this is a hilarious piece of news!! Me and smoochie got busted by SP!! hahahaha
SP: hey.. hey.. HEYYY *yank smoochie's bag* What class are you from? How do you think you're dressed? Why is your hair untied [smoochie]? and why is your hair tinted?
me: Uhhh.. it's been this way since last year.
SP: Well I want it dyed black. And tie up your hair. You're so untidy. No respect for the image of NJC. You have a long way to go.
*and me and smoochie walk off while attempting to surpress giggles* hahahahaha shit, i had a feeling my hair looked too unnatural. need to go find a better shade of brown and redye. =D
yway, I spent the most of today playing daidee and a bit of bluff. highlights of today was playing during the 2 hr SPIRE period that we had but somebody was too busy barbequeing herself to go for lessons to enlighten the students. hehe. played with so many people, and let so many people into the daidee royal family. like SX the daidee prince and weiling the daidee princess dowager.. hahahahaha =D
Oh yea, got back litho paper today: 22.5/30. Ok with it i guess. oh yea, and we found out we got a B for MI!! =( so sad. hmph.. ours was so funny!!.. or maybe that's why we didn't do well. hahahahaha.. sigh. oh well, but i still have to admit that ours was HILARIOUS. ferleen, cath, wanda, we rock!! =D
Anyway, went out to KAP with smoochie dria, grace BOY, and rach. super funny.. we were taking pictures of this.. *ahem*... couple. haahahahahaha. and turns out my ezlink points thing is registered under the name of liyan CINDY. Don't ask me how MCCURDY turned into CINDY. hahaha.. crazy. oooooh and i saw yuka! =D told her i was a pitcher and she looked... shocked. haha. asked her to teach me how to pitch. hahahaha.
went home, found out my mom went to visit catherine lim, my bro's gone out, and my other bro's sleeping over at somebody's house. i'm all aloneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
hmmmm.. had pretty nice dreams last night. finally, a restful night. hooray for me =)
Thursday, September 02, 2004
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA what a fun day!
But before that, a quote from Dennis Eckersley (pitcher of dunno where hehe) "Going back to the bull pen, my gas came back. I was sober. And I just had something to fucking prove, you know what I mean?"
Hahaha.. I find it hilarious. Talk about being sober, dinner was super fun. Just a typical dinner and all.. but hey, it's funny! Had strip loin (hehe, sorry SX) and we were talking about the weirdest things. Like how my bro got "bullied" by a bus driver because the bus driver closed the door on his bag, hahahahahaha, and how nicky was gonna end up hanging a dart board on a window, and other hilariously crazy stuff. hahahahahaha..
Anyway, today was.. uhhh let's see.. oh, bio test: 27/50. Bleah. humans test was rather amusing, was just oookay and i started colouring the splint i koped from TNT lessons (aka a satay stick) with all the colours in my pencilcase. hahahahahahaha.. nonsense. getting back IS1105 tmr, crap.
Pitched a bit after school, realized how much i sooooooooooo need to pitch. hehe. crazy. we should have IP training!!! when there aren't test, that is.
Walked the super long way back home. hehe, felt good to walk again. saw lotsa cats!! *meowwwwww!* hahaha. i want rainbowwwww hahahahahaha =D
Talking a lot of nonsense now. wanna go shio-ppinggggggggggggg!! hahahaha. i have $50 to spare. OH YES to remind myself, my 2 rows owe me $2 each, hehe, and my chinese class ppl owe me 70 cents each. i'm richhhhh! hahahahahahahahahaha.. let's so shioppingggg!! shopping shopping shopping. lalala.. i'm so full.. lalala..
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Sighh.. so full. hehe.
Woke up late, had funny dreams but I forgot them already, hehe. Then suddenly grace called and asked me if I wanted to go somewhere because she and SX were bored.. because they both went out to.. *ahem*. Haha. So I went to Grace's house with SX. Super fun! We were playing dumb games like one-pin bowling, soccer, race cars (uhhhh haha), monopoly etc. Haha.. then we went out of the basement and played badminton and taboo. Hehe. I was supposed to be studying! hahaha..
And now as I sit in front of this computer, I stop and wonder why I'm not studying, despite the fact that I studied for about 3 hours this morning. And so, my loyal viewers of this blog, I bid you good bye, and wonder why you guys are slacking and not studying for your IH test!! Haha..
close my eyes
and i see you
and my world
doesn't seem so bad
anymore...
Whee! Teacher's day today! Or at least the celebrations. Pretty retarded, especially the musical by the council =) The entire school (or college, rather) was seated in the parade square, eating the food we brought from home. Hehe. I baked cookies! Yay!
Anyway, after the celebrations I had a meeting, then we (SX, grace, me) went to grace's to change. Grace lent me clothes, almost made me wear a skirt. hehe. Settled for a PINK shirt with the words HIDDEN TALENTS on it. SX found it hilarious, and so did the rest of us. HAHAHAHA. Oh yea grace can I buy your jeans? hehe =) they're really really nice.
Anyway, called a cab which came in like half a minute, and went to MARINA SQUARE. We've barely HEARD of the damn place, let alone know how to get there. Haha. So we finally got there, and the uncle dropped us at the opposite side of the road, so we rannnnnnnn across the road and this other ah-pek taxi driver rolled down his window and started laughing hysterically at us. Haha.. weird.
Then Weiling somehow came, thanks to some really cheap taxi fare. Hmph, not fair. Haha. SHE HAD NO FARE, so she's not fair. Fare, fair, geddit? Hahahahahahaha.. Anyway, marina square was freaking quiet, like there was NOBODY there, except for 2 queer NJ guys, and my "fan club". haha. Watched 13 going on 30, and halfway I whispered "Hey! She's not wearing a bra!!" And apparantly some RI guys seated quite far behind us started sniggering. I REALLY WHISPERED!! hmph.
Anyway, after that, we went down to American Club to bowl!!.. for free! Hooray! =D Oh yes, and SX, I'll beat you some day! I was really really suay today man. haha. Oh yea, forgot to mention that we saw this shop called WANKO hahaahahahahahahaha.. hilarious =D
Monday, August 30, 2004
Dang, blogger's playing up again. No matter.
Got 26/35 for math test. Pretty ok with it i guess, considering so many people in my everybody's-a-freaking-genius-at-math-except-me class. haha. I could see people who got like 33/35 going "shit!" and stuff.. so I was like ooooookay.
Chinese test sucked. Considering I learnt most of the words needed during IH (thanks to wenshushushu) because laoshi and I had different syllabus books. So I screwed up my test, plus it's counted for GPA. How.. great. *roll eyes*
Pitched a while after school today. I'm so out of shape! considering I never was in shape to pitch.. hur hur Got inspired because I saw Michelle pitching at nanyang *sob* and she was freaking fast. =S Like bloody fast lah. And I think Sharon was catching. I never knew they pitch/catched!! Alamak.. I'm outdated. Haha. I must learn how to pitch well i must learn how to pitch well i must learn how to pitch well!! absolutely must. Even if it means talking to victor or yuka. i must i must i must!
And now I'm baking! Hooray for me. Baking for the teachers' day thing tomorrow not that i'm completely in love with them or anything hur hur. Shit, I just realized that I want need to get something for Mr Lim!! He's sooo sweet! Do you know what he wrote on my math test paper? He wrote something along the lines of "So careless!!!! Li Yan!!!! - a message from mr lim" hahahahahahahaha so sweeeeet!! and hilarious. And I'm not kidding about the 4 exclamation marks. Like the "surprise!!!" in Crepes and Creams. Hehe.
Probably gonna go back to nanyang tomorrow. So exciting! And I'm going bowling tomorrow at american club! Hooray for me! Sorry SX!! =(
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Well, I did say that I wanted a million pictures of my childhood. And I guess I found them. Good thing mom was such a trigger bug when I was a kid.
Uploaded them just in case they start to yellow. I'm putting the site up here so I remember it. =)
http://www.imagestation.com/album/review.html?id=4143830093
Just got back from dinner at some Hua Zhu Restaurant. Dinner was great. Black pepper beef rocks my socks. Hehe.
Still sorta hungry. I just realized that for the past 2 days of my sad sad weekend, all I've been doing is eat eat eat sleep sleep sleep. I'm starting to scare myself, considering I have a chinese test tomorrow, 2 assignments due and a Humans assignment.
The more I think about it, the more I want to be in an arts/humans based subject combi not like we have a choice haha. Then I can put my "creativity" to work. Hehe.
Right now so many weird songs are playing in my head. Songs from bands like saves the day and hot hot heat and other weird things. hehe.
i'm sleepy. shit shit test tmr. bleah bleah. sleepy. NO MORE COFFEE FOR ME! absolutely no more.
Yoooo! Just woke up. Congradulate me for being so early this time.
Gonna be mugging a lot next week/this week/whatever. Chinese Test and Humans Test. I decided that I'm gonna be needed humans more than science, more likely at least. i have a vague plan of my so-called future. do well in humans, get into an arts school in the states, become something econ/artsy/language-y.
Well. There it is. Gonna mug. Byebye
Oh wait, had another dream last night. why do i keep remembering them? But I dreamt that I was training (softball, not gym *sigh*) and I was pitching. Everything was so.. vivid. The field, with the 2 interlinking circles and everything. Melissa was catching for me. And every single pitch, I screwed up. But it wasn't the type where I release way too early. It was just a little outside the strike zone, and she wouldn't catch it because "it wasn't a good ball" so I would have to run all the way to Nanyang (don't ask me how Nanyang was located at the grandstand. I told ya, my dreams are weird) to get the ball. And I'd see my damn gymnasts and they'd be "aiyoh, so lousy, why didn't you join gym instead?" and then I'd just run away, and I'd see the trackers and they'd say the same thing and I'd run away again. And this would happen every single time I pitch the damn ball. Run run run. Is that all I do? Gosh...
Well, no time to think about other stuff. Mug, Good Grades, Good GPA, Good College in USA. Good Bye.
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Yay! Just got back from american club, which rocks by the way. my mom's been "free-loading" off all the american club vouchers and stuff we get from being a VIP (ie we spend waaay too much at the club). hehehe.
first we went to our old house to get the mail and stuff. the whole car ride down i was telling my bro the functions of proteins and my GRASS acronym and so much crap that i had already forgotten right after the test. hehehe. and bobo hasn't written to me yet!! hmph! =(
anyway, american club was great. i had this huge taco/burrito thing which was super filling, and i kept kop-ping everybody else's food. hehe =)
went home, watched a lot of retarded british comedies and now i'm here. blogger still is screwing up, but that won't stop me from blogging! haha. oh, and my bro got a shit-load of scholarship application things. lucky lucky him. sigh, now all i have to do is to be as capable and as accomplished as him. gonna mug now. byebye~
ROAR!! blogger is sooo playing me out! that's why i didn't blog last night.. hahaha. ROAR! it still doesn't work. but luckily, un-IT me has figured a way how to outsmart stupid blogger. hehe
yesterday was bio test. pretty pissed off because i really did study really hard for it, and all the nonsense i mugged for didn't come out! roar. =(
slept through most of the lessons. mrs fung let us do whatever we want. hooray =)
went out with weiling, dria, grace, ju and SX! shio-pping! haha. didn't buy anything because of uhhh time/money restraints. hehehe. saw these really preeeeeeeeetty orange adidas shoes WHICH I DO NOT LIKE, GRACE! haha. =) went to macs and i got this cool ezlink-thing-gives-you-500-points-aka-a-free-meal so i got a free meal because i signed up and didn't have money. hehehe. i love macs! oh yes, remind me that i owe SX $1.70 for the sprite he bought me.
walked around, looked at funny clothes, then i had to go home because we were having pork chops. oh yes, thanks SX for walking me to the bus stop and waiting there with me. i owe you a digicam/abalone. hahahahaha. =)
got home, had dinner, and went to bed straight away because i was just so exhuasted from all the constant mugging and my stay-up-late-wake-up-extra-early routine. slept and woke up at 11am today. and the weirdest part was that i woke up at 7.30 by myself and then went back to sleep. and then gege ran in at 9 and shouted "FIRE" in an attempt to wake me up. hehehe. liyan the lion-pig. =)
had a funny dream last night. dreamt that i had this job somewhere in school, with my smoochie. so we were both wearing these pink coloured uniform things (there were guys working there too haha). and they were briefing us how to do.. our job. oh, now i remember, we were working at some attach-tablecloth-to-table.. thing. really really weird. and the job was located somewhere in school!! it was so weird. like, where CS22 is located. and halfway i realized that my handphone was upstairs in class so i called somebody to bring it down for me. and i was wearing my big black jacket to cover up my uniform. it was soooo weird. at least i was being paid.. in my dreams. -_-" must've been the lack of sleep that made me produce such a weird dream.
no matter. haha. going to dinner at the american club later with my family and popo and uncle andrew. yay! =D
a million thoughts, a million photos of my childhood just flashed through my mind: a million reasons why i loved you so much. weird. i wonder where my medal is. my parent-child swimming relay gold medal.. i want it, along with that beautiful photo.
sentimental me. i disgust myself sometimes.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
OUTRAGEOUS PLACENTA!
Today was somehow very draggy. Math was just.. maths. oh and sperm-man asked where matt was, and i told him he had a headache/sports injury/one of his frequent excuses. and he was like "oh, but i have a neck ache" and then proceeded to pretend he had a neck ache. it was so.. retarded. hahaha.
Lessons were draggy. but i have a new digicam so it's ok =D hahaha. oh, IS1107 tomorrow. die die. saw mr lim today. he said that i didn't fail maths! i seriously doubt, shouldn't get my hopes up. but i know i won't get my hopes up for the upcoming IS07 test. bleah.
Oh, I concluded that i want to be one of the below, when i grow up, that is:
1. fashion designer
2. interior desiner
3. magazine editor (i've been watching too much just shoot me
4. expert pianist. hahaha.
ran half of 2.4 with lazy grace today, together with lina, wanda, rach, smoochie. haha =) now you don't have to run away from him anymore! heehee
slept through half of IS07 and IS05. and i felt so guilty because i was koking my head against everything (i'm a very destructive sleeper haha) so i think i might've freaked poor wenshu out. haha. but i was so tired! mugged til 12 last night for is07. I MUST DO WELL FOR IS1107!!!! problem is, that would mean that i have to actually study hard for it. gonna listen to saves the day as i study. hooray. =)
i'm going bag shopping with SX tomorrow!!! (i'm putting that hear so i don't go back on my word. hahahaha) poor SX. we'll find a nice pink bag for you =) with nice big ribbons =))
this sucks. it's 8pm, i was mugging for the past don't-know-how-many hours, and now i have this horrible headache. i'm gonna collapse. 3rd cup of caffiene tonight. wish me luck. and jiayou everybody else who's suffering the same fate as me. coffee tastes like shit, oh well, anything to stay awake
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
i say all the right things,
at exactly the right times
but i mean nothing to you
and i don't know why
bleah. puked again. MY BOYFRIEND GOT 9.9 ON VAULT!! hahahahahahahahahaha nonsense.
today was bleah. math test. it was quite easy, just that i didn't study the stupid linear law. there goes my question 1. poot. nonsense. and i scribbled "NONSENSE!!!" on my test paper at least twice. hahaha.
went out finally with grace, adrianni, wanda, weiling and andre. it was soooooo much fun! sure beats going home to study and sleep. hehehe. went to the cine food court, ate shroooms and my pizza. quite funny. so my huge lunch only cost $2.50. cheapskate me =)
took thingys. yay! the thing was so retarded.. hahaha.
OH YES. THIS IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT!!
Attn: People who think i'm a WOMAN:
(namely WANDA, SX, WENSHU, GRACE, ADRIANNI my pretty woman, WEILING and other weird weird people..)
I DO NOT HAVE IT. I. DO. NOT. HAVE. IT!! hahahahahaha so stop telling the entire world that i have it!! hahaha.. because i don't! hahahaha.. nonsense!
good day. hahahahahahaha.. hilarious.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
attention all. settle down please. i have a very important announcement.
LIYAN HAS OFFICIALLY SNAPPED.
thaaaaaaaaaaat's right! i've been mugging from 4-7, barely had dinner, puked, had 4 cups of caffiene (3 tea and 1 coffee), mugged fororm 7.30 to 9.30 and i'm taking a break now and i think i have snapped!! i'm shaking, i feel like i'm gonna throw up tomorrow. HAHAHAHAHA.. isn't this greeeeeeeeeeat? I MUST DO FUCKING WELL TOMORROW SO I CAN RUB IT INTO FUCKING LOW COCK SOONS' FACE SO HE CAN GET OFF MY BACK.
but back to my point, i think i snapped. i just keep scribbling NONSENSE. CARELESS. CRAZY. ALMOST THE RIGHT ANSWER. and shit like that. i think i snapped. my stomach hurts.
tags to de-stress:
carmen: heehee.. yeaps! =D
grace: heeheeeeee! EARLY MY ARSE! =D either you do your work or go outside! hahaha
adrianni: see? i did it specially for you. =) hahahahaha
charmaine: hello number *peep around* 4! =D hahaha.. i like it toooo! yay! we'll change bdc to budget-dieted- CHOCOLATE! hahahahahaha
thang:oooookay.
max: hey sweetiee! yea it was pretty fun.. ryan and gege were like stufffinig themselves and had so much dessert! hilarious. hahaha.
pok: HMPH i got RID of it. hmph.
xiehuannnn: I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!! ohmygoshohmygosh!!! HE ROCKS